JMITED 


E  CONTINENT 


University  of  California  •  Berkeley 


THE  PEDESTRIAN  STARTING. 


The  Arizona  Limited 

or 

Across   the   Continent   Afoot 


BY 
MICHAEL,   G.  HARMAN 


SOUTHERN  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

RICHMOND,  VIRGINIA 

1909 


COPYRIGHT,  1909, 

BY  MICHAEL  G.  HARMAN 


RICHMOND 

EVERETT  WADDEY  CO.,  PRINTERS 
1909 


To  THOSE  FRIENDS  EN  ROUTE  WHO  MATERIALLY  ASSISTED  HIM 
IN  THE  SUCCESSFUL  ACCOMPLISHMENT  OF  His  LONG  AND 
ARDUOUS  UNDERTAKING,  AND  TO  WHOM  HE  WILL 
EVER  FEEL  INDEBTED  FOR  THEIR  MANY 
KINDNESSES,  THE  AUTHOR  DEDI- 
CATES THIS  STORY  OF 
His  TRAVELS. 


CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER.  PAGE. 

I.— Off  for  New  York 1 

II. — Paso    Robles 9 

III. — Guest  of  the  Camarillas 15 

IV. — Journey  with  a  Desert  Rat 21 

V.— Ludlow 34 

VI.— Kingman 44 

VII.— The  Walker  Acts  the  Good  Shepherd 56 

VIII. — The  Departure  from  Los  Cerillos 67 

IX.— The  New  Boss  of  the  Limited 76 

X. — Contributions  from  the  Youthful  Natives     ....     86 
XL— Mud— Mud— Mud— We  Were  in  a  State  of  Mud  .     .     96 

XII.— News  of  the  Limited 107 

XIIL— The  Limited  Before  the  Footlights 116 

XIV. — Your  Uncle  Dudley  Was  There  With  the  Goods,  and 

So  Was  the   Cow 124 

XV.— Heine  Makes  a  Stove 134 

XVI. — Fording  the  Ohio  River  at  Steubenville 146 

XVII. — How  to  Make   a   Comfortable   Bed  on   the   Frozen 

Ground 156 

XVIII. — Is  Travelling  on  Three  Cents  an  Easy  Proposition    .  166 
XIX. — Something    About    One    of    the    Most    Remarkable 

Animals  in  the  World 172 

XX.— The  Noble  Red  Man  .  175 


INTRODUCTORY  OUTLINE. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL.,  February  4,  1904. 
MY  DEAR  BILL: 

Here  I  am  in  8an  Francisco.  Surprised,  old  boy? 
Yes,  I  sailed  through  the  Golden  Gate  three  days  before 
Christmas  on  an  old  lumber  tub  from  Seattle.  What 
have  I  been  doing  since  my  arrival  in  the  metropolis  of 
the  Golden  West?  Just  hearken,  Bill,  to  some  few  of 
the  things: 

I  have  learned  to  drink  steam  beer — a  most  wonder- 
ful accomplishment;  have  tripped  the  light  fantastic  in 
the  Italian  dance  halls;  have  taken  in  the  Cliff  House; 
wined  at  Sanguinetti's,  and  dined  at  the  Poodle  Dog. 
Of  course  I've  attended  a  prize  fight;  done  Chinatown, 
and,  as  usual,  the  ponies  have  done  me. 

Bill,  I'm  going  to  cut  it  all  and  come  back  to  Nature. 
I  have  decided  to  take  a  little  walk  across  the  continent 
from  San  Francisco  to  New  York  City,  starting  with  a 
single  three-cent  piece  in  my  pocket. 

Why  am  I  taking  a  tramp  of  nearly  four  thousand 
miles,  courting  all  kinds  of  dangers  and  undergoing 
countless  hardships?  William  Shakespeare  several  cen- 
turies ago  said: 

"All   the  world's   a   stage,   and   all   the   men   and  women   merely 
players.'* 


The  times  and  conditions  have  changed  somewhat 
since  Shakespeare's  age.  Some  latter-day  genius  has 
aptly  substituted,  "All  the  world's  a  graft  and  all  the 
men  and  women  merely  grafters/'  My  definition  of  a 
grafter  is  one  who  receives  a  pecuniary  benefit  or  its 
equivalent,  ivithout  giving  in  return  therefor  honest 
labor. 

I  am  going  to  treat  myself  to  a  practical  course  in  this 
game  of  graft.  It  wouldn't  surprise  me  if  Carnegie, 
after  he  wearies  of  building  monuments  to  himself  and 
giving  hero  medals,  should  endow  institutions  of  learn- 
ing  with  chairs  on  graft.  Don't  be  astonished  if  "Snow- 
ball" should  come  into  the  library  some  day  and  hand 
you  a  card  reading  about  like  this: 


Michael  Garber  Harman.  L.L.D. 
(Long-legged  Devil) 

Professor  oi  Graft,  University  oi  Spondulix. 


I  will  walk  almost  due  south,  following  the  coast- 
wise Southern  Pacific  route,  -475  miles  to  Los  Angeles. 
From  that  point  the  Mojave  and  the  Great  American 
deserts  will  be  crossed  to  Albuquerque,  New  Mexico,  a 
distance  of  900  miles,  following  the  old  Sante  Fe  trail, 
which  is  paralleled  by  the  Sante  Fe  railroad. 


EXECUTIVE    DEPARTMENT 
& 


(fittjj  ana  (Bounty  of  &an  JFranrtaro 

E.  E.  SCHMITZ,  Mayor 


Oity,  Jan.  25,  1804, 
Hon.  George  B.  Me  Clellan, 

Mayor  of  the  City  of  New  York. 
Dear  Sir:- 

Permlt  me  to  introduce  to  your  favorable 
acquaintance  tlie  bearer,  Mr.  Michael  Garber 
Harman,  a  former  Virginian,  who  is  about  to 
undertake  a  journey  from  San  Francisco  to  New 
York  City  for  the  purpose  of  making  personal 
observations  of  labor  conditions  en  route. 

Any  courtesies  you  may  extend  him  will 
be  greatly  appreciated  by, 

Yours  very  truly, 


F  AC-SIMILE. 


XI 

I  expect  to  traverse  the  trail  to  Kansas  City,  Missouri, 
which  is  1,000  miles  east  of  Albuquerque;  300  miles 
further,  across  Missouri,  will  land  me  into  the  World's 
Fair  city.  After  a  rest  of  a  few  weeks  in  St.  Louis  the 
journey  will  be  resumed  to  New  York,  via  Indianapolis, 
Columbus,  Pittsburg,  and  across  the  States  of  Penn- 
sylvania and  New  Jersey  to  Jersey  City. 

I  was  very  fortunate  in  obtaining  a  letter  from  the 
Labor  Mayor  of  San  Francisco,  E.  E.  Schmitz,  to 
Mayor  George  B.  McClellan  of  New  York,  which  reads 
as  folloivs:  [See  fac  simile  opposite  p.] 

SAN  FBANCISCO,  CAL.,  January  25,  1904. 
HON.  GEO.  B.  MCCLELLAN, 

Mayor  of  the  City  of  New  York. 

DEAR  SIB: — Permit  me  to  introduce  to  your  favorable  acquaint- 
ance the  bearer,  Mr.  Michael  Garber  Harman,  a  former  Vir- 
ginian, who  is  about  to  undertake  a  journey  from  San  Francisco 
to  New  York  City  for  the  purpose  of  making  personal  observa- 
tions of  labor  conditions  en  route. 

Any  courtesies  you  may  extend  him  will  be  greatly  appre- 
ciated by, 

Yours  very  truly, 

E.   E.   SCHMITZ,   Mayor. 

I  have  also  a  souvenir  card,  which  I -designed,  show- 
ing the  route  on  one  side,  and  on  the  other,  the  traveller 
in  walking  costume. 

Bill,  think  of  the  adventures  awaiting  me,  the  excite- 
ment attending  the  constant  change  of  scene,  the  queer 
characters  and  interesting  people  with  whom  I  shall 


Xll 

come  in  contact.  And  lastly,  how  much  of  God's  coun- 
try one  will  be  enabled  to  see  and  study.  Is  the  picture 
sufficiently  alluring  to  make  you  wish  to  accompany 
me?  No,  nothing  would  tempt  you  to  leave  the  Queen 
Bee  and  the  little  Bills  down  in  the  old  Shenandoah 
Valley. 

Wish  me  luck,  old  boy,  and  look  forward  to  the  time 
when  you  and  I  once  more  will  wander  down  to  the 
spring,  and  talk  about  it  all  over  an  old  Virginia  mint 
julep. 


The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTER  I. 

OFF   FOR  NEW  YORK. 

Ill  With  La  Grippe  at  Palo  Alto — San  Jose" — Twenty  Mile  Tramp 
in  the  Rain— A  Visit  to  the  Old  Spanish  Mission  at  San 
Juan — Sore  Muscles  and  Ligaments — The  Adventure  at  the 
Lehr  Ranch — A  Rousing  Reception  Accorded  the  Walker — 
The  Gruelling  Walk  Into  King  City. 

Monday  morning,  February  8th,  at  ten  o'clock,  I 
started  the  walk  to  New  York  City.  The  procession 
formed  at  the  corner  of  Market,  Geary  and  Kearney 
streets,  the  most  prominent  corner  in  San  Francisco, 
where  quite  a  crowd  had  collected. 

I  had  engaged  a  fife  and  drum  corps  of  four  pieces 
to  head  the  procession.  Next  came  a  jackass  carrying 
a  sign  advertising  a  horse  and  mule  sale,  for  which  I 
received  the  sum  of  seven  dollars — nearly  enough  to 
pay  the  musicians.  The  walker  brought  up  the  rear 
in  tourist  regalia.  I  had  selected  for  the  trip  a  Khaki 
suit  and  hat  and  a  pair  of  buckskin  shoes. 

Arriving  at  Valencia  street,  after  a  march  of  a  mile 
and  a  half  up  Market,  to  the  strains  of  "Are  there  any 
more  at  home  like  you,"  the  drum  corps  and  donkey 
were  dismissed.  I  made  a  speech  to  the  crowd  collected 
on  the  corner,  briefly  stating  the  object  of  my  journey, 
with  the  result  that  fifteen  of  the  cards  were  sold  for 
ten  cents  each. 


2  The  Arizona  Limited 

It  was  raining  nearly  all  day,  and  I  was  exceedingly 
glad  when  the  Commercial  hotel  at  Baden  was  reached, 
where  the  proprietor  entertained  me  for  the  night. 

On  the  morning  of  the  9th,  I  awoke  with  pains  in  my 
back  and  head.  My  temperature  was  up  also.  I  had 
contracted  a  cold  by  doffing  my  heavier  clothing.  Palo 
Alto  was  twenty-two  miles  distant,  but  I  was  determined 
to  make  it,  for  my  college  fraternity,  Phi  Gamma  Delta, 
have  a  chapter  at  Leland  Stanford,  Jr.,  University. 

The  day's  walk  led  me  through  a  beautiful  country, 
but  my  physical  condition  was  such  that  I  could  not 
appreciate  it.  I  was  heartily  received  at  the  chapter 
house,  and,  as  my  fever  was  high,  I  was  put  to  bed  and 
a  doctor  summoned,  who  pronounced  my  malady  la 
grippe.  Saturday  morning  the  journey  was  resumed, 
and  I  hit  the  pike  for  seventeen  miles  to  San  Jose.  The 
walk  was  thoroughly  enjoyed,  as  it  was  a  lovely  day, 
and  led  through  that  most  beautiful  of  valleys,  the 
Santa  Clara,  which  is  deemed  one  of  the  most  fertile 
spots  in  the  whole  world. 

On  my  arrival  at  San  Jose,  I  repaired  to  the  Vendome 
hotel,  one  of  the  swellest  in  central  California.  "Strike 
high  if  you  lose  your  hatchet,"  and  T.  T.  N.  Y.  O.  B. 
(through  to  New  York  or  bust)  were  my  mottoes.  The 
manager  agreed  to  entertain  me  until  Monday  in  ex- 
change for  one  of  my  souvenirs.  Lick  Observatory  on 
Mount  Hamilton  was  visited  Sunday ;  Monday  morning 
I  sold  a  few  cards,  and  in  the  afternoon  resumed  the 
journey. 


The  Arizona  Limited  3 

Soon  after  leaving  San  Jose  it  began  to  mist,  in  the 
phraseology  of  the  "Native  Son".  We  have  another 
name  for  it  east  of  the  Rockies.  The  last  four  miles 
were  traversed  in  inky  blackness,  and  I  was  drenched, 
but  strange  to  relate,  no  bad  effects  resulted.  The  next 
day  Gilroy  was  made,  and  the  local  editor  published  the 
following : 

"Michael  Garber  Harman,  King  of  Tramps,  put  up 
at  the  Central  Hotel  on  Tuesday.  He  left  San  Fran- 
cisco February  8th,  with  a  three-cent  piece  and  no  bank 
checkbook.  He  has  been  feasted  and  lodged  at  the  best 
hotels  en  route.  Harman  is  a  tall  young  Virginian, 
about  twenty-nine  years  of  age,  tough  and  lean,  and  full 
of  ambition  to  reach  his  destination  in  New  York." 

Wednesday  morning,  the  17th,  I  left  Gilroy  for  Sal- 
inas, a  distance  of  thirty-seven  miles  by  rail.  The  route 
selected  by  me  was  shorter  by  several  miles,  led  by  the 
picturesque  old  town  of  San  Juan  ;•  while  there  a  visit 
was  paid  to  the  old  Spanish  Mission. 

Seven  years  before  the  Declaration  of  Independence 
Junipero  Serra,  a  godly  and  pious  monk  of  the  Order 
of  Saint  Francis,  entered  San  Diego  and  established  the 
first  of  the  twenty-one  missions  which  extend  along  the 
coast  as  far  north  as  San  Francisco.  It  was  at  the  in- 
stance of  the  King  of  Spain  that  these  Missions  were 
started,  for  he  wished  to  encourage  emigration  to  that 
part  of  his  domain.  In  the  building  of  the  missions 
most  of  the  labor  was  performed  by  the  Indians  under 
the  directions  of  the  Fathers.  The  tribes  of  the  Pacific 


4  The  Arizona  Limited 

Coast  were  peaceably  inclined.  For  more  than  half  a 
century  these  missions  nourished,  and  they  became 
enormously  wealthy.  The  end  of  it  all  was  the  secu- 
larization of  the  mission  properties  by  Santa  Anna. 
Over  half  of  them  are  now  in  ruins.  I  quote  a  passage 
from  a  book  entitled,  "Over  the  Santa  Fe  Trail" : 

"Reluctantly  will  the  visitor  tear  himself  from  the 
encompassing  charm  of  the  roofless  arches  and  reminis- 
cent shadows.  They  are  a  dream  of  the  Old  World, 
indifferent  to  the  sordidness  and  turbulence  of  the  New ; 
one  of  the  few  things  that  have  been  spared  by  the  re- 
lentless past,  whose  habit  is  to  sweep  the  things  of  yes- 
terday into  oblivion.  One  can  almost  hear  the  echoes  of 
their  sweet  bells  ringing  out  to  heathen  thousands  the 
sunset  and  the  dawn." 

A  young  lady  conducted  me  through  the  Mission  and 
pointed  out  objects  of  interest.  Among  other  things 
was  a  great  stone  fountain,  hewn  from  solid  rock,  and 
from  which  over  seven  thousand  Indians  had  been  bap- 
tized. In  the  church,  fifteen  feet  from  the  floor  and 
jutting  from  the  side,  is  the  pulpit  from  which  the  first 
Father  preached  the  Gospel  to  the  Indians  in  fourteen 
dialects. 

There  is  also  a  queer-looking  affair  which  resembles  in 
outward  appearance  a  modern  street  organ.  When  the 
crank  is  turned  it  emits  a  funny,  tinkling  sound.  It 
was  used  in  the  early  days  to  call  the  Indians  to  work 
and  to  worship. 

In  the  afternoon  I  faced  toward  Salinas,  which  lay 
twenty  miles  distant  from  San  Juan  and  over  a  moun- 


The  Arizona  Limited  5 

tain.  The  going  was  rough,  owing  to  the  recent  rains, 
and  as  my  muscles  were  very  sore,  walking  was  painful. 
I  arrived  in  the  night,  dragging  my  left  leg  which  was 
as  stiff  as  a  poker. 

The  journey  Thursday  morning  was  started  in  peg- 
leg  fashion,  as  it  was  impossible  for  me  to  bend  the  leg 
at  the  knee-joint. 

Just  out  of  Salinas  I  overtook  two  young  fellows 
hoboing  it  to  Los  Angeles.  One  of  the  boys  hailed 
from  Selma,  Alabama,  and  was  of  a  good  family.  At 
Choi  as  I  grafted  a  dinner  at  the  hotel.  On  coming  out 
I  found  my  companions  were  vegetarians — one  was 
eating  a  raw  turnip  and  the  other  a  carrot.  However 
an  opportunity  offered  at  the  table,  and  I  filled  my 
pockets  for  them. 

On  the  18th  I  left  Gonzales,  expecting  to  spend  the 
night  at  the  Lehr  ranch,  twenty  miles  distant.  On 
reaching  the  ranch,  much  to  my  chagrin,  no  one  was  at 
home  but  the  Chinese  cook,  who  was  shelling  beans. 

"Is  Mr.  Lehr  at  home?"  I  asked. 

"Nuh,"  was  the  laconic  reply. 

"Where  is  he,  and  when  will  he  return  ?" 

"King  City — yesterday-to-day-to-morrow — dunno." 

For  imperturbability  the  palm  goes  to  the  Chinks. 
After  several  vain  attempts  to  obtain  further  informa- 
tion from  my  pig-tailed  friend,  I  turned  to  continue 
the  journey  when  a  farm  laborer  was  espied  coming  out 
of  the  house.  I  presented  my  card;  told  him  who  I 
was  and  what  I  was  doing.  He  looked  at  the  heroic 


6  The  Arizona  Limited 

hieroglyphics  on  the  card  and  then  looked  me  over  from 
head  to  foot.  Then  he  deliberately  turned  his  back, 
locked  the  door  and  started  across  the  prairie.  He 
evidently  took  me  for  a  dangerous  character  or  a  green 
goods  man.  During  the  whole  proceeding  he  didn't 
venture  a  remark. 

Was  up  against  it  good  and  strong  for  the  first  time. 

King  City  was  fourteen  miles  distant:  it  was  four 
fifteen  P.  M.,  and  I  was  so  hungry,  tired  and  sore  that 
I  could  hardly  stand. 

On  the  road  I  met  Mr.  Lehr  driving  home.  He 
deeply  regretted  my  reception  at  his  place  and  wanted 
me  to  return  and  spend  the  night,  but  I  told  him  I'd 
push  on  to  the  town.  Ascertained  that  the  only  house 
between  that  point  and  King  City  was  that  of  a  Mr. 
Talbot,  a  West  Virginian. 

A  rousing  reception  was  accorded  me — eleven  dogs — 
that's  all.  I  think  every  breed  was  represented  in  the 
bunch. 

With  knapsack  and  mackintosh  they  were  kept  at  bay 
until  Mr.  Talbot  arrived  on  the  scene  of  action. 

"Mr.  Talbot,"  said  I,  at  the  same  time  presenting  him 
with  one  of  my  cards,  "I'm  on  a  walk  across  the  conti- 
nent." 

"You  are  in  a  bad  business,"  he  replied. 

Didn't  sound  very  encouraging,  but  I  came  again 
good  and  strong. 

"Mr.  Talbot,  whether  this  is  a  foolish  undertaking  is 
a  question.  To  me,  just  now,  its  merits  are  of  second- 


The  Arizona  Limited  7 

ary  importance.  Have  another  which  is  of  absorbing 
interest,  viz:  supper.  I'm  sadly  in  need  of  an  hour's 
rest  and  of  some  supper  to  enable  me  to  cover  the  re- 
maining nine  miles.  Can  I  get  it  ?" 

"You  can,"  he  replied. 

We  sat  down  to  one  of  those  old  Virginia  meals — 
beefsteak,  hot  biscuits,  good  old  apple  butter  and  coffee. 
Metaphorically  speaking,  I  waltzed  up  one  side  of  the 
table  and  down  the  other.  How  I  did  enjoy  that  meal ! 
My  hunger  appeased,  I  jollied  the  whole  family  a  bit. 
Turning  to  a  blushing  country  maiden,  in  a  supremely 
confident  manner,  I  remarked : 

"I  know  what  you  do  for  a  livelihood." 

"What?"  she  answered,  in  a  surprised  tone. 

"You  are  the  school-marm." 

I  had  hit  the  nail  squarely  on  the  head.  The  girl 
blushed;  laughed.  In  her  confusion  she  managed  to 
say: 

"How  did  you  know?" 

"Having  traveled  quite  extensively,"  said  I,  "in  the 
past  nine  years,  and  having  made  a  study  of  human 
nature,  all  that  is  now  necessary  for  me  to  tell  one's 
vocation  is  to  see  the  expression  of  the  eye." 

Mr.  Lehr  had  told  me  she  was  a  teacher.  That  settled 
it;  the  whole  family  looked  upon  me  as  a  magician. 
Talbot  invited  me  to  spend  the  night,  and  I  believe  I 
could  have  remained  a  week,  had  I  so  desired. 

The  walk  to  King  City  will  never  be  forgotten.  The 
night  was  very  dark,  and  I  staggered  over  the  road  at 


8  The  Arizona  Limited 

two  miles  per  hour.  Was  several  times  on  the  verge  of 
a  hysterical  breakdown — the  result  of  the  excruciating 
pain  from  my  turning  ankles  on  the  rough  roadway.  I 
felt  if  the  Vendome  hotel  had  been  one  hundred  yards 
further,  I  couldn't  have  walked  it. 

A  former  Kentuckian,  the  proprietor,  cordially  re- 
ceived me.  He  gave  me  a  drink,  of  which  I  was  sadly 
in  need. 

Ten  minutes  later  I  was  on  the  feathers. 

San  Francisco,  183  miles — New  York,  3,527  miles. 


The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTER  II. 

PASO  ROBLES. 

A  Klondike  Millionaire  Marvels — A  Hotel  Proprietor  Wins  With 
His  Socks  On — San  Luis  Obispo — Through  the  San  Marcus 
Ranch — A  Sudden  and  Unwelcome  Bath — Meet  Two  Ladies 
From  the  Bailiwick  of  the  Sacred  Codfish — Santa  Barbara. 

Sunday  I  made  San  Miguel,  one  of  the  original 
Spanish  settlements,  which  contains  one  of  the  Missions. 

The  following  day  pushed  on  to  the  famous  health 
resort,  the  Hotel  El  Paso  de  Robles,  where  a  cordial  re- 
ception awaited  me ;  the  manager  personally  showed  me 
to  a  room,  and  seemed  to  exert  himself  to  make  my  stay 
pleasant.  Maybe  I  wasn't  luxuriating;  eating,  sleep- 
ing, resting,  bathing  and  spinning  yarns  with  the  other 
sick  millionaires. 

All  the  wealthy,  you  know,  don't  lead  the  simple  life 
a  la  Teddy.  A  large  percentage  of  the  guests  were 
there  to  be  cured  of  gout,  rheumatism  or  some  nervous 
disease,  originated  or  aggravated  by  high  living.  Hot 
mud  or  sulphur  baths  are  given. 

When  taking  my  hot  sulphur  bath  the  massage  artist 
and  myself  fell  to  discussing  the  walk ;  among  other 
things  I  told  him  of  the  trouble  I  was  having  with  my 
feet  and  legs.  He  gave  me  a  massage  of  an  hour;  an 
alcohol  massage  and  cocoanut  oil  rub.  I  entered  the 
bath-house  feeling  like  one  of  those  old  skates  at  Ingle- 
side,  and  came  out  a  Derby  winner. 


10  The  Arizona  Limited 

A  Klondyke  millionaire  was  astonished. 

"Do  you  mean  to  assert  that  the  massager  gave  you  all 
that  for  nothing  ?" 

"No,"  answered  I,  "for  he  was  presented  with  a  pic- 
ture card." 

"What  do  you  think  of  that?"  he  ejaculated. 

"Young  man,  when  you  told  me  of  this  journey  of 
yours,  I  doubted  your  ability  to  make  it,  but  I  do  so 
no  longer.  Even  the  idle  rich  can't  afford  all  that  in 
one  day." 

February  23rd  I  passed  up  the  good  thing  at  Paso 
Kobles. 

Upon  my  arrival  at  Santa  Margareta,  I  found  that 
the  proprietor  had  retired  at  seven  P.  M.  There  is  very 
little  doing  on  Broadway  after  sundown.  I  dug  him  up 
and  he  finally  made  his  appearance  in  a  pair  of  six-cent 
socks.  He  wore  also  a  spinach  on  his  chin.  A  good 
stiff  talk  was  n.  g.  I  was  compelled  to  go  down  into 
my  pocket  for  the  first  time  since  leaving  Frisco  and  pay 
for  lodging  and  breakfast.  The  old  fellow's  argument 
was  unanswerable : 

"You  see,  partner,  in  the  first  place,  you  are  a 

fool  to  take  any  such  walk  as  that,  and  in  the  second 
place,  I'd  be  a  -  -  fool  not  to  get  fifty  cents  out  of  you 
since  you  happened  by  here.  You  can't  do  me  any  good 
advertising,  for  no  one  ever  comes  by  Santa  Margareta 
unless  compelled  to,  and  I  keep  the  only  hotel  in  town." 

The  next  day  I  reached  San  Louis  Obispo  and  stopped 
at  the  Kamona  Hotel.  During  the  afternoon  I  took  a 


The  Arizona  Limited  11 

ramble  around  the  city.  It's  an  attractive  city  of  eight 
thousand  population,  and  is  apparently  full  of  business. 

Four  hard  days'  walking  through  the  Arroyo  Grande 
valley  landed  me  at  the  Donahue  ranch,  two  miles  south 
of  Santa  Ynez. 

The  29th  I  left  Santa  Maria  to  visit  the  new  oil  fields. 
Soon  after  starting  it  commenced  to  rain. 

It  is  not  often  that  it  rains  in  California,  but  when  it 
does,  there  is  no  time  for  anything  else.  It  starts  with 
a  gentle  drizzle,  increasing  gradually  until  it  pours  in 
torrents. 

The  wells  are  located  on  hills  and  are  rendered  almost 
inaccessible  by  rain,  as  the  soil  is  of  red  clay.  I  accom- 
plished what  I  set  out  to  do,  but  it  was  a  very  wet  and 
tired  traveller  that  reached  the  next  village  and  lodged 
in  a  miserable  shack,  kept  by  a  Syrian.  Monday  I  was 
on  the  road  for  a  tramp  of  forty  miles  into  Santa  Bar- 
bara, through  the  San  Marcus  ranch  and  over  the  Santa 
Ynez  mountains.  Had  my  first  adventure  twenty  min- 
utes after  leaving  Donahue's.  Came  to  a  swift  moun- 
tain stream  seventy  feet  wide  and  two  deep,  approxi- 
mately. I  pondered  for  some  moments  as  to  the  best 
way  to  get  across  without  wading  the  ice-cold  water. 
Below  the  fording  the  stream  branched  into  four  forks, 
and  by  the  aid  of  sticks  and  rocks,  three  of  the  four 
were  crossed  successfully,  but,  alas!  met  my  Waterloo 
on  the  fourth.  The  trunk  of  a  tree,  on  which  I  was 
crossing,  turned,  and  down  splash!  I  went  flat  on  my 
back.  Everything  went  under  but  my  head.  To  add 


12  The  Arizona  Limited 

insult  to  injury,  when  pulling  up  the  bank  by  some 
shrubbery,  it  broke,  and  down  I  went  again — head  and 
all  this  time. 

The  first  eighteen  miles  led  me  through  the  San  Mar- 
cus ranch  of  sixty  thousand  acres,  which  teems  with 
cattle  as  wild  as  deer.  Among  my  earliest  recollections 
are  the  soft,  limpid  eyes  of  the  domestic  cow.  There 
was  nothing  soft,  or  limpid  either,  about  the  eyes  of 
those  range  cattle.  While  passing  a  herd  of  several 
hundred,  the  bull  espied  me  and  immediately  got  busy. 
He  came  slowly  towards  me,  with  head  lowered,  and 
now  and  then  pausing  to  toss  dirt  over  his  back.  His 
wives  and  children  followed  in  his  wake.  Your  Uncle 
Nat  had  his  eye  peeled  for  just  such  a  contingency,  and 
chased  over  to  a  tree.  Mr.  Bull  kept  coming  and  your 
uncle  kept  climbing. 

Sitting  in  the  forks,  I  thanked  the  Lord  for  having 
a  tree  so  conveniently  situated.  Picture  my  anxiety 
when  the  cows  surrounded  the  tree  and  I  became  the 
cynosure  of  two  hundred  pairs  of  eyes  as  cold,  expres- 
sionless and  merciless  as  glittering  steel. 

No  water,  no  food,  and  the  likelihood  of  no  one  pass- 
ing for  a  week.  The  question  is,  thought  I,  which  can 
go  the  longest  without  water — tHe  cows  or  myself.  The 
cows  had  it  on  me  slightly,  for  they  could  eat  and  I 
couldn't.  Mr.  Bull,  I  presume,  wanted  to  show  off  be- 
fore his  wives  and  youngsters,  for  he  valiantly  strutted 
back  and  forth,  bellowing,  with  his  tail  curled,  as  much 
as  to  say: 


The  Arizona  Limited  13 

"Am  I  not  a  peach?  Don't  ever  make  eyes  at  that 
big  spotted  bull  with  the  other  herd  after  this.  Didn't 
I  make  that  long,  slim  skate  take  to  the  tall  timber? 
Huh !  just  let  me  get  at  him." 

For  an  hour  I  tried  to  conjure  up  some  scheme  to 
stampede  them.  Tried  hallooing,  but  the  cows  seemed 
to  like  my  voice,  for  they  only  drew  the  closer.  Ah !  an 
idea. 

I  held  my  knapsack  in  one  hand  and  mackintosh  in 
the  other,  and  when  the  valiant  Mr.  Bull  was  directly 
under  me,  both  were  dropped  simultaneously.  The 
former  landed  on  his  back  and  the  latter  over  his  neck. 

The  stampede  was  instantaneous  and  complete.  Wow ! 
down  through  the  meadow  went  the  herd,  the  valiant 
defender  leading,  then  the  cows,  and  the  poor  little 
calves  bringing  up  the  rear. 

Old  cattlemen  in  Santa  Barbara  told  me  I  was  ex- 
ceedingly lucky  in  getting  through  alive,  as  the  range 
cattle  are  very  much  afraid  of  a  man  on  horseback,  but 
not  at  all  so  of  one  on  foot. 

The  entire  walk  through  the  San  Marcus  ranch  of 
twenty  miles  was  accomplished  without  meeting  a  soul. 
I  didn't  get  at  all  lonesome,  though,  as  the  scenery  was 
beautiful  and  the  woods  alive  with  animals  and  birds. 

A  pack  of  six  coyotes  crossed  the  road  seventy-five 
yards  ahead  of  me,  and  a  number  of  times  were  seen 
loping  about  at  no  great  distance.  Early  in  the  after- 
noon the  ranch  house  was  reached.  No  one  was  at 
home  but  the  old  Spanish  cook,  who  was  unable  to  talk 


14  The  Arizona  Limited 

in  English,  and  as  "savvy"  was  the  limit  of  my  Spanish 
vocabulary,  you  can  imagine  the  brilliancy  of  the  con- 
versation. However,  she  understood  my  signs  and 
prepared  me  a  dinner  of  pork,  prunes,  flatcake  and  tea. 

Later  in  the  afternoon  I  met  two  ladies  from  "classic 
Boston,"  who  had  driven  out  from  Santa  Barbara.  They 
evinced  a  good  deal  of  interest  in  my  tour,  but  were 
greatly  mystified  by  my  slang  expressions,  which  I  used 
profusely,  for  fun,  of  course.  In  describing  my  arrival 
into  King  City,  it  was  expressed  like  this:  "My  off- 
side pony  was  stiff,  and  my  nigh  one  sore  and  done  to  a 
frazzle,  but  when  your  Uncle  Dudley  hit  up  the  straw, 
it  was  all  off  with  the  big  tramp." 

The  walk  down  the  mountain  proved  a  lovely  journey. 
The  excellent  road  winds  'round  and  'round  the  moun- 
tain. Away  off  to  the  left  can  be  seen  the  city  of  Santa 
Barbara,  situated  on  the  bay  twelve  miles  distant,  and 
stretching  beneath  you  for  miles  and  miles  are  orange 
and  lemon  groves  and  other  luxurious  vegetation. 

When  I  stumbled  rather  than  walked  into  the  Potter 
hotel,  after  having  traversed  forty  miles,  exhausted  and 
hungry,  you  can  imagine  the  sensation  created  among 
the  brilliant  assemblage  in  evening  dress. 

San  Francisco,  370  miles — 3,340  miles  New  York. 


The  Arizona  Limited  15 

CHAPTEK  III. 

GUEST   OF  THE   CAMARILLAS. 

A  Visit  to  a  Drunkard's  Ranch — A  Meeting  With  Two  Kindred 
Spirits — Los  Angeles — In  Sore  Straits — My  Friend  Attends 
a  Bargain  Sale — The  Journey  Resumed — Pasadena — "Old 
Scissors" — The  Lucky  Baldwin  Ranch. 

Wednesday  morning  found  me  on  the  road  to  Ven- 
tura, twenty-nine  miles  distant.  I  was  loth  to  leave 
Santa  Barbara,  and  am  firmly  resolved  some  day  to  re- 
turn to  this  land  of  orange  and  lemon  groves — this  city 
of  sunshine,  flowers  and  perpetual  summer. 

The  roadway  led  me  along  the  bay,  and  what  with  the 
exquisite  scenery  and  the  many  driving,  riding  and 
motoring  parties,  there  was  something  worth  seeing 
happening  every  minute.  Sampled  the  oranges  several 
times.  Are  they  good? 

Go  out  to  California  and  pull  one  of  these  big,  sweet, 
juicy  fellows  off  the  tree,  back  up  against  the  trunk  and 
eat  it.  I  bet  the  next  thing  you'll  do  will  be  to  pull 
another  and  still  another,  until  a  peck,  more  or  less,  is 
consumed. 

Arrived  in  Ventura  late  in  the  afternoon,  where  I 
was  nicely  received  by  the  hotel  proprietor. 

March  3rd  the  walk  was  to  Camarillas.  I  was  in 
imminent  danger  of  lodging  in  the  fence  corner  and 
boarding  at  the  creek.  The  city  boasts  of  three  houses, 
and  not  one  of  them  would  entertain  me.  However,  I 
learned  that  several  miles  further  on  lived  a  wealthy 


16  The  Arizona  Limited 

Castilian ;  and  knowing  it  to  be  the  last  opportunity  in 
eight  miles  where  a  night's  lodging  con  Id  be  procured,  I 
gave  him  a  talk  right  from  the  heart.  He  tumbled. 
Both  he  and  his  wife  were  the  personification  of  cordial- 
ity. He  possesses  five  thousand  acres,  and  plants  it 
all  in  lima  beans.  Ventura  county  raises  more  beans 
than  any  country  in  the  world. 

On  March  fourth  had  a  long  walk  of  thirty-seven 
miles  to  Calabasas.  Stopped  at  noon  at  a  drunkard's 
ranch.  Both  he  and  his  wife  are  brandy-drinkers. 
They  have  three  children,  a  boy  and  two  girls,  who  are 
daily  witnesses  to  their  fearful  debaucheries.  ~No  one 
was  found  at  the  home  but  a  deformed  dwarf,  the  cook 
and  general  utility  man.  The  old  fellow  told  me  the 
story.  For  weeks  at  a  time  neither  father  nor  mother 
draw  a  sober  breath.  When  drunk  they  have  an  insane 
desire  to  separate  their  belongings.  Consequently  the 
daily  fights. 

The  children  for  the  past  two  years  had  not  attended 
school,  but  have  lived  in  the  filth  and  squalor  of  the  most 
wretched  home  I  had  ever  seen.  They  are  quite  weal- 
thy, and,  judging  from  their  pictures,  evidently  came 
from  a  good  English  family. 

I  made  Calabasas  in  time  for  supper.  A  few  minutes 
after  my  arrival  two  men  walked  into  the  hotel.  They 
were  going  to  San  Francisco,  and  from  thence  to  the 
far  East  as  war  correspondents. 

Eeached  Los  Angeles  at  six  o'clock,  and  the  "Exam- 
iner" headed  its  article  the  next  morning,  "Walked 
thirty  miles  in  time  for  dinner." 


The  Arizona  Limited  17 

You  doubtless  remember  that  passage  in  Mark  An- 
tony's oration  over  the  dead  body  of  Caesar :  "Oh,  what 
a  fall  was  there,  my  countrymen,"  et  cetera.  My  fall 
to  the  ten-cent  eating  dumps  from  such  famous  hostel- 
ries  as  the  Vendome,  El  Paso  de  Robles  and  The  An- 
geles, was  co-equal  with  Caesar's. 

Don't  think  for  a  moment  that  we  dined  regularly, 
even  at  these  cheap  joints.  Sometimes  it  was  once, 
again  twice,  and,  if  it  was  three  times,  we  esteemed 
ourselves  the  "Darlings  of  the  Gods." 

A  Chicago  newspaper  man  is  the  other  person  of 
"we."  He  lost  his  money  playing  the  ponies,  and  I 
had  only  two-forty  when  I  hit  the  town,  so  we  pooled 
our  interests  during  my  stay  in  the  city.  Occasionally 
around  the  hotel  lobbies  a  picture  card  was  sold  to  an 
Eastern  "sucker."  Sometimes  I  thought  the  aforesaid 
suckers  knew  that  I  was  in  need  of  a  meal,  although 
nothing  but  big  money  was  ever  talked. 

My  eighty-cent  Ingersoll  repeater  was  up  with  one  of 
the  "most  popular  restauranturs"  for  five  ten-cent  meals, 
but  as  it  wouldn't  run,  he  called  in  his  ticket.  Once, 
after  we  had  gone  twenty-four  hours  without  our  daily 
ten-center,  Chicago  and  myself  decided  something  just 
had  to  be  "did."  Chicago  was  delegated  a  committee 
of  one  to  make  a  "touch"  in  Pasadena,  where  he  had  a 
friend  stopping.  Late  in  the  afternoon  in  he  came, 
staggering  under  a  load  of  parcels.  "Goodness  1" 
thought  I,  "he  has  gone  temporarily  deranged  and 
bought  out  a  whole  grocery  store." 

This  is  what  he  unwrapped: 


18  The  Arizona  Limited 

Six  pairs  of  ladies'  fancy  hosiery, 

Eight  lace  collarettes, 

Four  large  magnifying  glasses, 

Nine  quires  of  blue  writing  paper. 

Chicago  had  attended  a  bargain  sale,  and  was  "as 
tickled  as  the  mother  of  a  baby  with  a  new  tooth." 

I  stood  it  all  until  he  produced  from  the  last  package 
four  of  the  largest,  longest  and  ugliest  paper  snakes  I 
ever  saw.  The  trash  represented  one  hundred  meals — 
yes,  it  was  too  much ;  I  lifted  up  my  face  and  wept. 

Los  Angeles  is  a  very  remarkable  city.  From  a  popu- 
lation of  11,000  in  1880  it  has  become  the  second  city 
west  of  the  Rockies,  with  a  population  of  180,000  souls. 
And  what  a  cosmopolitan  place  it  is — people  from  every 
section  of  the  globe  are  numbered  among  its  population. 
The  parks  and  avenues  are  wonderful,  both  abounding 
in  semi-tropical  vegetation  and  shaded  by  the  eucalyptus 
and  the  pepper. 

After  a  four-weeks'  stay  in  Los  Angeles,  the  trip  was 
resumed  on  April  second.  A  local  paper  published 
something  about  my  projected  tour  across  the  Great 
American  Desert  with  a  three-cent  piece,  which  drew 
quite  a  crowd  to  the  City  Hall  to  see  me  start ;  or,  as  one 
man  expressed  it,  "to  see  the  man  who  was  that  big  a 
fool."  My  top-knot  was  bedecked  with  a  Mexican  straw 
sombrero,  elaborately  trimmed  with  silver  braid.  It 
was  very  becoming  to  my  style  of  beauty. 

Walked  down  Orange  avenue  in  Pasadena,  considered 
by  many  the  most  beautiful  in  the  world.  How  allur- 
ing and  seductive  is  this  Southern  California  !  When 


The  Arizona  Limited  19 

I  find  that  heiress  I  have  been  searching  for  lo,  these 
many  years,  she  will  be  allowed  (don't  you  think  it 
exceedingly  magnanimous  in  me?)  to  select  our  future 
residence  from  one  of  three  places,  viz. :  Santa  Barbara, 
Los  Angeles  or  Pasadena.  Each  is  so  altogether  charm- 
ing and  attractive  that  it  would  be  impossible  for  me  to 
decide  which  is  the  most  so. 

Walked  through  the  Lucky  Baldwin  ranch,  the  home 
of  some  of  America's  greatest  thoroughbreds.  Baldwin 
has  divided  a  portion  of  it  into  lots,  and  is  building  the 
town  of  Arcadia ;  it  is  appropriately  named,  certainly. 

Late  in  the  afternoon  met  quite  a  character  in  the 
person  of  one  Frederick  Cassion,  occupation,  scissors- 
grinder,  formerly  of  New  Orleans ;  he  was  a  Louisiana 
Tiger  in  the  Civil  War. 

" Yes,  sir ;  so  you  are  from  the  South,  sir  ?"  he  rattled 
on  in  his  thin,  piping  voice.  "From  Virginia,  you  say, 
sir  ?  Nice  place,  sir,  is  Virginia,  sir.  Near  Winches- 
ter, sir  ?" 

"I  live  further  up  the  Shenandoah  Valley,  at  Lex- 
ington," answered  I. 

"Know  where  it  is  very  well,  sir ;  the  place  where  Lee 
and  Jackson  are  buried,  sir — Virginia  is  a  nice  place 
to  be  buried  in,  sir." 

"And  a  good  place  to  live,  too,"  I  added. 

"Why  do  you  wear  glasses,  sir,"  inquired  the  old  man, 
"are  you  near-sighted,  sir  ?" 

"My  trouble,"  said  I,  "is  astigmatism — that  is,  my 
eyes  do  not  focus  without  a  strain.  These  lenses  are 
ground  especially  for  them  and  correct  this  natural  de- 
fect." 


20  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Ah,  sir,  I  see,  sir,  you  are  well  graduated,  sir,  for 
one  coming  from  Virginia,  sir." 

Dig  number  two  for  the  Old  Dominion. 

"  Scissors"  and  myself  walked  for  a  couple  of  hours 
together.  He  said  he  spent  his  winters  in  California 
and  the  summers  in  the  East,  where  he  could  make  more 
money,  but  that  the  wintry  winds  of  the  East  were 
highly  detrimental  to  his  delicate  mechanism.  We  were 
talking  about  the  war  when  his  practiced  eye  spied  a 
vacant  shed  situated  in  an  orange  grove,  which  he  said 
looked  good  to  him  for  the  night. 

I  was  traveling  in  the  San  Gabriel  valley,  which,  by 
means  of  irrigation,  is  developing  into  a  very  rich  sec- 
tion of  California. 

The  following  is  an  extract  from  the  San  Demas 
Eagle: 

"Michael  G.  Harman  was  in  town  last  Sunday  on  his 
way  to  New  York,  a-foot.  He  started  from  Frisco  and 
intends  to  see  the  country  to  the  best  advantage.  The 
two  things  distinguishing  the  gentleman  are  his  great 
height  and  his  great  hat.  The  latter  caused  one  of  our 
young  hopefuls  to  lisp,  'Gimme  ride  on  your  somrero.' ' 

San  Francisco,  515  miles — 3,195  miles  New  York. 


The  Arizona  Limited  21 

CHAPTER  IV. 

JOURNEY  WITH  A  DESERT  RAT. 

The  Unmitigated  Nerve  of  a  Hobo — A  Terrible  Night  in  Cajon 
Cafion — The  Walker  Enters  the  Desert — The  Mouth  of  the 
Valley  of  Death — Professor  George  Lament  Webster,  the 
Desert  Poet  Song-writer,  Dramatist,  Inventor  and  Financier. 

At  San  Bernardino  I  purchased  a  second-hand  canteen 
for  fifteen  cents,  in  which,  as  we  say  down  in  old  Vir- 
ginia, to  "tote"  my  water. 

Overtook  north  of  San  Bernardino  a  prospector,  or 
"desert  rat,"  as  they  are  called  in  the  far  West,  packing 
from  Yuma,  Arizona,  to  Barstow,  California.  Two 
burros  packed  his  outfit. 

He  was  found  to  be  quite  well  educated  and  very  en- 
tertaining. In  conversation  he  said: 

"For  twenty  years  I  have  been  roving  over  this  desert 
country  of  eastern  California,  Arizona  and  Nevada  in 
search  of  gold.  Was  engaged  to  marry  a  girl  in  Ver- 
mont when  I  came  west  to  seek  my  fortune.  I  am,  as 
you  see,  still  seeking.  The  last  communication  received 
from  her  was  fifteen  years  ago — an  invitation  to  her 
wedding." 

"Do  you  ever  contemplate  returning  home?"  I  in- 
quired. 

ilp]N"ot  unless  I  strike  it  rich,"  he  answered,  "and  then 
only  for  a  time.  Guess  my  bones  will  be  laid  on  these 
desert  wastes.  You  see,  partner,"  he  continued,  "this 

2. 


22  The  Arizona  Limited 

wild,  free  life  of  the  prospector  wholly  unfits  one  for 
the  conventionalities  of  the  East." 

"Have  you  ever  found  any  gold  in  your  long  search  ?" 
I  asked.  "Yes,"  he  replied,  "but  only  a  thousand  or 
so,  when  the  claim  petered  out." 

"Don't  you  ever  become  discouraged  ?"  was  the  next 
enquiry. 

"At  times,  yes;  but  then,"  he  added  with  a  laugh, 
"the  dearest  and  sweetest  word  in  the  English  language 
is  'hope'.  Hope  is  to  the  prospector  what  religion  is  to 
a  woman." 

A  grand  and  sublime  exhibition  of  unmitigated  nerve 
came  under  my  observation  at  a  way-station  called  Ken- 
wood. The  Desert  Rat  was  watering  and  unpacking  his 
burros,  and  I  was  taking  a  short  rest  before  starting  on 
the  last  ten  miles  to  the  Summit. 

There  was  also  a  hobo  doing  the  rest  act.  We  heard, 
several  miles  distant,  one  of  the  immense  Santa  Ee 
engines  climbing  the  terrific  grade  to  the  Summit. 

"I'm  going  to  board  that  train,"  said  the  'bo,  and 
down  the  track  he  went  for  a  hundred  yards  or  more, 
and  was  lost  to  view  in  the  undergrowth  bordering  the 
track.  The  train,  a  passenger  one,  didn't  stop  at  Ken- 
wood, but  pulled  by  very  slowly. 

Where  do  you  suppose  our  'bo  was  ?  Listen  !  Stand- 
ing on  the  observatory  platform  of  a  private  car,  leaning 
gracefully  against  the  door-sill,  smoking  a  cigarette  and 
viewing  the  passing  scenery. 

"Surely,"  said  I,  "that  is  our  friend  of  a  few  minutes 
ago  on  that  private  car." 


The  Arizona  Limited  23 

"It  most  certainly  is,"  replied  the  Desert  Rat,  "what 
is  it  these  fellows  won't  do." 

A  railroad  agent  advised  me  to  make  a  short  cut 
through  Cajon  canon  to  the  Summit.  It  was  nearly 
sundown  when  the  canon  was  reached,  and  common-sense 
should  have  kept  me  on  the  railroad  track,  but  it  didn't ; 
maybe  I  haven't  any — if  I  have,  none  was  exercised. 
Ere  a  mile  was  covered,  the  canon  was  wrapped  in  inky 
blackness ;  nothing  was  discernible  but  the  tops  of  those 
great  perpendicular  walls  of  the  canon,  against  the  star- 
lit sky.  Time  after  time  I  fell  sprawling  over  large 
boulders  which  the  trail,  if  it  could  be  called  such,  was 
strewn  with.  Again  and  again  I  wandered  out  of  the 
trail  into  the  underbrush.  The  going  was  very  heavy 
— sinking  into  the  sand  up  to  my  shoetops. 

Finally  I  lost  the  trail  completely,  and,  after  several 
vain  attempts  to  regain  it,  accepted  the  inevitable,  to 
camp  in  the  canon  and  await  daylight.  Crawled  around 
on  the  ground  to  gather  a  few  twigs  to  start  a  fire.  The 
canons  get  intensely  cold  at  night.  I  was  very  hungry, 
not  having  tasted  food  for  twelve  hours,  and  nearly  per- 
ishing with  thirst.  The  fire  had  died  to  a  bed  of  coals, 
and  evidently  I  had  been  dozing  for  some  time,  when  I 
was  aroused  by  a  terrible  roar  in  close  proximity — a 
mountain  lion — which  reverberated  from  one  canon  wall 
to  the  ottar.  Was  I  scared  ?  Oh,  no ;  not  at  all ;  could 
feel  myself  turn  from  purple  to  green  and  from  green 
to  purple ;  the  blood  froze,  and  my  heart  stopped  beating 
it  seemed  to  me  for  an  hour.  The  only  weapon  of  de- 
fense carried  was  a  double-edged  hunting  knife  with  an 


24  The  Arizona  Limited 

eight-inch  blade,  placed  in  my  leggings.  Involuntarily 
my  hand  sought  the  knife;  Caesar's  ghost  and  seedless 
persimmons,  it  was  missing  !  It  had  slipped  from  its 
place  in  one  of  my  numerous  falls.  'Twould  have  been 
of  little  service  except  for  the  effect  on  my  courage,  for, 
in  an  encounter  with  a  wild  beast  unless  a  vital  point 
is  reached  at  the  first  stab,  it  is  useless. 


The  Arizona  Limited 


25 


Soon  an  answering  roar  was  heard  at  some  distance 
from  the  camp.  I  knew  it  was  the  lion's  mate,  and  soon 
I  would  have  two  surrounding  the  camp  instead  of  one. 

I  was  oblivious  to  hunger,  cold,  thirst  and  sleep.  One 
thought  absorbed  me — body  and  soul — could  I  keep  the 
fire  going  until  daybreak?  I  knew  full  well  that  my 
safety  depended  on  that  alone.  I  gathered  all  the  sticks 


26  The  Arizona  Limited 

and  twigs  within  a  radius  of  ten  feet ;  was  afraid  to  stray 
further.  The  occasional  roars  of  the  beasts  alone  broke 
the  intense  silence  of  that  gloomy  canon.  Every  time 
I  heard  a  noise  I'd  add  a  new  stick  to  the  fire  to  make 
the  blaze  larger;  and  pray  to  the  Lord.  It's  strange 
what  queer  thoughts  one  has  in  times  of  imminent  dan- 
ger. Wondered  if  they'd  come  with  their  mouths  open, 
and  if  they  did,  could  I  scare  them  away  by  thrusting  a 
brand  in  the  mouth  or  the  eye;  burn  them  a  bit,  you 
know. 

The  lions  were  distinctly  heard  crossing  the  canon 
both  above  and  below  the  camp.  Thought  several  times 
I  saw  the  glare  of  their  eyes  by  the  camp-fire  light,  but 
it  may  have  been  only  my  overwrought  imagination. 

No  doting  mother  ever  watched  more  anxiously  over  a 
beloved  child  than  I  did  over  that  fire.  An  hour  before 
the  break  of  day  my  wood  supply  was  exhausted,  and  it 
was  necessary  to  take  a  short  excursion  for  a  supply, 
which  was  obtained  some  twenty-five  feet  from  the 
camp ;  expected  to  be  nabbed  every  step  of  the  way,  but 
was  unmolested.  No  doubt  the  lions  had  sought  their 
lair,  as  they  hadn't  been  heard  for  several  hours. 

When  morning  came  I  felt  a  thousand  years  old,  but 
retraced  the  route  and  found  my  knife.  After  a  walk 
of  six  miles,  arrived  at  a  stationhouse  where  I  received 
a  much-needed  breakfast. 

The  night  following  was  passed  on  the  floor  of  a  sta- 
tionhouse. In  the  morning  I  practically  invited  myself 
to  breakfast  with  the  agent  who  seemed  reluctant  to  dis- 
pense his  hospitality.  Was  at  first  inclined  to  be  indig- 


The  Arizona  Limited  27 

nant,  and  start  out  hungry,  but  thought  better  of  it  and 
decided  to  give  vent  to  my  indignation  at  a  more  oppor- 
tune moment. 

After  passing  the  Summit  I  was  on  the  Desert  proper. 
The  fragrant  flowers  would  no  more  revive  the  weary 
walker,  nor  could  he  recline  under  the  friendly  shade  of 
an  orange  tree  and  have  his  hunger  appeased  and  palate 
tickled  by  the  juicy  fruit.  I  felt  very  badly  at  leaving 
the  most  beautiful  country  in  the  world  behind  me,  with 
eight  hundred  miles  of  barren  alkali  wastes  in  front. 
For  the  flowers  I  had  the  sagebrush — for  the  cultivated 
people,  the  desert  rats  and  degenerate  red  men.  It's  a 
treacherous  and  dangerous  country,  and  it  has  been  said 
of  it  that  "a  crow  must  carry  his  rations''  as  he  flies 
across.  I  had  no  idea  of  flying,  neither  did  I  carry  any 
rations,  and  seventy-three  cents  was  all  the  money  I 
had ;  but  I  felt  supremely  confident  I  would  reach  Albu- 
querque on  schedule  time. 

Saturday  morning,  April  ninth,  I  arrived  at  Barstow 
and  ate  luncheon  at  the  railroad  restaurant.  I  have  quite 
a  weakness  for  large,  juicy  beefsteaks — and  had  one. 
On  leaving  Barstow,  I  for  the  first  time  faced  due  east- 
ward. In  the  afternoon  I  passed  Daggett,  which  is 
situated  at  the  mouth  of  the  Valley  of  Death,  so  named 
because  of  its  deadly  peril  to  travelers.  Was  very  thank- 
ful it  was  only  necessary  for  me  to  pass,  and  not 
traverse  it. 

It  was  rather  late,  when  entering  the  station  at 
dewberry,  which  consists  of  a  station  house  and  water 
tank,  I  was  greeted  by  a  vision,  not  a  lovely  one,  but  a 


28  The  Arizona  Limited 

vision  nevertheless.  It  was  Professor  George  Lamont 
Webster,  the  "Desert  Poet,"  in  all  the  habiliments  of 
night  fireman  and  telegraph  operator  on  a  hot  night  in 
the  desert,  viz. :  a  dirty  balbriggan  shirt,  a  pair  of  blue 
overalls,  tennis  shoes,  and  a  four-weeks'  growth  of  red 
beard. 

His  fiery  red  hair  was  a  foot  long,  more  or  less.  The 
Professor  was  certainly  a  peach  for  looks. 

He  was  very  cordial  in  his  greeting : 

"Sit  right  down  and  rest  yourself,"  he  said,  "you 
know  I'm  a  literary  genius." 

I  at  once  knew  he  was  a  character.  Soon  he  produced 
a  printed  copy  of  a  poem  published  by  a  St.  Louis  con- 
cern. The  reproduction  of  the  title  page  will  give  you 
some  idea  of  the  richness  of  the  context : 

"The  Great  Poem, 

MILLEE, 
The  Companion  Poem, 

Milloo. 

Copyrighted  1903  by  George  Lamont  Webster, 
Author  of  the  Beautiful  Songs, 

Sweet  Mamie  McLain, 

Now  she's  mine,  the  village  belle, 

Pray  tell  them  you  heard  that  I  was  dead. 

Sporting  play: 

HABDING  KNOX  PRIZE-FIGHTER, 
The  Comedy — How  Mr.  Carter  got  out  of  it." 

The  poem  is  very  pathetic.  The  professor,  while 
reading  it  to  me  in  his  most  impressive  style,  was  moved 
to  tears.  Milloo  is  a  parody  on  Millee. 


The  Arizona  Limited  29 

"It's  all  very  beautiful  and  pathetic,  Professor,"  said 
I,  at  the  same  time  wiping  away  the  tears  which  were 
standing  on  my  cheeks  like  dewdrops  on  a  full-blown 
rose  on  a  July  morn,  "but  tell  me  why  you  had  Millee 
and  Milloo  published  and  bound  together  ?  It  seems  to 
me  it  rather  mars  Millee.  Possibly  it  was  to  accentuate 
the  extreme  pathos  of  the  latter ;  am  I  right  ?" 

"In  a  way,  yes,"  was  the  reply.  "Millee  is  unques- 
tionably the  greatest  poem  since  Gray's  Elegy  in  a 
Country  Churchyard.  Whenever  a  really  great  poem 

or  song  is  written,  some  d d  fool  comes  along  with  a 

parody.     I  anticipated  him,  and  wrote  it  myself." 

"Now,"  he  continued,  "I  am  so  busily  engaged  on 
many  large  enterprises  that  I  haven't  the  time  to  push 
this  poem.  You  must  handle  it  for  me.  When  you 
reach  St.  Louis  have  some  beautiful  lady  recite  it  with 
illustrated  pictures.  She'll  become  famous  and  be  known 
forever  afterwards  as  the  woman  who  recited  Millee. 
When  you  go  through  Kansas,  gather  a  troupe,  and  stage 
at  the  World's  Fair  the  comedy,  "How  Mr.  Carter  got 
out  of  it." 

"But,  Professor,"  interrupted  I,  "do  you  think  the 
rural  districts  of  the  Sunflower  State  a  good  place  to 
gather  theatrical  timber?" 

"No  trouble  at  all.  Tell  them  we'll  make  them  stars 
for  life." 

Happened  to  open  casually  the  copy  of  "How  Mr. 
Carter  got  out  of  it,"  and  the  first  passage  that  caught 
my  eye  was  this : 


30  The  Arizona  Limited 

"What  are  you  doing  there,  Katie  ?" 

"Oh,  father,  don't  bother  now.  I  am  singing  aiid 
playing  the  beautiful  songs  written  by  Professor  George 
Lamont  Webster." 

"Are  you  not,"  enquired  I,  "going  to  let  me  stage  the 
sporting  play,  'Harding  Knox — Prize-fighter  ?'  If  I'm 
going  to  dabble  in  theatricals,  I  might  as  well  go  the 
limit." 

"No,  I  think  not,"  said  he,  thoughtfully;  "I'm  re- 
serving that  to  play  myself  at  some  future  time." 

"Professor,  what  are  these  immense  enterprises  that 
you  spoke  of  ?" 

"I'm  promoting  a  railroad  from  Denver  to  Los  An- 
geles," was  the  reply. 

"What  effect,"  I  asked,  "will  that  have  on  the  Salt 
Lake  and  the  Santa  Fe  roads?" 

"What  effect  will  it  have  ?"  he  repeated  slowly ;  "the 
former  will  be  down  and  out,  and  the  Santa  Fe  won't  be 
worth  a ,  west  of  Albuquerque." 

He  continued,  "I  am  promoting  what  is  to  be  known 
as  the  George  Lamont  Webster  Consolidated  Mining 
Company,  with  an  authorized  capital  of  fifty  millions. 
I  have  also  a  patent  medicine,  invented  by  myself, 
'George  Lamont  Webster's  Hair  Specific,'  which  will 
grow  hair  on  a  billiard  ball." 

"That's  all  the  gold  mine  you  need,  Professor,"  I 
added.  "Grow  John  D.  a  little  bunch  of  whiskers,  and 
a  cool  million  is  yours." 

"An  excellent  idea,  Harm  an.  I'll  give  you  a  box  and 
when  you  reach  Cleveland,  give  it  to  the  old  man  and  let 
him  try  it." 


The  Arizona  Limited  31 

"And,  in  addition  to  the  other  propositions,  I'm  the 
greatest  mechanical  genius  of  the  age.  Have  invented 
a  rotary  steam  engine  which  will  revolutionize  the  me- 
chanical world.  This  company  will  be  known  as  'The 
George  Lamont  Webster  Engine  Company.7  You  un- 
derstand, Harm  an,  I'll  under  no  circumstances  accept  a 
subordinate  position  in  any  of  my  enterprises.  I  must 
be  president  of  them  all." 

"Quite  right  you  are,  Professor,"  said  I.  "But  the 
desert  is  no  place  to  financier  enterprises.  Go  to  Wall 
street,  New  York,  and  beard  'the  lion  (J.  P.)  in  his 
den.'  " 

"I  was  a  man  of  large  affairs  in  Texas ;  why,  once,  I 
had  the  hay  market  all  but  cornered  when  my  partner 
put  me  on  the  bum.  Thank  God,  the  scoundrel  is  now 
cutting  logs  in  the  swamps  of  Texas  at  a  dollar  and  a 
half  per." 

My  couch  was  made  on  the  counter  in  the  station. 
The  last  thing  remembered  was  the  Professor,  standing 
by  my  side,  singing  in  a  low,  soft  tone,  "Pray  tell  them 
you  heard  I  was  dead." 

I  was. 


32  The  Arizona  Limited 

I  inspired  the  following  choice  bit  of  poetry,  which 
the  Professor  produced  during  my  oblivious  hours : 

MY  ERIEND  MIKE. 

The  first  I  saw  of  my  friend  Mike, 
Was  out  on  the  desert  one  dark  night, 
And  he  was  long  and  lean  of  shank 
As  he  walked  up  to  the  water  tank. 

Now  Erisco  to  York  is  quite  a  way 
The  trip,  you  know,  is  not  made  in  a  day, 
He  started  out  with  just  three  cents 
But  plenty  of  courage  and  good  sense. 

To  walk  all  the  way,  the  sights  to  see, 
And  write  for  the  papers,  or  a  book  maybe ; 
To  gain  coin  and  health  as  well, 
Mayhap  a  BRIDE,  one  can  never  tell. 

Altho'  quite  tired  from  his  long  walk 

He  was  cheerful,  and  I  enjoyed  his  talk; 

But  one  question  of  his  jarred  me  out  of  my  seat : 

Where  could  he  find  a  place  to  wash  his  feet! 

That  feet  could  be  washed  I  had  forgotten  for  years 
Mem'ry  called  up  the  picture  of  feet  washed  with 

tears, 

And  dried  with  strands  of  beautiful  hair 
Erom  the  head  of  a  woman  surpassingly  fair. 


The  Arizona  Limited  33 

Sleep  on,  friend,  your  journey 's  but  begun ; 
Before  you  lies  fame,  wife  and  fortune; 
Best  for  your  feet  and  brain,  you  need,  I  know, 
Also  a  wholesome  breakfast  before  you  go. 

Altho'  we  meet  on  these  desert  sands 

We  may  meet  again  in  better  lands. 

The  Call  of  the  Wild'  has  no  charms  for  me, 

And  I  long  some  beautiful  city  to  see. 

Somewhere  fortune  waits  for  you  and  me, 

Then,  when  life  is  what  it  should  be, 

And  bright  lights,  music  and  lovely  women  hold 

sway, 
We'll  pledge  our  friendship  anew  in  that  better  day. 

San  Francisco,  637  miles — 3,073  miles  New  York. 


34  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTEK  V. 

LUDLOW. 

Death  by  Thirst  the  Most  Horrible  of  All — How  a  Novice  Mis- 
judged Distances  in  the  Desert — A  Night  Walk — An  At- 
tempted Hold-up  Frustrated — Intense  Heat  at  Needles — 
Cross  the  Colorado  River — Grafting  Meals  in  the  Desert — 
Kingman. 

On  April  ninth  I  walked  to  Ludlow.  The  night 
operator  conducted  me  to  a  box-car  where  a  luxurious 
couch  was  constructed  out  of  gunny  sacks.  No  Vander- 
bilt  or  Astor,  on  his  down,  slept  a  better  sleep  or  enjoyed 
it  more  thoroughly  than  did  the  pedestrian.  Guess  Pd 
be  sleeping  yet  had  the  night  operator  not  banged  on 
the  car,  and  informed  me  the  agent  desired  my  company 
at  breakfast.  At  the  word  "breakfast,"  the  walker  was 
alert.  There  is  not  a  word  in  Webster's  Unabridged 
that  will  make  a  long-distance  walker  "sit  up  and  take 
notice"  quicker.  I  was  on  the  job  in  five  minutes  by 
the  watch,  and  it  was  ham  and  eggs.  On  a  long  walk, 
for  a  stayer,  they  can't  be  beat  in  a  hundred  years. 

The  next  day  journeyed  to  Bagdad.  This  section  of 
the  desert  is  situated  only  a  few  hundred  feet  above  the 
sea  level,  and  the  weather  was  intensely  warm.  The 
amount  of  water  one  consumed  was  appalling.  When 
walking  my  throat  was  parched  all  the  time ;  the  alkali 
is  like  powder,  it's  so  fine,  and  lodges  in  the  nostrils 
and  throat.  At  times  it  is  impossible  to  swallow  with- 
out the  aid  of  tepid  water  from  the  canteen.  In  the 


The  Arizona  Limited  35 

desert,  to  see  that  one's  water  supply  is  sufficient  is  of 
primary  importance.  This  had  been  impressed  on  me 
by  the  stories  of  the  old-timers  in  the  country. 

If  a  person  is  in  distress  a  train  must  stop  and  pick 
him  up ;  it  is  against  the  law  for  a  train  to  put  one  off 
except  at  a  water  tank.  A  railroad  man  of  twenty 
years'  experience  said: 

"One  of  the  peculiarities  of  a  man  dying  of  thirst, 
after  his  tongue  begins  to  swell  and  he  gets  delirious, 
is  to  disrobe  by  piecemeal.  Whenever  an  engineer  on 
his  lookout  sees  a  pair  of  shoes  here,  a  hat  there,  and, 
a  little  further  on,  a  coat,  the  crew  is  notified  to  keep 
a  sharp  lookout — for  there's  a  man  dying  of  thirst  in 
the  desert.  And,"  he  continued,  "the  chances  are  that 
within  a  mile  or  so  (they  go  quickly  when  they  get  de- 
lirious) the  poor  devil  will  be  found,  naked  and  down 
on  his  knees,  digging  in  the  sand  for  water,  with  his 
fingers  all  broken  and  bleeding.  Of  course  when  a  man 
is  that  far  gone  it  is  next  to  impossible  to  save  him." 

To  illustrate  how  quickly  one  goes  in  the  extreme 
weather,  a  man  told  me  he  had  known  of  numerous  cases 
where  the  victim  had  been  within  a  quarter  of  a  mile  of 
water  and  succumbed  before  reaching  it. 

When  Bagdad  was  reached  the  manager  of  Fred  Har- 
vey's entertained  me  at  supper.  Gave  him  a  photo- 
graph of  myself,  and  he  must  have  liked  the  cut  of  my 
jib,  for  he  invited  me  to  breakfast.  It  was  only  neces- 
sary to  throw  a  little  jolly  into  these  fellows,  and  nine 
times  in  ten  they  would  tumble. 


36  The  Arizona  Limited 

It  was  with  no  regrets  that  at  five  o'clock  I  left  my 
couch ;  even  the  softest  spot  on  the  floor  grows  hard  after 
a  few  hours. 

Six  o'clock  found  me  hitting  it  up  to  Danby. 

After  traversing  fifteen  miles  arrived  at  a  side-track, 
where  I  found  a  commissary  car  of  a  large  steel  gang. 
Far  be  it  from  me  to  pass  anything  like  a  cook-car. 
Found  the  commissary,  and,  at  his  solicitation,  decided 
to  spend  the  day  with  him,  and  walk  the  remaining 
twenty  miles  to  Danby  after  sundown. 

He  and  I  were  sitting  in  the  doorway  of  the  car,  en- 
deavoring to  keep  cool  in  a  temperature  of  something 
over  a  hundred  degrees  in  the  shade,  when  I  observed  as 
follows : 

"After  the  sun  disappears,  suppose  we  step  over  to 
those  mountains  and  make  a  hurried  investigation — 
they  look  interesting  and  we  may  find  a  gold  mine." 

It  was  a  horse  on  me.  He  lay  back  in  his  chair  and 
howled  with  delight. 

"How  far  do  you  think  those  mountains  are  from 
here  ?"  he  enquired. 

"A  couple  of  miles,"  was  my  reply. 

"Multiply  that  by  six  and  you  have  the  distance." 

Noticing  the  incredulous  look  on  my  face,  he  con- 
tinued : 

"It  is  simply  impossible  for  a  novice  properly  to 
judge  distances  in  this  atmosphere." 

Left  the  camp  at  five  o'clock  for  the  night  walk  to 
Danby.  How  different  from  any  other  night  stroll  in 
my  recollection!  Hitherto  every  few  minutes  some 


The  Arizona  Limited  37 

evidence  of  animal  life  would  be  manifested.  The 
croak  of  a  frog,  bark  of  a  dog,  sound  of  horses'  hoofs  on 
the  roadway,  or  a  halloo — something  that  would  let  you 
know  you  were  not  alone  in  the  world.  But  out  here 
in  the  desert  it  was  different.  Several  times  I  paused 
and  listened,  but  not  a  sound  emanating  from  one  of 
God's  living  creatures  could  I  catch.  Even  the  monoto- 
nous call  of  the  whip-poor-will  would  have  been  welcome. 
The  stillness  of  death  reigned.  Nothing  appeared  in- 
viting or  attractive ;  even  the  mountains  arose  tall,  bare 
and  forbidding,  on  the  horizon  of  this  country  accursed 
by  the  Almighty  in  his  wrath.  The  feeling  of  loneliness 
and  solitude  is  indescribable. 

You  can  imagine  how  startled  I  was  when  upon 
rounding  a  sharp  curve  I  saw  a  camp-fire  something  like 
a  hundred  yards  from  the  track.  I  knew  from  the  way 
it  was  burning  that  it  had  but  lately  been  replenished, 
but  because  of  its  glare  could  discern  no  person. 

It  was  fortunate  that  it  was  there  as  I  was  getting 
dopy,  and  it  thoroughly  aroused  me  for  an  adventure  I 
was  to  encounter  a  few  minutes  later.  Half  a  mile  east 
of  the  fire  is  the  side-track  called  Cadiz,  six  miles  west 
of  Danby.  Just  as  I  was  opposite  the  side-track  I  heard 
two  men  talking,  and  saw  them  walking  rapidly  west- 
ward. I  stopped  dead  in  my  tracks  and  listened.  Could 
tell  by  the  sound  that  we  were  on  the  same  side  of  the 
track,  so  I  gently  crossed  over,  pulled  my  frog-sticker 
and  prepared  for  action.  As  it  was  only  starlight,  had 
my  suit  been  of  dark  material  they  would  have  passed 
without  noticing  me.  My  uniform  and  Mexican  som- 
brero, however,  attracted  their  attention. 

3. 


38  The  Arizona  Limited 

They  stopped  directly  opposite  me  with  a  start,  and, 
for  the  period  of  ten  seconds,  peered  intently  at  me.  The 
interval  was  sufficient  for  me  to  make  up  my  mind,  if 
need  be,  to  fight  to  a  finish,  for  I  knew  they  were  hoboes, 
as  no  baggage  was  carried  (an  almost  infallible  sign). 

They  separated  as  though  to  surround  me,  and  started 
to  cross  the  track. 

"Hands  up  !"  one  of  the  men  called. 

"Halt!"  came  from  me  in  a  ringing  tone,  and  I  was 
surprised  to  find  no  tremor  in  it.  Stay  on  your  side 
of  the  track  or  I'll  fire." 

They  halted  all  right.  The  'bos  were  sufficiently 
close  to  see  the  glitter  of  steel  in  the  starlight,  but,  of 
course,  couldn't  discern  that  it  was  not  a  revolver.  One 
of  them  asked : 

"Have-er-you  saw-er-a  young  fellow  walking  west  to- 
night?" 

"Not  a  soul  has  been  'saw'  for  fifteen  miles,"  was  my 
reply. 

"Could  you  give  a  fellow  a  bite  to  eat  or  a  drink  of 
water  from  the  canteen  ?"  he  next  enquired. 

The  same  old  game  to  take  you  off  your  guard. 

"No,  I'm  neither  a  perambulating  water-tank  nor 
travelling  commissary  for  the  public.  Now  move,  and 
lively,  too." 

I  let  their  footsteps  die  completely  out  before  resum- 
ing the  journey,  at  a  lively  rate,  to  Danby. 

The  agent  at  the  last-named  point  told  me  had  seen 
the  'bos  loafing  around  the  water  tank  in  the  afternoon, 
and  they  were  desperate-looking  characters.  Had  the 


The  Arizona  Limited  39 

wind  been  from  the  west  instead  of  the  east,  they  would 
have  had  the  drop  on  ME.  They'd  have  got  between  two 
freight  cars  (there  was  a  string  of  them  on  the  siding), 
cracked  me  on  the  head  with  a  coupling  pin,  taken  what 
I  had,  dug  a  hole  in  the  sand  and — well,  'twould  have 
been  the  end  of  little  Willie. 

The  next  morning  while  performing  my  toilet  in  the 
waiting-room,  which  consisted  of  lacing  my  shoes  and 
adjusting  my  eyeglasses,  I  overheard  the  night  operator 
informing  the  agent  of  my  arrival. 

"Some  fool  seeking  cheap  notoriety,"  was  his  com- 
ment. 

He  was  dead  easy,  though.  At  the  end  of  a  ten-min- 
utes' jolly  I  was  feasting  round  his  festive  board. 

April  thirteenth  reached  Needles.  In  the  afternoon, 
on  rounding  a  curve,  saw  the  town  situated  on  the  banks 
of  the  Colorado  river.  "Gee  !"  thought  I  to  myself, 
"but  the  old  boy  must  have  been  going  some  to-day. 
Another  hour  will  find  me  in  the  city." 

It  was  just  four  hours  by  the  watch  before  it  was 
reached.  I  was  twelve  miles  distant  when  the  town  was 
first  observed,  and  I  thought  it  four.  Passed  the  night 
at  a  hotel  and  occupied  an  inside  room,  with  the  ther- 
mometer registering  one  hundred  and  three  degrees  at 
seven  P.  M.  Needles  is  reckoned  the  second  warmest 
town  in  the  United  States — Yuma,  Arizona,  being  the 
first. 

The  Santa  Fe  depot  is  a  very  lively  and  interesting 
place. 

The  Mojave  squaws  are  quite  skilful  in  making  nov- 
elty beadwork.  All  day  long  they  squat  around  on  the 


40  The  Arizona  Limited 

platform,  arising  only  to  go  to  the  train  windows  to  dis- 
pose of  their  wares  to  the  suckers  bound  east  or  west. 

In  Topock  spent  the  night  with  an  old  prospector  who 
had  opened  a  general  store  there.  At  sundown  we  went 
over  to  the  banks  of  the  river,  made  a  fire  and  cooked 
supper. 

"Guess  you'd  like  to  know,"  said  the  old  man,  awhy, 
when  I  have  a  house  with  a  stove  in  it,  I  come  out  here 
to  cook,  but  I  have  been  cooking  and  living  in  the  open 
air  so  many  years  that  victuals  don't  taste  when  cooked 
on  a  stove  like  they  do  out  here." 

It  was  with  deep  regret  that  I  terminated  my  journey 
through  wonderful  and  beautiful  California  with  the 
crossing  of  the  Colorado  river.  The  Californians  are 
very  progressive,  hospitable  to  a  degree,  and  generous 
to  a  fault.  They  encouraged  me  when  despondent, 
housed  me  when  I  applied  for  shelter,  and  fed  me  when 
hungry;  not  once,  but  many  times.  My  treatment  at 
the  hands  of  the  Californians  will  ever  be  green  in  my 
memory. 

JSTot  aa  corner  in  my  heart,"  but  a  great  big  space 
will  be  reserved  for  Californians,  and  everything  per- 
taining to  California,  for  all  time. 

It  may  be  interesting  for  you  to  know  just  how  these 
people  in  the  desert  are  worked  for  meals  and  lodging. 
They  must  be  handled  with  consummate  skill,  for  as  a 
rule  there  is  only  one  family  at  a  station,  and  if  turned 
down  it  may  mean  no  supper  and  an  additional  walk  of 
a  dozen  miles. 


The  Arizona  Limited  41 

Before  leaving  Topock  I  ascertained  that  a  Kansan 
was  stationed  at  Francione,  was  married — no  children — 
who  had  only  been  in  the  desert  three  weeks.  All  the 
information  I  wanted ;  knew  he'd  be  dead  easy.  On  my 
arrival  at  the  last-named  point  found  the  agent  standing 
in  the  doorway  of  the  car,  which  was  used  both  as  an 
office  and  residence. 

I  came  up  smiling.  "This  is  Mr.  (we'll  call  him) 
Jones,  isn't  it  ?"  On  his  answering  in  the  affirmative,  I 
continued  :  "Am  very  glad  indeed  to  meet  you,  sir.  Al- 
low me  to  present  you  with  one  of  my  cards.  I  am  on  a 
walk  from  San  Francisco  to  New  York." 

"Come  into  the  car  and  rest  awhile.  I  am  curious  to 
know  who  told  you  my  name,"  he  replied. 

"There  is  no  mystery  about  that,  Mr.  Jones.  The 
agent  at  Topock  happened  to  mention  it  casually;  said 
he  talked  to  you  frequently  over  the  wire,"  was  the  reply. 

"Yes,  the  desert  is  so  lonesome  that  we  poor  devils 
learn  to  know  each  other  quite  well,  although  we'll  prob- 
ably never  meet  personally." 

"It  is  a  terrible  country  and  on  the  completion  of  this 
journey  it  will  be  dear  old  Kansas  for  me  in  the  future," 
said  I,  with  the  most  innocent  expression  in  the  world. 

Jones  covered  the  intervening  space  in  one  leap,  which 
by  actual  measurement  was  fourteen  feet,  grasped  me 
by  the  hand  and  exclaimed : 

"Great  Scott,  man,  are  you  from  Kansas  ?" 

"Great  Bend,  Barton  county,"  I  answered  (was  thor- 
oughly familiar  with  that  town,  as  a  month  had  been 
spent  in  that  vicinity  the  year  previous.) 

"I'm  from  Wichita,"  he  said. 


42  The  Arizona  Limited 

Then  it  was  my  turn  to  jump  fourteen  feet,  more  or 
less,  crack  my  heels  together,  grasp  him  by  the  hand  and 
exclaim : 

"This  is  certainly  a  remarkable  coincidence,  old  fel- 
low, that  we  two  worthy  scions  of  the  Sunflower  State 
should  meet  in  this  way  in  the  great  desert." 

In  a  few  minutes  he  trotted  in  "Estelle,"  and  it  was 
up  to  your  "Uncle  Dudley"  to  throw  a  bouquet. 

"Jones,  you  should  be  ashamed  to  bring  this  lovely 
sunflower  out  here  to  droop  midst  the  sagebrush  and  the 
cactus." 

It  reached  the  spot.  "Estelle,"  metaphorically  speak- 
ing, "put  the  big  pot  in  the  little  one,"  for  we  were  soon 
called  to  partake  of  the  best  dinner  I  had  eaten  since 
entering  the  desert. 

Who  will  say  that  this  fabrication  was  harmful?  I 
thereby  received  a  good  dinner  and  Jones  and  his  wife 
spent  an  enjoyable  two  hours.  When  they  return  home 
they'll  tell  their  friends  how  a  man  from  Kansas,  walk- 
ing from  San  Francisco  to  New  York,  dined  with  them, 
and  of  the  jolly  good  time  we  had  together. 

The  same  old  game  was  worked  every  day.  Nearly 
every  State  in  the  Union  had  been  visited  by  me,  and  I 
could  talk  intelligently  about  them  all.  If  a  man  was 
from  Illinois  I  was  from  the  same ;  if  he  was  from  Okla- 
homa, so  was  I ;  should  he  hail  from  Missouri,  you  had 
"to  show"  me.  Then,  again,  the  debt  was  on  their  side 
of  the  ledger.  ?Tis  true  my  meals  and  lodging  were 
given  me,  but  in  return  for  them  I  was  called  upon  to 
recite  anecdotes  of  my  travels,  relate  adventures,  answer 


The  Arizona  Limited  43 

a  multitude  of  questions,  and  appear  animated  and  in- 
terested when,  as  a  matter  of  fact,  I  was  so  worn  out  and 
sore  that  the  floor  (no  beds  those  days)  was  the  proper 
place  for  one  who  had  a  walk  the  next  day  in  front  of 
him  of,  possibly,  thirty  miles.  In  other  words,  was 
called  on  every  day  to  give  a  dollar  s  worth  of  chin-music 
for  a  twenty-five  cent  meal. 

San  Francisco,  848  miles — 2,862  miles  New  York. 


44  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTEE  VI. 

KINGMAN. 

The  Indian  School  at  Truxton — Williams — The  Grand  Canon  of 
Arizona — Flagstaff — The  Most  Delightful  Sensation  in  the 
World — A  Narrow  Escape  From  Death  at  the  Canon  Diablo — 
A  Cheerful  Man  With  Three  Wives  and  Eighteen  Children — 
The  Petrified  Forests — The  Walk  With  a  Swedish  Hobo — The 
Confusion  of  Tongues. 

At  Kingman  I  stopped  at  the  Commercial  Hotel.  The 
town  is  the  center  of  a  great  mining  district,  gold  and 
copper  being  found  in  large  quantities.  The  sheriff  of 
the  county  is  a  former  Alabamian;  before  I  left  he 
loaded  me  down  with  fruit  and  tobacco.  He  conducted 
me  through  his  office  which  is  decorated  with  souvenirs 
taken  from  the  real  "bad  men,;"  a  type  that  is  rarely 
found  now  except  in  fiction. 

After  I  crossed  the  Colorado  river  and  ascended  the 
plateau,  I  "swapped  the  devil  for  a  witch."  In  the 
California  desert  it  was  the  terrible  heat ;  in  Arizona  it 
was  the  horrible  wind,  which  blew  each  day  with  in- 
creasing velocity.  However,  my  Mexican  sombrero, 
which  was  tied  down  like  grandmother's  sunbonnet, 
afforded  my  face  great  protection  from  the  sand. 

April  eighteenth  I  reached  Truxton,  where  is  situ- 
ated the  new  Indian  school  for  the  Walapais  and  other 
tribes.  By  means  of  irrigation  the  superintendent  has 
created  a  veritable  Garden  of  Eden.  His  orchard  and 
garden  produce  nearly  every  fruit  and  vegetable  known 


The  Arizona  Limited  45 

in  the  United  States.  Of  course  the  beauties  of  the 
spot  are  accentuated  by  its  barren  surroundings. 

The  doctor  had  been  battling  for  six  weeks  with  an 
epidemic  of  measles,  and  in  the  course  of  conversation, 
he  said: 

"When  the  children  are  six  years  of  age  they  are 
brought  here  and  housed,  which  is  very  detrimental  to 
their  health.  They  have  very  delicate  constitutions 
and  are  susceptible  to  all  infectious  diseases.  Several 
of  the  children  with  the  measles  have  already  died,  and 
eight  of  the  little  chaps  are  hopelessly  ill  in  the  hospital 
with  complications  of  tuberculosis  in  various  forms/ 

"You  remember  the  old  proverb,"  he  continued, 
"  'you  can't  make  a  silk  purse  out  of  a  sow's  ear.'  We 
can  bring  them  here,  give  them  an  education,  teach  them 
how  to  sew,  cook,  to  be  carpenters  and  farmers,  but  we 
cannot  prevent  their  lapsing  into  a  semi-barbarous  con- 
dition on  their  return  to  the  reservation,  which  with 
few  exceptions  they  invariably  do.  They  are  a  race  of 
degenerates,  and  it's  only  a  question  of  a  few  years 
when  they  will  be  exterminated  by  tuberculosis." 

The  doctor  took  me  into  the  hospital  where  I  saw 
those  eight  swarthy  little  warriors  lying  side  by  side, 
and  ranging  in  age  from  eight  to  twelve  years.  The 
doctor  touched  the  terrible  places  on  their  bodies  and 
not  one  of  the  eight  emitted  so  much  as  a  cry  or  groan. 
But  the  agony  they  were  suffering  was  clearly  discerni- 
ble in  the  great  black  eyes  turned  on  the  doctor,  which 
plainly  said :  "I  know  you'll  help  me  if  you  can,  but 
if  you  cannot  I'll  die  before  I  say  it  hurts." 


46  The  Arizona  Limited 

With  all  the  Indians'  savagery,  degeneracy  and 
treachery,  there  is  one  trait  in  their  character  which  is 
most  admirable,  the  dominant  one,  and  one  that  it 
would  be  well  for  his  white  brother  to  emulate.  I  mean 
the  attribute  of  self-containment. 

"The  conclusions  that  I  draw  from  your  remarks, 
doctor,  are  these :  That  the  government  is  endeavoring 
to  regenerate  a  degenerate  race  by  the  means  of  educa- 
tion, and  that  the  process  as  pursued  now  is  detrimental 
to  their  health." 

The  doctor  answered  "Yes." 

"Do  you  not  think,  doctor,"  I  asked,  "that  if  all  sen- 
timentality was  eliminated — I  mean  by  that  the  idea 
of  making  a  Twentieth  Century  lady  and  gentleman 
out  of  the  Indian — and  the  children  were  raised  in  their 
homes  on  the  reservation,  and  schools  were  established 
there,  that  better  all  'round  results  could  be  obtained  ?" 

"Have  no  doubt  of  it,"  he  replied. 

On  Tuesday,  April  nineteenth,  my  objective  point 
was  Seligman,  Arizona,  a  distance  of  forty-three  miles, 
which  was  accomplished  against  a  fierce  sou'east  wind. 
At  Picacho  the  foreman  in  charge  of  a  well-drilling 
crew  inquired  if  I  could  remain  long  enough  for  the 
"Chink"  to  cook  me  a  nice  beefsteak.  What  do  you 
think  of  that? 

"Old  man,"  I  replied,  "when  the  word  steak  is  men- 
tioned this  old  horse  is  warranted  not  to  run — stands 
without  hitching — 'fetch  on  the  flannel  cakes.' ' 

Seligman  was  not  reached  until  eleven  P.  M.,  the 
last  ten  miles  having  been  walked  in  the  night. 


The  Arizona  Limited  47 

April  thirteenth  the  walk  was  through  a  country  that 
registered  over  a  hundred  degrees  in  the  shade.  The 
twentieth  the  walk  led  me  through  a  blinding  snowstorm 
into  Ashfork.  Was  it  cold?  Maybe  it  wasn't.  The 
season  was  certainly  rushed  with  a  khaki  suit  and  a 
straw  sombrero. 

April  twenty-first  I  reached  Williams  and  was  a 
guest  of  the  Grand  Canon  hotel.  The  famous  Bill  Wil- 
liams mountains  loom  up  in  close  proximity,  and  here  it 
is  that  you  take  the  branch  to  visit  the  Grand  Canon 
of  Arizona.  I  thought  it  a  pretty  big  gulch;  here  is 
what  another  lobster  thinks  of  it : 

"An  inferno  swathed  in  celestial  fires;  a  whole  cha- 
otic under- world,  just  emptied  of  primeval  floods  and 
waiting  for  a  new  creative  word;  a  boding,  terrible 
thing,  unflinchingly  real,  yet  spectral  as  a  dream,  elud- 
ing all  sense  of  perspective  or  dimension,  outstretching 
the  faculty  of  measurement,  overlapping  the  confines  of 
definite  apprehension.  The  beholder  is  at  first  unim- 
pressed by  any  detail;  he  is  overwhelmed  by  the  en- 
semble of  stupendous  panorama,  a  thousand  square 
miles  in  extent,  that  lies  wholly  beneath  the  eye  as  if 
he  stood  upon  a  mountain  peak  instead  of  the  level 
brink  of  a  fearful  chasm  in  the  plateau  whose  opposite 
shore  is  thirteen  miles  away.  A  labyrinth  of  huge  ar- 
chitectural forms,  endlessly  varied  in  design,  fretted 
with  ornamental  devices,  festooned  with  lacelike  webs 
formed  of  talus  from  the  upper  cliffs  and  painted  with 
every  color  known  to  the  palette  in  pure  transparent 
tones  of  marvelous  delicacy.  Never  was  a  picture  more 


48  The  Arizona  Limited 

harmonious,  never  flower  more  exquisitely  beautiful. 
It  flashes  instant  communication  of  all  that  architecture 
and  painting  and  music  for  a  thousand  years  have 
gropingly  striven  to  express.  It  is  the  soul  of  Michael 
Angelo  and  of  Beethoven." 

The  walk  to  Flagstaff,  thirty-four  miles,  was  simply 
fearful.  The  wind  blew  with  such  a  velocity  all  day 
long,  and  raised  such  clouds  of  sand,  that  at  times  it 
was  impossible  to  discern  objects  fifty  yards  distant. 
From  Los  Angeles  to  Williams  the  major  portion  of  the 
journey  was  walked  on  the  right  of  way  of  the  railroad 
company.  From  the  last-named  point  clear  to  Albu- 
querque the  track  was  ballasted  with  lava  cinder,  which 
is  sharp  as  broken  glass,  and  death  and  destruction  to 
shoe  leather. 

This  necessitated  my  getting  right  out  in  the  desert 
and  piking  along  in  sand  at  times  nearly  to  my  shoe- 
tops. 

I  crossed  the  Arizona  Divide  on  April  twenty-fifth 
at  Riordan,  when  I  was  more  than  seven  thousand  feet 
above  the  sea  level.  That  night  I  stepped  aside  to  let 
the  California  Limited  by,  going  west.  In  the  rear 
compartment  of  the  observatory  car  was  seen,  smoking 
and  laughing,  a  jolly  party  of  men.  A  great  wave  of 
loneliness  swept  over  the  tired  and  weary  traveller,  and 
for  the  first  time  since  leaving  San  Francisco  he  felt 
his  heart  sink  within  him  and  a  dying  of  that  enthus- 
iasm which  had  hitherto  enabled  him  to  surmount  all 
obstacles. 

On  reaching  Flagstaff,  or  "Flaggy,"  as  it  is  termed 
by  the  Indians,  I  repaired  to  the  Commercial  Hotel, 


The  Arizona  Limited  49 

where  I  was  very  nicely  received  by  the  proprietor.  If 
there  ever  was  a  fright  in  this  world  I  was  one.  The 
host  was  responsible  for  my  having  experienced  the 
most  delightful  sensation  in  the  world.  Do  you  want 
to  know  what  it  was?  All  right,  but  one  must  know 
the  conditions  precedent.  Listen,  "these  are  them :" 

One  must  have  walked  thirty  and  odd  miles  in  sand 
up  to  his  ankles — against  a  forty-mile  per  hour  wind 
which  filled  the  atmosphere  with  sand  and  alkali.  Fur- 
thermore, he  must  have  gone  twelve  hours  without  food 
—his  throat  and  mouth  must  be  so  parched  and  dry  as 
scarcely  to  be  able  to  articulate  or  swallow;  then,  and 
then  only,  is  he  prepared  to  experience  the  most  de- 
lightful sensation  in  the  world.  Washing  the  alkali 
from  one's  throat  with  a  cold  bottle  of  Budweiser.  That's 
all.  It  can't  be  beat  in  a  thousand  years. 

When  he  handed  me  the  bottle  I  clutched  it  with  both 
hands;  leaned  against  a  post  for  support;  closed  my 
eyes;  turned  the  bottle  upside  down  and  let  her  go. 
Before  the  bottle  was  half  emptied  my  sinking  heart 
resumed  its  normal  position ;  when  two-thirds  down  all 
the  old-time  enthusiasm  had  returned,  and  when  emp- 
tied to  the  last  drop  I  was  ready  to  walk  to  New  York 
and  back  again. 

Flagstaff  was  the  gateway  to  the  Grand  Canon  before 
the  line  from  Williams  was  built ;  even  now  the  journey 
can  be  made  by  stage.  The  town  is  situated  in  a  very 
rich  belt  of  timber  and  minerals.  The  Lowell  Obser- 
vatory is  situated  here,  because  of  the  pure  atmosphere 
for  which  Flagstaff  is  noted. 


50  The  Arizona  Limited 

Saturday  night  was  passed  at  Winona,  where  I,  not 
metaphorically  but  actually,  hit  up  the  feathers.  My, 
but  it  was  a  shock  to  my  system  !  As  no  permanent 
injury  resulted,  such  as  heart  failure,  brain  fever  or 
spinal  meningitis,  the  next  morning  I  was  early  on  the 
road  to  Dennison,  where  I  arrived  after  a  hard  drill  of 
thirty-one  miles. 

Found  the  operator  in  charge  a  fine  fellow — and  his 
bride  of  six  weeks  a  still  finer  one — for  she  prepared  a 
dandy  supper  of  hot  biscuits  and  apple  butter. 

At  the  Canon  Diablo  I  had  a  very  narrow  escape 
from  death. 

This  is  what  a  well-known  descriptive  writer  says 
about  the  canon : 

"It  is  one  of  those  inconsequent  things  that  Arizona 
is  fond  of  displaying.  For  many  miles  you  are  bowled 
over  a  perfectly  level  plain,  and  without  any  prepara- 
tion whatever,  save  only  to  slacken  its  pace,  the  train 
crosses  the  chasm  by  a  spider-web  bridge,  two  hundred 
and  twenty  feet  high  and  six  hundred  feet  long,  and 
then  spreads  over  the  selfsame  placid  expanse. 

"In  the  darkness  of  night  one  might  unsuspectingly 
step  off  into  its  void,  it  is  so  utterly  unlocked  for." 

Different  persons  along  the  route  had  repeatedly 
warned  me  to  be  careful  not  to  be  caught  on  the  bridge 
by  the  train.  The  station  called  Canon  Diablo  is  situ- 
ated about  a  mile  east  of  the  canon.  When  the  western 
wall  of  the  canon  was  reached  Sunday  afternoon  smoke 
was  observed  curling  heavenward.  After  a  wait  of 
possibly  ten  minutes  I  started  across,  thinking  that  it 


The  Arizona  Limited  51 

was  smoke  from  a  train  that  had  already  crossed.  Im- 
agine my  terror  when  at  the  middle  of  the  bridge  I  saw 
the  train  bearing  down  upon  me.  To  save  myself  I  had 
the  choice  either  to  swing  over  the  chasm  by  an  arm  and 
leg  or  to  run  for  it.  I  chose  the  former,  for  in  running 
a  misstep  meant  certain  death.  There  was  no  railing, 
just  a  stringer  laid  along  the  outer  edge,  and  to  it  I 
crawled,  wrapped  my  right  arm  and  right  leg  around  it, 
and,  like  a  member  of  the  fair  sex  shooting  at  a  mark, 
closed  my  eyes,  and  over  I  went,  suspending  my  body 
in  mid-air.  The  train  was  within  a  hundred  yards 
when  I  suspended  myself,  but  in  that  brief  space  of  a 
few  seconds  I  thought  of  all  kinds  of  contingencies 
that  might  happen.  "Suppose  a  lump  of  coal  should 
fall  off  the  tender  and  light  on  my  cocoanut,  or  that  the 
engine  should  squirt  hot  steam  when  opposite  me?" 
If  either  had  happened  'twould  have  been  all  over  with 
the  big  tramp.  The  vibration  was  something  terrific; 
though  I  was  sticking  to  the  stringer  like  a  sick  kitten 
to  a  hot  brick  I  thought  every  moment  my  hold  would 
be  loosened  and  I'd  be  dashed  to  the  abyss  below,  After 
the  passage  of  the  train  I  pulled  myself  over  on  the 
bridge  and  sat  there  until  I  regained  my  equanimity. 

April  twenty-sixth  I  reached  a  Mormon  settlement, 
Joseph  City,  and  ate  luncheon  consisting  of  a  can  of 
peaches  and  crackers  at  a  man's  store  who  is  the  proud 
possessor  of  three  wives  and  eighteen  children.  As  a 
rule  one  of  those  sweet  responsibilities  has  a  tendency  to 
sober  one — but  gracious  me,  how  a  man  can  be  jolly 
with  three  passes  comprehension!  He  was,  though, 


52  The  Arizona  Limited 

and  he  could  crack  a  joke  and  enjoy  one  with  the  best 
of  them.  He  was  "lucky  on  the  draw,"  I  guess. 

A  visit  was  paid  the  petrified  forests  at  Adarnanta. 
There  have  been  many  theories  advanced  as  to  the  origin 
of  these  wonderful  specimens  of  petrified  wood.  I  quote 
from  one  descriptive  writer  on  the  subject : 

"Long  ere  Noah  fell  adrift  with  the  heterogeneous 
company  of  the  ark,  or  Adam  was ;  perhaps  even  before 
the  ancestral  ape  first  stood  erect  in  the  posture  of  men 
that  were  to  be,  forests  were  growing  in  Arizona,  just 
as  in  some  parts  they  grow  to-day.  And  it  befell  in 
the  course  of  time  that  they  lay  prostrate  and  over  them 
swept  the  waters  of  an  inland  sea.  Then  the  sea  van- 
ished, the  uncouth  denizens  of  its  deeps  and  shores  be- 
came extinct,  and  craters  belched  forth  volcanic  spume 
to  spread  a  further  mantle  of  oblivion  over  the  past. 
Yet  somewhere  the  chain  of  life  remains  unbroken,  and 
as  fast  as  there  came  dust  for  worm  to  burrow  in,  mould 
for  vegetable  to  sprout  in,  and  leaf  for  insect  to  feed  on, 
life  crept  back  in  multiplying  forms,  only  to  retreat 
again  before  the  surge  of  elemental  strife  after  a  cen- 
tury or  after  a  thousand  years.  So,  to  return  to  our 
long  buried  forests,  some  ten  thousand  feet  of  rock  was 
deposited  over  it,  and  subsequently  eroded  clean  away. 
And  when  these  ancient  logs  were  uncovered,  and,  like 
so  many  Van  Winkles,  awoke — but  from  a  sleep  many 
thousand  times  longer — to  the  sight  of  a  world  that  had 
forgotten  them,  lo  !  the  sybaritic  chemistry  of  nature 
had  transformed  them  every  one  into  chalcedony,  topaz, 
onyx,  carnelian,  agate  and  amethyst." 


AN  INDIAN  MAIDEN. 


The  Arizona  Limited  53 

On  making  Pinta,  called  at  the  Henning  ranch  and 
found  the  family  gathered  round  the  festive  board.  An 
invitation  was  extended  to  me  to  join  the  gathering. 

In  discussing  the  tourists  Mrs.  Henning,  who  was  a 
highly  educated  and  cultivated  woman,  said : 

"The  average  Easterner  is  ignorant  of  the  prevailing 
conditions  in  the  West.  They  expect  everything  to  be 
'wild  and  woolly'  and  that  the  primary  function  of  the 
West  is  to  furnish  entertainment  and  delectation  for 
the  tourist. 

"Last  year  the  Presbyterian  preachers/7  she  con- 
tinued, "when  on  their  excursion  to  California,  were 
delayed  here  for  an  hour,  owing  to  a  breakdown.  On 
hearing  a  commotion  in  the  front  part  of  the  house,  and 
on  coming  from  the  kitchen  to  ascertain  the  cause  there- 
of, I  met  a  large  number  of  these  eminent  divines  march- 
ing through  the  house  sightseeing.  Did  they  knock? 
Oh,  no,  it  is  not  necessary  in  the  West.  Just  turned 
the  knob  and  walked  in. 

"Gentlemen,"  said  I,  "you  are  evidently  laboring 
under  a  misapprehension.  This  is  no  Bosco  eat-'em- 
alive  show,  but  a  private  residence.  Will  you  be  so 
kind  as  to  withdraw  ?" 

On  leaving  Pinta  I  was  joined  by  a  Swede  who  was 
'boing  it  to  Albuquerque.  He  asked  if  there  was  any 
objection  to  his  accompanying  me,  and  I  told  him  no, 
provided  he  could  keep  apace  with  me.  Every  few 
steps  he  would  flinch,  and  upon  enquiring  the  cause  the 
poor  fellow  displayed  a  hole  in  the  bottom  of  each  of 
his  shoes  about  the  size  of  a  half-dollar.  Several  pieces 


4. 


54  The  Arizona  Limited 

of  soleleather  were  produced  from  my  knapsack  which 
he  trimmed  and  carefully  placed  over  them. 

I  unconsciously  swung  into  that  long  stride  which 
rarely  nets  me  less  than  three  and  a  half  miles  per  hour. 
The  Swede  was  scarcely  five  feet  in  height,  and  being 
further  handicapped  with  wornout  shoes,  was  with  great 
difficulty  keeping  up  with  me.  As  we  passed  the  section 
house  at  Navaho,  the  boss,  who  evidently  had  been  ob- 
serving us  coming  down  the  track  for  some  time,  said, 
addressing  the  Swede: 

"Hey,  there,  partner,  if  you  try  to  keep  up  with  that 
slim-jam  you'll  be  out  of  all  your  clothes  before  night." 

I  was  very  glad  he  made  the  remark,  for  my  day's 
companion  was  being  treated  very  ungenerously.  He 
was  taking  two  steps  to  my  one  and  the  sweat  was  rolling 
down  his  face  in  streams ;  he  carried  his  hat  in  one  hand 
and  coat  in  the  other. 

At  Chambers,  which  consists  of  a  section-house  and 
quarters  for  the  Mexican  laborers,  we  rested  for  a  while 
and  had  our  luncheon — which,  by  the  way,  was  exceed- 
ingly light  for  two  hungry  men — only  a  few  crackers. 
Simultaneously  there  came  from  opposite  directions  two 
persons.  One,  a  young  Mexican — they  are  a  very  cu- 
rious people — and  the  other,  a  ISTavajo  squaw,  walking 
in  her  bare  feet  and  carrying  her  baggage  in  a  shawl 
which  was  hanging  down  her  back  and  supported  by  her 
head. 

The  squaw,  speaking  in  the  E"avajo  dialect,  addressed 
a  remark  to  the  Mexican,  Swede  and  American.  The 
Mexican  undertook  to  explain  in  Spanish  to  the  Swede 


The  Arizona  Limited  55 

and  American,  what  the  Navajo  wanted.  Then  the 
Swede  "butted  in"  in  Swedish  to  ascertain  what  the 
Mexican  and  ISTavajo  were  talking  about,  in  order  to 
enlighten  the  American.  And  the  American?  Well, 
he  told  all  three,  in  plain,  good  old  English,  to  go  to 
the  devil. 

Every  one  talking  at  the  same  time,  and  all  in  a  differ- 
ent lingo.  It  is  not  necessary  to  go  back  to  the  Tower 
of  Babel  for  the  confusion  of  tongues;  you  can  get  it 
any  day  in  the  week  right  in  Arizona. 

At  Houcks,  where  the  night  was  passed,  I  found  the 
agent  in  bed  with  lumbago,  and  incapacitated.  I  re- 
paired to  the  kitchen  and  cooked  supper.  Gave  my 
friend,  the  Swede,  two  immense  sandwiches  and  some 
coffee,  and  we  both  crawled  in  behind  the  boiler  where, 
to  say  the  least,  we  didn't  suffer  with  the  cold. 

San  Francisco,  1,173  miles — 2,537  miles  New  York. 


56  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTEE  VII. 

THE  WALKER  ACTS  THE   GOOD  SHEPHERD. 

Gallup — The  Feeding  of  a  Hungry  Multitude — Fort  Wingate — 
Attacked  by  an  Indian's  Dog — Laguna — A  Fast  Walk  to  Rio 
Puerco — 'Twas  the  Woman  Who  Did  It — "It  Never  Rains 
But  it  Pours" — A  Meeting  With  "Chicago"  at  Albuquerque- 
Los  Cerrillos — Tim — The  Arizona  Limited  Express — The  As- 
sets— How  the  Prairie  Schooner  and  Harness  Were  Made — 
Carrie  Nation  and  Mark  Twain. 

In  the  forenoon  of  April  twenty-ninth  a  little  angora 
kid,  possibly  a  week  old,  was  seen  standing  on  the  track 
bleating  most  plaintively  for  his  mamma.  The  mother 
while  feeding  had  evidently  secreted  her  youthful  son 
under  the  friendly  shade  of  a  cactus  plant,  with  instruc- 
tions to  await  her  return ;  the  shepherd  ran  mamma  off 
without  counting  the  youngsters;  the  pangs  of  hunger 
got  the  better  of  Willie,  and  so  he  was  found  making  a 
reconnoissance  of  the  situation.  The  coyotes  would 
have  picked  him  up  when  it  became  dark. 

As  little  Willie  had  never  seen  a  long-distance  walker 
in  full  regalia  before,  he  turned  tail  and  ran  (who  can 
blame  him  ?)  as  fast  as  his  poor  weak  legs  could  carry 
him,  but  was  captured  after  a  short  chase.  The  best  the 
walker  could  do  for  little  Willie  was  to  offer  him  his 
thumb  to  suck. 

The  pedestrian  incumbered  with  a  goat?  Huh  ! 
After  carrying  the  youngster  for  three  miles,  a  flock  of 
goats  was  seen  feeding  at  some  distance  from  the  track 


The  Arizona  Limited  57 

and  Billy  was  carried  over  and  turned  loose  midst  the 
flock.  The  walker  paused  in  his  mad  career  across  the 
continent  to  watch  his  protege's  next  move,  and  was 
amply  repaid.  The  perseverance  shown  by  that  young 
William  goat  in  grafting  a  good  square  meal  was  most 
creditable.  The  kid  no  sooner  touched  the  ground,  than 
boldly  and  without  a  moment's  hesitation  he  made  his 
play  for  dinner.  His  every  action  expressed  the  follow- 
ing sentiment :  "There's  a  good  dinner  in  this  flock  of 
goats  for  a  rustler,  if  he  is  a  stranger,  and  I'm  going  to 
get  it  or  know  the  reason  why." 

The  first  Nanny  he  tackled,  when  the  discovery  was 
made  that  her  own  offspring  was  being  robbed,  turned 
and  viciously  butted  him  over.  The  youthful  ram,  how- 
ever, arose  and  with  a  bleat  and  a  shake  of  his  head  made 
for  the  next.  After  experiencing  almost  as  many  fail- 
ures as  did  Kobert  Bruce  before  his  kingdom  was  attain- 
ed, he  finally  came  to  an  old  Nanny  that  took  compas- 
sion on  the  motherless  waif. 

Has  it  ever  been  your  good  fortune  to  see  a  young 
goat  going  after  his  dinner?  The  walker  had  never 
witnessed  any  action  so  eloquently  expressive  of  genuine 
satisfaction  and  contentment  as  was  manifested  by  the 
shakes  of  little  Willie's  tail  while  engaged  in  that  most 
delightful  of  occupations. 

Made  Gallup,  or  "Gallupy,"  as  it  is  termed  by  the 
Indians,  late  in  the  evening  of  the  twenty-ninth;  too 
late  to  obtain  supper.  The  next  morning  the  manager 
of  Fred  Harvey's  said  he'd  be  delighted  to  give  me  a 
meal  after  he  had  fed  three  trainloads  of  Methodists  en 
route  to  California. 


58  The  Arizona  Limited 

A  swell  chance,  well  I  guess,  yes,  when  I  saw  them 
alight  from  the  cars.  You  know  what  the  brethren  and 
sisters  can  do  to  fried  chicken,  et  cetera,  under  ordinary 
circumstances.  This  occasion  was  an  extraordinary  one, 
for  the  trains  had  been  delayed  and  the  contingent 
hadn't  had  a  morsel  for  ten  hours. 

To  alleviate  my  feeling  about  the  matter,  I  pulled 
the  long  dirk  out  of  my  leggings  as  the  brethren  and 
sisters  were  leaving  the  dining-room  to  make  way  for 
the  next  train,  and  with  a  fierce  expression  on  my  no- 
wise handsome  physiognomy,  commenced  whetting  it  on 
my  shoe,  now  and  then  feeling  the  edge  with  my  thumb. 
Furtive  glances  were  mine  in  abundance  as  they  sidled 
by,  and  I  heard  one  sister  say: 

"Just  look  at  that  wild  cowboy ;  isn't  he  picturesque  ? 
He's  whetting  his  knife,  too — and  that  savage  expres- 
sion— I  just  know  he's  going  to  do  something  horribly 
wicked.  Murder  some  one  with  that  terrible  knife, 
probably.  Oh,  Doctor,"  she  continued,  turning  to  an 
eminent  divine  in  close  proximity,  "won't  you  please 
go  and  remonstrate  with  that  benighted  creature?" 

The  Doctor  came,  and  from  him  and  the  aggregation 
that  followed  him  the  "benighted  creature"  got  a  dollar 
and  a  half  of  good  United  States. 

In  fact,  the  old  fellow  became  so  interested  in  some 
of  my  stories  that  he  lost  his  train  (which  was  the  first 
section),  and  had  to  take  the  second.  He  made  a  game 
run  for  it  (or  pretended  he  did).  I  believe  he  wanted 
to  shake  his  good  dame  for  a  brief  space,  anyway.  Too 
late  !  The  train  disappeared  in  the  distance,  with  his 


The  Arizona  Limited  59 

wife  waving  and  signaling  frantically  to  him.  I'll 
wager,  from  her  gesticulations,  that  she  wasn't  singing, 
"Here  we  go  around  the  bend,  good-bye,  my  lover,  good- 
bye." 

In  taking  a  short  cut  across  the  desert  to  Fort  Win- 
gate,  an  army  post,  I  lost  my  way,  and  for  more  than  an 
hour  wandered  about  trying  to  regain  it.  When,  how- 
ever, I  had  abandoned  hope  of  finding  the  fort,  and 
was  endeavoring  to  locate  the  railroad  track  again,  I 
accidentally  struck  the  trail  which  led  me  to  the  fort. 

There  I  remained  as  the  guest  of  an  army  officer  until 
the  morning  of  April  30th,  when  I  left  for  Thoreau. 
When  several  miles  east  of  Gaum,  came  upon  an  Indian 
and  his  boy  harnessing  their  team  of  bronchos,  prepara- 
tory to  breaking  camp.  Imagine  my  surprise  when 
within  fifty  yards  of  the  wagon  I  saw  a  vicious-looking 
brute  of  a  dog  leap  from  under  it  and  make  for  me  on 
a  dead  run.  He  meant  business,  too.  But  "lor  chile !" 
I  had  become  so  accustomed  to  dogs  on  this  journey  that 
unless  he  was  at  least  the  size  of  a  yearling  calf  he  held 
out  no  terrors. 

Fortunately  he  was  caught  just  right  on  the  point  of 
the  jaw,  with  an  uppercut  delivered  with  my  boot.  I 
thought  that  dog  never  was  going  to  stop  turning  somer- 
saults backwards. 

When  he  did  finally  land,  however,  he  tucked  his  tail 
between  his  legs  and  scooted.  Guess  he's  running  yet ; 
at  any  rate  he  was  when  last  seen.  The  strange  part  of 
it  was  that  neither  of  the  Indians  made  the  slightest  at- 
tempt to  arrest  the  brute  when  he  was  running  towards 


60  The  Arizona  Limited 

me,  but  when  they  saw  Fido  describing  a  series  of  hy- 
perbolical paraboloids  they  both  laughed  very  heartily. 

In  Thoreau  there  were  quite  a  number  of  Navajo 
Indians  gathered  at  the  store,  and  among  them  was  one 
of  the  most  expert  silversmiths  of  the  tribe.  While 
there  he  turned  in  a  dozen  souvenir  silver  spoons,  ham- 
mered from  Mexican  silver  dollars. 

The  merchant  told  me  that  all  the  silversmiths  of  the 
tribe  belong  to  one  family.  The  smith  then  ordered 
two  cans  of  cherries  and  a  bag  of  ginger  cakes,  and  he, 
his  squaw  and  an  invited  guest,  a  young  buck,  all  squat- 
ted on  the  floor  for  the  feast.  The  men  were  each 
armed  with  a  spoon  with  which  they  fished  out  the 
cherries.  Did  the  squaw  have  a  spoon  ? 

]STay,  nay;  there's  nothing  like  that  in  the  Indian's 
family. 

She  sat  by  her  lord  and  master  waiting  patiently  for 
the  Great  Spirit  to  move  a  cherry  her  way,  which  wasn't 
very  often. 

That  night  I  slept  in  the  store  on  a  couch  constructed 
of  those  Navajo  blankets  which  this  tribe  of  Indians  are 
so  skilful  in  weaving. 

On  May  first,  in  the  walk  to  Grants,  New  Mexico,  I 
crossed  the  Continental  Divide,  which  is  something  like 
seven  thousand  feet  above  the  sea  level.  The  following 
day  made  Laguna,  where  one  of  the  largest  and  most 
interesting  of  the  pueblos  is  situated. 

Left  Laguna  May  fourth  in  fine  spirits,  intending  to 
pass  the  night  at  Rio  Puerco.  Early  in  the  day  the 
fickle  goddess  called  "Luck"  played  me  false ;  the  oper- 


The  Arizona  Limited  61 

ator  with  whom  I  intended  lunching  was  in  Albuquer- 
que. Nothing  was  dreamed  of  but  a  hearty  reception 
from  the  agent  at  Rio  Puerco,  for  I  carried  a  letter  of 
introduction  from  a  friend  of  his.  However,  as  I  neared 
the  station,  having  completed,  as  I  thought,  the  fastest 
day's  walk  of  the  journey,  thirty- two  miles  in  eight 
hours,  a  "greaser"  was  observed  sitting  on  a  hand-car. 

"Where  are  you  going?"  he  asked  in  fairly  good 
English. 

"I'm  on  a  walk  from  San  Francisco  to  New  York 
City,"  was  the  reply. 

"Keep  moving,  then,"  was  his  rejoinder. 

"I  don't  want  to  walk  the  entire  distance  in  one  day, 
partner ;  I  intend  to  spend  the  night  here  and  continue 
to-morrow." 

"You  can't  stop  here  to-night,"  he  said,  "for  I  have 
strict  orders  to  keep  every  one  moving  on  the  right  of 
way." 

I  then  went  to  the  agent  with  my  letter  of  introduc- 
tion from  his  friend,  and  would  have  fixed  matters  all 
right  had  not  his  wife,  with  several  dirty  brats  at  her 
heels  and  one  in  her  arms,  "butted  in." 

"No,"  she  snapped,  "you  cannot  stop  here.  Why 
don't  you  work  for  your  living  like  decent  people  ?" 

Saw  that  her  case  called  for  heroic  treatment. 

"Madam,"  said  I,  "I  don't  ask  for  anything  to  eat, 
although  thirty-two  miles  have  been  covered  since  break- 
fast, but  I  do  ask  that  you  allow  me  to  remain  in  the 
station  until  morning.  It  is  eleven  miles  to  Sandia 
and  I'm  tired  and  hungry  and  in  no  condition  to  cover 
the  distance  in  darkness. 


62  The  Arizona  Limited 

"The  Creator,  madam,"  I  continued,  "hath  made  the 
world  and  the  people  thereon,  and  He  in  his  wisdom, 
to  avoid  monotony,  constituted  men  differently.  We 
have  the  rich  and  the  poor,  the  wise  and  the  foolish ;  the 
fools  are  subdivided  into  harmless  fools,  vicious  fools, 
and  darned  fools,  and  I  am  unfortunately  lined  up  with 
the  last. 

"Who  knows,  madam,"  with  a  dramatic  gesture,  "but 
that  the  very  babe  nestling  at  your  bosom  may  be,  in 
the  future,  in  need  of  shelter  and  food  ?  Who  knows 
but  that  he  may  be  a  wanderer  over  this  very  desert, 
tired,  hungry  and — ". 

"He  ain't  going  to  be  no  bum,  so  there  !"  she  retorted. 

The  spiteful  old  cat  jumped  out  of  the  office  as  sud- 
denly as  she  had  popped  in. 

The  two  deputy  sheriffs,  after  the  disastrous  ending 
of  my  peroration,  escorted  me  to  the  bridge  and  said 
"hike  1" 

Ere  two  miles  had  been  covered  it  became  pitch  dark. 
The  section  men  had  been  aligning  the  track  and  had 
stakes  driven  on  each  side  and  in  the  center  of  it,  which 
stood  sufficiently  high  for  me  to  dash  my  feet  against 
them.  When  the  next  siding  was  reached  I  decided  to 
await  the  rising  of  the  moon  at  twelve  o'clock.  To  add 
to  my  discomfort  the  canteen  was  empty  and  I  was 
nearly  famished  for  water.  Owing  to  the  trouble  at 
the  station  I  had  forgotten  to  refill  it.  My  leggings 
and  shoes  were  removed,  and  with  the  knapsack  on  the, 
ground  for  a  pillow,  I  endeavored  to  cover  a  six-foot 
carcass  with  a  four-foot  mackintosh.  Was  awakened 


FAC-SIMILP:S  EN  ROUTP:. 


The  Arizona  Limited  63 

by  a  Santa  Fe  freight  pulling  in  on  the  siding.  I  knew 
it  was  then  twelve,  for  there  was  a  big  moon  rising  ap- 
parently out  of  the  desert.  Was  so  cold  that  it  was 
impossible  for  me  to  lace  the  shoes  and  leggings.  I 
climbed  into  the  engine  and  took  a  good  long  pull  of 
ice  water,  sucked  through  a  glass  tube  from  a  keg,  and 
then  related  to  the  engineer  the  adventure  at  Rio  Puerco. 

"Pretty  tough,  old  man,"  he  said,  "we'll  take  you  into 
Albuquerque  if  you  care  to  ride." 

I  did  not  for  two  good  reasons.  Primarily,  I  started 
to  walk  to  New  York,  and  riding  would  not  be  walking. 

Then,  again,  since  leaving  Los  Angeles,  I  had  kept 
a  daily  stamped  record,  signed  by  the  agent  at  each  sta- 
tion on  the  Santa  Fe,  certifying  that  he  saw  me  walk 
into  and  from  his  station.  Any  one  following  the  re- 
cord closely  would  detect  the  flaw  in  the  record — sixty- 
six  miles  being  an  almost  impossible  day's  walk  in  the 
desert. 

After  the  Limited  passed  the  journey  was  continued 
to  Sandia,  which -was  reached  in  the  early  morning.  At 
eight  A.  M.  the  pedestrian  was  aroused  by  a  "rapping, 
a  gentle  tapping  at  my  chamber  (a  box-car)  door."  A 
member  of  a  well-drilling  crew  did  the  rapping.  I  re- 
paired to  the  cook-car  where  a  good  meal  was  disposed 
of,  and  it  tasted  mighty  good,  for  I  hadn't  eaten  a  morsel 
for  twenty-six  hours. 

On  the  afternoon  of  May  fifth,  walked  into  Albu- 
querque, and  one  of  the  first  people  I  laid  eyes  on  was 
"Chicago",  the  boy  who  attended  the  bargain  sale  in 
Los  Angeles.  He  had  received  a  postal  dated  April 


64  The  Arizona  Limited 

twenty-second  from  Flagstaff,  which  told  him  I  was  up 
with  my  schedule.  He  had  stopped  off  that  morning, 
on  his  way  to  the  "Windy  City,"  expressly  to  see  me. 

Called  at  the  office  of  the  Albuquerque  Morning  Jour- 
nal and  quote  in  part  from  their  write-up : 

"Michael  Garber  Harman,  who  is  on  his  way  across 
the  continent  from  San  Francisco  to  New  York  on  foot, 
is  in  the  city  and  will  remain  for  a  few  days. 

"He  made  the  trip  to  this  point  from  Los  Angeles 
in  thirty-four  days,  which  is  a  most  remarkable  feat  of 
pedestrianism  when  one  considers  that  he  is  a  tall, 
slightly-built  Virginian  who  has  previously  confined 
himself  to  the  practice  of  law  and  newspaper  work." 

Called  upon  the  superintendent  of  the  Albuquerque 
division  of  the  Santa  Fe. 

"Mr.  Harman,"  he  said,  "I  want  to  congratulate  you 
on  reaching  Albuquerque  in  safety.  I  expected  every 
day  to  hear  of  your  being  knocked  on  the  head  and 
killed.  The  whole  road  is  lined  with  desperate  charac- 
ters, owing  to  the  recent  strike  troubles." 

"You  don't  mean  to  say,  Mr.  Shepherd,  that  you 
knew  where  I  was  each  day  of  the  journey  ?"  I  replied. 

"Most  assuredly.  Every  agent  was  instructed  to  re- 
port to  me  not  only  your  arrival,  but  also  your  depar- 
ture. A  railroad  superintendent  should  keep  posted 
about  every  one  on  the  right  of  way." 

My  idea  was  to  get  a  letter  from  him  which  would 
insure  me  a  more  cordial  reception  from  the  deputy 
sheriffs  than  that  received  at  Rio  Puerco.  However, 
he  declined,  giving  as  his  reason  that  neither  he  per- 


The  Arizona  Limited  65 

sonally  nor  the  road  cared  to  encourage  a  journey 
fraught  with  so  many  dangers. 

During  my  stay  in  Albuquerque  I  was  the  guest  of 
the  Alvarado  hotel,  which  is  by  far  the  most  impressive 
structure  in  the  city.  The  building  is  three  hundred 
feet  long,  and  of  the  Spanish  Mission  style  of  architec- 
ture. In  the  curio  room  is  to  be  seen  the  finest  collec- 
tion of  Indian  relics  and  products  in  the  West. 

May  ninth,  when  walking  into  Los  Cerrillos,  ~N.  M., 
I  was  greeted  by  a  man  that  I  had  formerly  met  in 
Azusa,  Cal.  Tim  and  I  held  a  conference  with  the  fol- 
lowing results: 

"That  an  outfit,  to  be  known  as  the  Arizona  Limited 
Express,  be  organized ;  the  same  to  be  taken  through  to 
the  World's  Fair,  and  from  thence  to  New  York;  that 
only  jackasses  be  connected  with  the  said  Arizona  Lim- 
ited Express  in  any  capacity;  that  Tim  attend  to  the 
mechanical  engineering  department ;  and  the  pedestrian 
assume  the  onerous  responsibilities  of  conductor,  grafter, 
and  'chief  cook  and  bottle  washer.' ' 

The  assets  of  the  Arizona  Limited  consisted  of  one 
dollar  and  twenty-three  cents  and  a  few  carpenter's 
tools  owned  by  the  aforesaid  Tim.  ~No  better  place 
could  have  been  found  to  fit  out  an  expedition  of  this 
kind.  Los  Cerrillos  was  once  a  very  prosperous  town, 
the  center  of  an  active  mining  district,  but  owing  to  a 
strike,  which  had  extended  over  a  period  of  several 
years,  it  was  almost  deserted.  Junk  of  every  descrip- 
tion was  scattered  over  the  town. 

In  a  reconnoissance  I  found  a  fairly  good  pair  of 
wheels  on  an  axle,  the  remains  of  a  spring  wagon.  They 


66  The  Arizona  Limited 

were  appropriated  to  form  the  nucleus.  Then  the  pole 
was  dug  up,  trimmed  and  fitted  to  the  axle.  We  made 
a  good  set  of  whiffletrees  from  shovel  handles  which  we 
wired  together  and  to  the  axle.  Goods  boxes  furnished 
ample  material  for  the  cart's  body. 

The  next  thing,  and  a  very  important  one,  was  the 
motive  power  for  the  prairie  schooner.  A  man  gave 
me  a  spotted  burro  (called  pinta  in  New  Mexico)  pro- 
vided he  could  be  found. 

We  searched  very  diligently  for  our  burro  over  the 
adjoining  hills  for  several  hours,  but  the  pinta  must 
have  received  a  Marconi,  for  it  was  entirely  in  vain. 
However  a  local  physician  swapped  us  a  brown  jinny 
for  two  carpenters'  planes,  and  a  saw  was  traded  a  Mex- 
ican for  a  mouse-colored  burro.  We  were  next  stared 
in  the  face  with  the  harness  proposition.  A  large  roll 
of  old  rubber  belting  was  discovered  at  the  mill,  from 
which,  with  the  aid  of  straps,  buckles,  et  cetera,  picked 
up  here  and  there,  two  sets  of  breast-strap  harness  were 
made,  which  we  padded  with  sheepskin.  The  bits  of  the 
bridles  were  of  twisted  wire;  the  blinds,  of  the  uppers 
of  old  shoes;  and  clothesline  rope  served  us  for  checks. 

From  her  contrary  disposition  and  because  her  smash- 
ing propensities  were  so  beautifully  developed,  the 
brown  jinny  was  dubbed  Carrie  Nation;  the  mouse-col- 
ored jack  received  the  appellation  Mark  Twain,  named 
for  a  particular  friend  of  mine. 

San  Francisco,  1,422  miles — 2,288  miles  New  York. 


The  Arizona  Limited  67 

CHAPTEE  VIII. 

THE  DEPARTURE  FROM  LOS  CERRILLOS. 

Apache  Canon  in  the  Glorieta  Mountains — Stranded  in  the  Desert 
at  Blanchard — The  Triangular  Express — Surprised  in  An- 
other Quarter  by  Carrie  and  Mark — Las  Vegas — Teddy 
Roosevelt  Joins  the  Limited — The  Camp  at  the  "Lake" — A 
Visitation  From  the  Stork — Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts 
— The  Plot  Thickens — Grover  Cleveland  and  Joan  of  Arc 
Added  to  the  Cast. 

A  goodly  portion  of  the  town's  inhabitants  congre- 
gated to  see  us  make  the  start,  and  kindly  remembered 
to  bring  some  useful  articles  along.  For  sometime  we 
were  kept  busy  storing  away  knives,  forks,  a  pan,  kettle, 
meat,  coffee,  sugar  and  various  other  necessities.  One 
of  the  residents  had  a  hotel  that  wasn't  working,  and 
his  donation  was  two  army  blankets  and  a  quilt.  One 
young  man  brought  a  star-spangled  banner.  With  the 
same  floating  to  the  breeze,  and  amid  the  cheers  and 
best  wishes  of  those  kind,  hospitable  westerners,  the 
prairie  schooner  weighed  anchor  and  sailed  out  of  the 
harbor  of  Cerrillos  on  its  long  and  adventurous  cruise 
to  New  York  City. 

In  the  afternoon  of  May  13th  we  traveled  in  the 
Glorieta  mountains  and  words  are  inadequate  to  ex- 
press the  wretchedness  of  the  road.  It  was  fearfully 
rocky  and  some  of  the  ascents  were  almost  perpendicu- 
lar, requiring  the  combined  efforts  of  all  the  members 
of  the  Limited  to  get  the  schooner  to  the  top.  The 


68  The  Arizona  Limited 

camp  was  made  in  Apache  canon,  a  beautiful  spot  near 
a  well,  where  we  had  an  abundance  of  firewood  and 
good  water. 

During  the  night  we  were  surrounded  by  a  pack  of 
coyotes  which  rendered  the  night  hideous  with  their 
infernal  cries.  They  were  very  bold,  and  on  several 
occasions  came  within  ten  feet  of  our  bed. 

We  passed  Pecos,  four  miles  from  which  are  situ- 
ated the  ruins  of  the  ancient  Aztec  city  where  Monte- 
zuma  is  said  to  have  been  born.  Sunday  afternoon, 
May  fifteenth,  we  came  to  a  small  town  called  Ribera, 
situated  in  a  fertile  valley. 

We  filled  our  water  vessels,  as  we  contemplated  camp- 
ing at  Blanchard  where  there  was  no  water.  It  was 
only  a  side-track  for  the  Sante  Fe.  The  camp  was 
pitched  in  a  cluster  of  scrub  pines  (a  cheerful  one  it 
was)  with  a  big  blazing  camp  fire  and  Tim  and  me 
lolling  around  on  the  blankets;  we  smoked  our  pipes 
and  dreamed  dreams  of  the  future,  with  no  premoni- 
tion of  the  catastrophe  that  was  hovering  over  us. 

The  next  morning,  while  I  was  cooking  breakfast, 
Tim  came  rushing  into  camp  bearing  the  fearful  tid- 
ings that: 

AT  TEE  DEAD  HOUR  OF  NIGHT  AND  UN- 
DER THE  COVER  OF  DARKNESS  CARRIE 
NATION  HAD  ELOPED  WITH  MARK  TWAIN!  ! 

We  were  in  quite  a  predicament;  camped  six  miles 
from  water,  very  little  food  on  hand  and  with  less  than 
a  dollar  in  the  exchequer,  and  our  motive  power  gone 
off  on  a  lark.  Both  Tim  and  I  were  of  the  opinion 


The  Arizona  Limited  69 

that  Mark  Twain  would  never  have  dreamt  of  leaving 
his  kind  masters  had  he  not  been  seduced  by  Carrie 
Nation.  Tim  started  for  Ribera,  thinking  that  they 
had  probably  taken  the  back  track  to  water,  while  I 
scoured  the  adjoining  woods  in  search  of  the  recreants. 
My  search  was  in  vain,  and  upon  returning  to  camp  I 
observed  the  westbound  California  Limited  pull 
into  the  siding  to  let  the  eastbound  pass.  Three 
gentlemen  and  a  lady,  who  were  standing  on  the  plat- 
form of  the  observatory  car,  were  astonished  to  see  a 
tall  apparition  in  an  outlandish  costume  emerge  from 
a  cluster  of  pines,  carrying  a  tin  pail  in  one  hand  and 
a  coffee  pot  in  the  other,  and  charge  the  train  on  a 
dead  run.  However  a  few  words  sufficed  to  explain  to 
the  California  Limited  the  unlucky  situation  of  the 
Arizona  Limited.  One  of  the  gentlemen  had  the  porter 
fill  both  vessels  with  fresh  water.  Then  the  said  ap- 
parition produced  several  souvenirs,  which  he  disposed 
of  for  two  bits  each. 

Tim  returned  to  camp  late  in  the  afternoon  with  no 
tidings  of  the  straying  burros.  The  country  was  in- 
habited by  Mexicans  whose  reply  to  every  inquiry  was, 
"no  savvy."  This  made  the  search  doubly  hard.  Not 
until  noon  the  next  day  were  Carrie  and  Mark  found, 
grazing  on  the  banks  of  the  river  nine  miles  from  camp. 

When  preparing  to  break  camp  at  Blanchard  a 
strange  cavalcade  arrived  there.  In  the  van  was  a  cov- 
ered wagon  driven  by  a  woman,  and  to  it  was  hooked 
an  aged  pair  of  white  mules;  strung  out  behind  the 
wagon  for  a  hundred  yards  were  fourteen  specimens  of 


5. 


70  The  Arizona  Limited 

horseflesh — the  poorest  I  ever  saw.  A  man  and  woman 
on  horseback  formed  the  rear  guard.  The  man  said : 

"My  wife,  sister-in-law  and  myself  have  been  on  the 
road  for  two  years.  When  Henry  county,  Missouri,  is 
reached  this  summer  our  travels  will  have  constituted 
a  complete  triangle,  the  three  sides  of  which,  from  Mis- 
souri to  Seattle — from  the  latter  point  to  Los  Angeles 
— and  from  the  last-named  city  to  Missouri,  equal  an 
aggregate  of  more  than  six  thousand  miles." 

"I  .trade  horses,"  he  continued,  "and  my  wife  and 
sister-in-law  make  wire  jewelry  which  they  dispose  of 
in  the  small  towns  en  route" 

We  very  gladly  abandoned  Blanchard  to  the  Trian- 
gular Express,  pushed  on  to  within  eight  miles  of  Las 
Vegas,  and  camped  near  the  Mexican  settlement  called 
Ticolote.  Before  retiring  to  the  luxurious  couch  of 
pine  boughs,  I  carefully  set  the  breakfast  under  a 
nearby  pine  tree.  At  daybreak  my  slumbers  were  dis- 
turbed by  a  noise  in  close  proximity,  and  on  peeping 
over  the  blanket  what  do  you  suppose  was  the  tableau 
presented  to  view  ?  Mark  Twain  was  playing  roly-poly 
with  a  can  of  syrup  in  his  endeavor  to  master  the 
combination  to  the  top ;  Carrie  Nation,  the  old  bat,  was 
standing  with  both  front  feet  on  my  sombrero  and  chew- 
ing the  dish  rag.  They  had  eaten  the  oatmeal,  box  and 
all,  the  loaf  of  bread,  mouthed  the  meat,  and  turned 
over  the  coffee  pot.  The  consequences  were  that  the 
trip  into  Las  Vegas  was  made  on  empty  stomachs,  but 
the  conductor  and  engineer  found  consolation  in  an 
excellent  meal  upon  their  arrival. 


The  Arizona  Limited  71 

A  liveryman  kindly  took  care  of  the  team  for  us 
during  our  stay,  and  we  occupied  the  hay-mow.  In  the 
evening  we  ate  dinner  at  the  Plaza,  and  the  following 
morning  lined  up  at  the  festive  board  of  the  Castaneda. 
The  breakfast  was  a  dandy.  For  mortals  following  the 
ordinary  vocations  of  life  to  have  consumed  the  food 
would  have  been  an  impossibility.  The  menu  consisted 
of  oatmeal  and  cream,  cornbeef  hash  and  two  poached 
eggs,  a  sirloin  steak,  frog  legs  on  toast,  buckwheat  cakes, 
and  a  pot  of  coffee. 

Tim,  against  the  advice  of  every  one  consulted,  traded 
our  wheels  for  a  lighter  set ;  I  was  at  the  time  skeptical 
about  their  being  able  to  stand  the  wear  and  tear  of  the 
rough  western  roads. 

The  Limited  reached  Watrus,  ~N.  M.,  May  twentieth, 
and  you  can  imagine  our  surprise  at  finding  the  Trian- 
gular Express  encamped  at  the  stream  just  east  of  the 
town.  We  had  intended  stopping  only  for  luncheon,  but 
six  burros  were  seen  grazing  along  the  east  bank  of  the 
stream. 

"Tim,"  said  I,  "don't  you  think  that  handsome  drab- 
colored  burro  would  make  a  good  leader  for  Carrie  and 
Mark?" 

"Splendid,"  was  the  reply. 

Grabbing  a  rope  and  followed  by  Tim  and  the  boss 
of  the  Triangular,  who  assisted  me  in  cornering  the 
bunch,  I  succeeded  in  lassoing  the  jack.  Then  the  fun 
began.  He  was  a  magnificent  specimen  of  the  burro 
about  three  years  old,  and  evidently  had  never  been 
handled  before.  'Kound  and  'round  he  went  kicking 


72  The  Arizona  Limited 

up  his  heels  and  braying,  with  Tim  and  me  both  swing- 
ing on  for  dear  life.  Finally  we  managed  to  get  him 
to  a  tree  where  he  was  tied  securely.  He  was  such  a 
strenuous  bit  of  mule  flesh  that  he  was  named  Teddy 
Roosevelt.  The  remainder  of  the  day  was  spent  in 
manufacturing  for  the  latest  acquisition  a  new  set  of 
harness.  During  the  afternoon  two  boys  visited  the 
camp  and  one  of  them  claimed  Teddy  as  his  property, 
alleging  that  he  was  a  present  to  him  from  his  uncle  but 
as  the  burro  was  so  wild  he  had  turned  him  loose  in 
the  desert. 

Everyone  was  very  busy  all  the  afternoon.  Goheim 
had  traded  four  of  his  old  plugs  for  a  sorrel  stallion 
that  had  never  had  a  strap  on  him,  and  he  was  engaged 
in  making  a  contrivance  with  which  to  tether  him ;  Tim 
worked  all  the  afternoon  on  Teddy's  harness ;  the  ladies 
were  making  wire  jewelry;  and  I  was  making  goo-goo 
eyes  at  the  sister-in-law. 

We  attempted  a  short  cut  to  Raton  which  resulted 
very  disastrously.  After  wandering  over  the  plains  of 
New  Mexico  for  the  greater  part  of  three  days  we 
arrived  much  to  our  chagrin  in  Wagon  Mound,  the 
point  we  intended  avoiding.  We  had  driven  forty 
miles  to  accomplish  twenty-five,  the  distance  by  the 
regular  trail.  The  journey,  however,  was  not  without 
incidents,  some  of  them  anything  but  pleasant.  Satur- 
day, May  twenty-first,  the  Limited,  broke  camp  and 
started  for  Springer,  via  Old  Fort  Union,  an  abandoned 
army  post,  where  we  arrived  at  noon. 

Soon  after  leaving  the  fort  our  troubles  began; 
every  few  miles  the  road  would  fork  and  it  was  an 


The  Arizona  Limited  73 

impossibility  for  a  stranger  to  determine  the  correct 
route;  we  could  only  guess  and  as  luck  would  have  it, 
in  one  instance  we  guessed  wrong.  After  travelling 
several  miles  on  the  wrong  trail  a  native  directed  us  to 
the  lake  where  we  were  to  camp.  I  hurried  on  ahead  of 
the  schooner,  for  an  electric  storm  was  brewing;  some- 
thing unusual  for  New  Mexico.  Made  the  "beautiful 
lake"  just  as  the  shades  of  night  were  falling,  and  was 
disgusted  to  find  a  muddy,  stagnant  pool  of  water,  with 
a  dead  cow  standing  in  the  middle  of  it.  The  poor 
brute  had  evidently  stuck  in  the  mud  when  she  went  in 
to  drink,  and  being  unable  to  extricate  herself  had  died 
in  her  tracks.  As  the  brink  was  reached  a  flock  of  wild 
ducks  arose  with  a  squawk  and  disappeared  in  the 
gathering  darkness.  Then  a  silence  and  gloom  settled 
over  that  desolate  spot,  the  most  desolate  I  had  ever 
seen,  occasionally  broken  by  the  distant  roll  of  thunder 
and  flashes  of  lightning.  I  was  rudely  awakened  to 
our  serious  predicament  by  a  few  drops  of  rain;  we 
hadn't  anticipated  it  and  were  caught  thoroughly  un- 
prepared. Found  two  'dobe  walls  standing  on  the  bank 
of  the  pool,  and  in  the  angle  I  decided  to  camp,  for  I 
knew  they  would  afford  us  some  protection  from  the 
wind  and  rain. 

Some  wood  was  hurriedly  gathered  and  when  Tim 
arrived  a  bright  camp  fire  was  burning.  While  he  un- 
hitched the  burros  and  hobbled  them  I  put  some  chip- 
ped beef  and  coffee  on  the  fire  for  supper.  Just  before 
the  chipped  beef  and  flour  gravy  was  done  Tim,  while 
driving  a  stake  in  the  'dobe  wall,  over  which  he  intended 
spreading  some  canvas  to  afford  protection  from  the 


74  The  Arizona  Limited 

rain,  dislodged  a  lump  of  'dobe  the  size  of  a  man's  fist, 
and  splash !  it  fell  into  the  skillet.  All  we  had  for  sup- 
per was  coffee  and  some  stale  bread. 

The  entire  outfit,  horse,  foot  and  dragoons,  could 
have  been  purchased  for  fifteen  cents  that  night.  I 
seriously  doubt  if  there  were  two  more  wretched  mor- 
tals in  the  whole  world.  For  seven  long  hours  the 
travellers  sat  huddled  together  wrapped  in  two  army 
blankets,  tired,  hungry,  cold  and  so  drenched  that  the 
water  was  running  down  their  spinal  columns  in  con- 
tinuous rivulets.  The  rain  ceased  in  the  early  morn- 
ing and  we  rolled  up  in  our  wet  blankets  and  slept 
soundly  until  daylight. 

While  I  prepared  breakfast  Tim  went  in  search  of 
the  burros.  He  returned  shortly,  carrying  in  his  arms 
a  queer  little  long-eared  brute,  closely  followed  by 
Carrie  Nation,  the  proud  mother.  He  was  the  cutest 
little  devil  you  ever  saw;  a  jack,  brown  like  his  mother 
and  with  a  snow-white  belly.  The  youngster  was,  of 
course,  the  centre  of  attraction,  and  when  Teddy  in  a 
very  gentlemanly  manner  went  up  to  look  him  over  and 
offer  Carrie  hearty  congratulations,  the  old  hag  re- 
sponded with  a  resounding  whack  in  his  short  ribs.  He 
was  given  the  euphonious  appellation  of  Epaminondas- 
Alcibiades-Pytts. 

Had  we  been  in  a  good  camping  place  the  whole  day 
would  have  been  spent  in  rest,  but  we  made  a  short 
move  in  the  afternoon. 

We  hauled  the  baby  in  the  wagon  and  Carrie  fol- 
lowed along  behind.  The  day  following  the  advent  of 


The  Arizona  Limited  75 

Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts  we  met  a  rancher  who 
invited  us  to  dinner,  and  afterwards  accompanied  us  in 
search  of  another  burro.  We  shanghaied  a  jinny,  about 
the  size  and  color  of  Teddy,  with  a  beautiful  little  jinny 
colt  by  her  side,  possibly  a  week  old ;  she  was  a  beauty, 
nearly  white  with  black  trimmings.  The  mother  was- 
named  Grover  Cleveland — old  Grover  always  was  right 
much  of  an  old  woman — and  the  colt  was  called  Joan  of 
Arc. 

In  a  couple  of  hours  we  had  the  extra  set  of  harness 
made,  and  we  hooked  up  the  four — the  two  old  dames 
Carrie  and  Grover  at  the  wheels  and,  in  the  lead,  Teddy 
and  Mark.  The  time  we  had  getting  them  started! 
Grover  was  continually  braying  for  Joan  of  Arc  and 
Carrie  wanted  to  go  by  the  shortest  route  to  her  baby 
Epaminondas  who  was  jumping  about  the  prairie  like 
a  jack  rabbit,  having  just  found  out  what  his  legs  were 
for,  and  the  leaders  several  times  became  entangled  in 
the  whiffletrees.  However,  we  finally  got  the  team 
strung  out  and  headed  for  Wagon  Mound  which  we 
reached  late  in  the  afternoon. 

San  Francisco,  1,569  miles — 2,141  miles  New  York. 


76  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTEK  IX. 

THE  NEW  BOSS  OF  THE  LIMITED. 

The  Trail  Lost  Again — Through  Raton  Pass — An  Encounter  With 
a  Bear — The  Photographs  of  the  Limited — Encounter  the 
Triangular  Express  for  the  Last  Time — The  Bloom  Cattle 
Company's  Ranch — A  Serious  Predicament — 'Twas  Solomon 
Who  Said,  "Spare  the  Rod  and  Spoil  the  Child" — La  Junta. 

May  twenty-fourth,  we  travelled  to  Springer,  a  dis- 
tance of  twenty-three  miles;  considering  that  the  team 
was  practically  unbroken  and  the  age  of  the  babies,  we 
did  splendidly.  Do  you  want  to  know  who  was  the  real 
boss  of  the  Limited?  Why  the  baby,  of  course,  Epa- 
minondas-Alcibiades-Pytts. 

He  was  just  like  any  other  baby,  his  every  whim  had 
to  be  humored.  On  becoming  leg  weary  he  refused  to 
travel ;  the  schooner  would  be  halted,  a  nice  couch  con- 
structed out  of  blankets  and  comforts,  and  the  young 
gentleman  laid  very  gently  thereon,  where  he'd  rest 
calmly  and  snooze  peacefully — just  like  any  other  baby. 
The  journey  was  resumed  very  carefully,  and  all  the 
large  stones  and  ruts  were  avoided  in  order  not  to  dis- 
turb the  slumbers  of  the  young  gjftocrat,  until — presto 
change !  Stop !  hold  on ! — put  on  the  brakes — whoa ! 
the  conductor  would  yell,  all  the  time  a  frantic  struggle 
going  on  between  him  and  the  youthful  Epaminondas. 

"What's  the  matter  ?"  the  engineer  would  ask,  at  the 
same  time  putting  on  the  emergency  brake  and  coming 
to  a  sudden  halt. 


The  Arizona  Limited  77 

"Epaminondas  wants  his  dinner;  that's  all,"  would 
be  the  reply. 

There  you  are  again;  he's  just  like  any  other  baby. 
When  he  wants  his  dinner  he  wants  it  because  he  wants 
it,  and  if  it  isn't  given  him  forthwith  and  immediately 
if  not  sooner  the  very  old  Harry  is  to  pay. 

The  conductor  at  this  time  felt  the  heavy  responsi- 
bility laid  upon  him,  and  he  hoped  he'd  prove  worthy 
of  the  great  trust,  and  that  Epaminondas-Alcibiades- 
Pytts  would  grow  up  to  be  a  true  jackass  in  every  sense 
of  the  word;  a  credit  to  his  guardian  and  instructor, 
and  a  comfort  to  his  mother  Carrie.  Selah. 

On  leaving  Springer  we  very  foolishly  chose  the 
wrong  road  which  was  not  ascertained  until  several 
miles  had  been  traversed.  We  endeavored  to  regain 
the  main  trail  by  cutting  across  country,  which  only 
made  bad  matters  worse,  for  we  never  recovered  the 
trail  until  we  reached  Raton.  Several  times  our  pas- 
sage was  barred  by  barb-wire  fences,  but  fortunately 
we  had  a  pair  of  wire  pliers ;  we  simply  cut  the  fences 
and  after  passing  through  repaired  them. 

The  "Raton  Range"  commented  on  the  Limited's 
visit  as  follows: 

"Michael  GarbemHarman,  a  gentleman  who  grew 
weary  of  the  limited  exercise  afforded  by  a  walk  round 
the  corner  to  his  meals,  or  of  walking  under  shelter 
when  it  rained,  decided  to  take  a  hike  across  the  conti- 
nent for  a  change.  So  he  left  San  Francisco  with  a 
three-cent  piece,  an  extra  collar  and  a  cheerful  counten- 
ance; he  arrived  in  Raton  with  the  same  shirt  and  the 


78  The  Arizona  Limited 

same  cheerful  countenance,  but  the  three-cent  piece 
went  to  buy  calves'  liver  one  day  when  he  felt  like  eat- 
ing something.  On  his  journey  he  now  and  then  'ac- 
quired' a  burro,  until  when  he  reached  Raton  he  had 
four  of  the  long-eared  species  attached  to  a  cart." 

As  the  desert  was  left  behind  after  we  passed  into 
Colorado,  I  quote  what  Mr.  Chas.  F.  Lummis,  an 
authority,  says  of  it : 

"As  I  have  more  than  once  written  (and  it  never  yet 
has  been  controverted),  probably  no  other  equal  area 
on  earth  contains  so  many  supreme  marvels  of  so  many 
kinds — so  many  astounding  sights,  so  many  master- 
pieces of  Nature's  handiwork,  so  vast  and  conclusive  an 
encyclopaedia  of  the  world-building  processes,  such  im- 
pressive monuments  of  prehistoric  man,  so  many  tri- 
umphs of  man  still  in  the  tribal  relation — as  what  I 
have  called  the  Southwestern  Wonderland.  This  in- 
cludes a  large  part  of  New  Mexico  and  Arizona,  the 
area  which  geographically  and  ethnographically  we  may 
count  as  the  Grand  Canon  region." 

May  twenty-eighth  the  journey  was  through  the  Raton 
mountains,  a  spur  of  the  Rockies.  The  scenery  in  the 
pass  was  wild,  rugged  and  very  beautiful  and  the  trip 
proved  thoroughly  enjoyable.  It  was  to  be  a  long  time 
ere  we  encountered  another  range  of  mountains.  The 
next  to  be  travelled  were  in  far  off  Pennsylvania — the 
Alleghanies.  We  halted  at  Dick  Wooton's  abandoned 
house  near  the  summit  long  enough  to  explore  it.  Here, 
for  years,  that  veteran  collected  toll  from  every  schooner, 
stage  and  cavalcade  bound  for  the  West. 


The  Arizona  Limited  79 

In  the  afternoon,  when  nearing  the  Colorado  line,  I 
had  walked  some  distance  ahead  of  the  team  and  on 
rounding  a  sharp  curve  came  suddenly  upon  a  bear. 
He  was  just  in  the  act  of  crossing  the  trail  when  he 
espied  the  pedestrian.  ISTow  if  I  was  a  mighty  hunter 
like  our  honored  President,  the  only  T.  R.,  I'd  write: 

"When  bruin  observed  me  he  arose  on  his  hind 
quarters,  and  with  a  mighty  growl,  rushed  to  the  en- 
counter. I  coolly  and  calmly  awaited  the  assault. 
When  sufficiently  close  for  me  to  feel  the  bear's  hot 
breath  fan  my  cheek,  I  raised  my  deadly  rifle,  glanced 
down  the  glittering  barrel,  took  unerring  aim  at  his 
bloodshot  eye  and  fired.  Bruin  fell  pierced  through 
the  brain. 

"Then  I  boldly  walked  up,  placed  the  stock  of  my 
rifle  on  the  ground,  grasped  the  barrel  firmly  with  the 
right  hand,  and  with  the  left  foot  on  the  carcass,  ad- 
justed my  eye-glasses,  grinned  and  rang  for  the  pho- 
tographer." 

Or  if  a  Nature  Faker  it  would  be  about  like  this: 

"With  a  terrible  roar  (both  roaring)  we  rushed  to 
the  fearful  encounter;  after  a  sanguinary  conflict  last- 
ing thirty  minutes  (taking  out  for  the  intermission 
when  one  or  the  other  called  'time'),  I  managed  to 
break  the  bear's  strangle  holt  and,  getting  my  famous 
tail  grip,  dashed  his  brains  out  against  an  adjoining 
tree.  Though  my  clothes  were  torn  to  tatters,  my  flesh 
clawed  to  ribbons  and  I  bleeding  from  every  por<*,  I 
cut  his  throat,  skinned  him,  cut  off  a  piece  of  his  meat, 
and  had  fresh  bear  steak  for  supper." 


80  The  Arizona  Limited 

But  as  a  matter  of  fact,  I  ran  like  the  devil  and  so 
did  the  bear.  I  venture  to  say  that  neither  the  famous 
hunter  nor  the  Nature  Faker  could  have  distinguished 
himself  more  in  making  tracks  than  did  we,  the  bear 
and  myself. 

We  were  both  bent  on  putting  as  much  daylight  as 
possible  between  us,  and  in  the  shortest  time. 

May  twenty-ninth,  Trinidad,  Colorado,  was  made 
and  the  camp  was  pitched  in  a  beautiful  grove  of  trees, 
bounded  on  one  side  by  a  stream.  Having  saved  a  few 
dollars,  I  had  a  photographer  take  some  pictures  of  the 
Limited.  One  represents  the  whole  outfit,  all  looking 
their  sweetest  and  best;  the  calm,  dignified  demeanor 
of  Grover  Cleveland  was  very  marked,  and  the  solici- 
tude of  the  young  mother,  Carrie  Nation,  was  really 
touching  to  a  degree.  This  picture  was  traded  or 
sold  as: 

A  RARE  COLLECTION  OF  A88E8. 

In  the  other  I  was  the  central  figure;  on  my  knees, 
with  one  arm  encircling  Epaminondas-Alcibiades- 
Pytts  and  Joan  of  Arc  with  the  other.  This  picture 
was  called:  THREE  JACKS. 

East  of  Trinidad  the  Limited  encountered  the  Trian- 
gular Express  again.  Ever  since  the  first  meeting  at 
Blanchard  there  was  quite  a  rivalry  existing  as  to  the 
relative  speed  merits  of  the  two  expresses.  The  ques- 
tion had  been  debated  more  than  once  around  the  camp 
fire.  When  the  Triangular  forged  ahead,  Groheim, 
shaking  me  by  the  hand,  would  say: 


The  Arizona  Limited  81 

"It's  good-bye,  this  time,  for  sure;  it  is  too  much  to 
expect  those  little  jack  rabbits  of  yours  to  keep  pace 
with  my  horses." 

Whenever  the  Limited  repassed  them,  Tim  and  I 
were  always  particular  to  bid  all  the  members  a  final 
adieu. 

"Your  horses  can  travel  faster  than  the  burros,"  I 
would  say,  "but  you  are  obliged  to  stop  and  rest  your 
animals,  while  we  travel  seven  days  a  week." 

When  they  met  again  the  leader  always  had  some 
hard  luck  story  to  tell,  which  accounted  for  his  slow 
progress. 

Epaminoiidas  refused  to  ride  after  he  reached  the 
age  of  four  days,  and  Joan  of  Arc  always  scorned  the 
schooner  as  a  means  of  transportation. 

At  Thatcher  we  camped  on  the  Bloom  Cattle  Com- 
pany's ranch,  which  is  one  of  the  largest  in  the  West. 
We  arose  at  the  break  of  day,  and  ate  breakfast  with 
thirty-five  cowboys  around  an  immense  camp-fire.  We 
had  steak,  liver  and  bacon,  coffee,  and  bread  baked  in 
a  Dutch  oven.  The  cowboys  had  been  engaged  in  round- 
ing up  several  thousand  head  of  wild  horses.  They 
brand  the  colts,  catch  what  saddlers  they  want,  and 
turn  the  remainder  loose  on  the  range.  Each  cowboy 
requires  five  saddlers.  The  company  had  on  their 
range  fourteen  thousand  head  of  cattle  and  two  thou- 
sand horses. 

The  expected  happened  four  miles  from  the  station 
called  Bloom,  while  travelling  a  hillside  road  which 
had  been  badly  washed  by  recent  rains.  Our  left  wheel 


82  The  Arizona  Limited 

on  the  schooner  went  down.  Tim  made  a  trip  to  the 
woods  and  cut  eight  cedar  saplings  which  were  used  to 
brace  the  wheel  on  each  side  of  the  hub. 

"Now,"  said  Tim,  "the  wheel  is  stronger  than  when 
it  came  from  the  factory." 

I  had  my  serious  doubts  about  it,  however,  and  said 
nothing.  They  held  for  just  one  mile  when  down  it 
went  again;  for  keeps  this  time — the  spokes  having 
broken  off  in  the  hub. 

"Tim,"  said  I,  "we  are  in  a  bad  predicament.  If 
no  wheels  can  be  procured  in  Bloom,  I'll  return  to 
Trinidad  and  have  Goheim  bring  a  pair  out  with  him." 

In  about  ten  minutes  I  returned  to  the  schooner  with 
a  buggy  wheel  under  each  arm.  If  the  angel  Gabriel 
had  descended  and,  placing  one  foot  firmly  upon 
the  water  and  the  other  on  the  land,  had  sounded  those 
clarion  notes  calling  forth  sinners  to  repentance,  the 
surprise  on  Tim's  face  couldn't  have  been  greater  or 
more  ludicrous.  'Twas  truly  remarkable  that  within  a 
hundred  yards  of  the  breakdown  an  old  buggy  had  been 
found  which  had  been  demolished  in  a  runaway,  and 
the  rear  wheels  the  only  parts  any  good.  They 
were  tried  on  our  axles  and  wouldn't  fit.  What  next? 
It  is  all  very  simple  if  you  know  how.  A  surgical 
operation  was  performed  on  all  four  wheels,  the  boxings 
of  the  old  ones  were  inserted  in  the  ones  we  had  found 
and,  after  bracing  them  on  each  side  with  the  saplings, 
the  Limited  resumed  the  even  tenor  of  its  way. 

We  were  now  travelling  in  a  beautiful  farming  coun- 
try, rendered  so  by  irrigation.  What  a  treat  it  was  to 


The  Arizona  Limited  83 

travel  again  in  a  country  alive  with  Nature,  after  so 
many  hundreds  of  miles  over  the  wastes  of  the  Great 
American  Desert! 

Epaminondas-Alcibaides-Pytts  inherited  at  least  one 
of  the  objectionable  qualities  of  his  eccentric  mother, 
Carrie  Nation. 

I  mean  the  contrariness,  do-as-I-want-or-not-at-all 
attribute,  which  the  old  hag  had  developed  so  remark- 
ably. Joan  of  Arc,  Epaminondas  and  myself  walked 
immediately  behind  the  schooner,  forming  a  sort  of 
rear  guard  as  it  were.  In  case  any  pots,  pans  or  kettles, 
or  any  of  the  miscellaneous  articles  with  which  the  said 
schooner  abounded,  were  jarred  loose  while  she  sallied 
joyously  over  the  bounding  prairie,  we  would  be  Johnny 
on  the  spot  to  pick  them  up.  Now  Joan  of  Arc,  like  the 
little  lady  she  was,  no  matter  how  tired,  trotted  by  my 
side  contentedly;  but  not  so  the  juvenile  Master  Pytts, 
who  had  grown  very  worldly-wise  in  his  twelve  days  on 
terra  firma. 

"What's  the  use,"  he  soliloquized,  "in  my  piking 
directly  behind  that  crazy  rig  all  day,  and  having  that 
long-tall  gazabo  punch  me  in  the  short  ribs  whenever 
he  feels  like  it,  and  with  that  little  stuck  up  thing,  Joan, 
too  ?  She  told  me  that  her  mother  (Grover  Cleveland) 
told  her  not  to  get  too  intimate  with  me  because  my 
mother  wasn't  nice,  but  was  a  masher  or  smasher  I  for- 
get which.  Besides  when  a  choice  bit  of  thistle  is  seen 
growing  on  the  roadside,  I  can  try  my  new  teeth 
thereon.  What's  the  odds,  Bill,  anyway?" 


84  The  Arizona  Limited 

It  all  happened  by  my  catching  Master  Pytts  star 
gazing,  one  day,  fifty  yards  in  the  rear  of  the  schooner. 
Upon  my  hallooing  for  him  to  come  on  he  deliberately 
planted  himself  firmly  in  the  center  of  the  highway, 
lopped  his  ears  in  a  most  insolent  manner  and  refused 
to  budge,  as  much  as  to  say: 

"I'll  come  when  I  get  d —    -  good  and  ready/' 

We  continued  for  several  hundred  yards  thinking 
he'd  follow,  but  on  looking  back  found  he  hadn't 
changed  his  position. 

The  Limited  was  halted  and  the  pedestrian  was  ap- 
pointed a  committee  of  one  to  return  and  persuade  the 
young  Master  Pytts  to  rejoin  us.  When  I  arrived 
within  fifty  yards  of  him  he  started  back  to  New 
Mexico. 

"All  right,"  his  movement  indicated,  "I'll  cut  loose 
from  this  bunch  of  bums  and  shift  for  myself.  To  the 
land  of  my  birth  will  I  go,  where  society  is  not  so 
exclusive  nor  masters  so  exacting." 

However,  with  the  kind  assistance  of  some  people 
who  helped  me  corner  the  young  rascal,  his  bright  and 
ingenious  scheme  was  nipped  in  the  bud.  I  forthwith 
proceeded  to  make  preparations  to  persuade  our  young 
friend  to  return  to  his  first  love.  A  halter  was  made 
from  some  tar  rope,  and  slipped  over  his  head;  then 
four  long,  tough  and  keen  switches  were  cut  from  a 
neighboring  tree. 

Had  a  moving-picture  apparatus  and  a  phonograph 
both  been  in  operation  while  the  persuading  process  was 
being  enacted,  my  future,  that  is  financially,  would 


The  Arizona  Limited  85 

have  been  assured.  Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts 
was  a  very  busy  little  jackass  for  a  few  minutes.  Very 
busy,  indeed;  in  fact  he  performed  prodigies.  He 
broke  the  half-mile  record  for  the  ass,  he  invented 
divers  plunges,  leaps  and  jumps  hitherto  unknown  to 
the  species,  and  as  for  music,  he  emitted  every  note 
known  to  the  "Tennessee  Mocking  Bird"  from  high  C 
down  to  "Kocked  in  the  Cradle  of  the  Deep." 

June  fourth  we  arrived  in  La  Junta  and  immediately 
plunged  into  the  gayeties  of  a  street  fair  which  was  in 
progress  there. 

We  did  quite  a  nice  business  selling  our  photographs. 

San  Francisco,  1,754  miles — 1,956  miles  New  York. 


86  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTEK  X. 

CONTRIBUTIONS  FROM  THE  YOUTHFUL  NATIVES. 

The  Strenuous  Life  a  la  T.  Roosevelt,  Esq. — Caught  in  a 
Storm — Over  the  Kansas  Line — Joan  Hearkens  to  the  Young 
Scamp  and  Philosopher  Epaminondas — Goodbye  to  the 
Prairie  Dogs — Ignorance  Displayed  by  the  Residents  Con- 
cerning the  Roads — The  Limited  Suffers  a  Deep  Bereave- 
ment— A  Narrow  Escape — Raided  by  Stranded  Harvesters — 
Hutchinson. 

Sunday,  June  fourth,  the  camp  was  made  near  Las 
Animas.  While  Tim  was  unhitching  the  burros  and 
I  unpacking  the  cooking  utensils  and  dishes,  a  bunch 
of  boys  from  the  neighborhood  arrived  at  the  camp  and 
were  greatly  interested  in  the  burros,  especially  the 
young  ones. 

"Now,  Clarence/'  said  I,  singling  out  a  youngster 
and  putting  a  tin  pail  in  his  hand,  "go  and  tell  mamma 
that  there  are  two  real  nice  men  camped  on  the  roadside 
who  would  like  some  milk — fresh-from-the-cow  pre- 
ferred— for  their  coffee  and  oatmeal." 

"And  you,  Reginald,  see  if  mother  hasn't  a  few 
fresh  eggs  she  can  spare  in  the  glass  bowl  on  the  cup- 
board; and  Percy,"  I  continued,  addressing  another 
hopeful,  "take  a  scout  around  the  pantry  and  bring  any 
choice  morsel  that  may  grow  stale  if  not  consumed  be- 
fore morning — anything,  Percy,  like  pies,  cakes  or 
tarts  will  be  most  acceptable." 


The  Arizona  Limited  87 

"As  for  the  rest  of  you  boys,  two  can  bring  some 
water,  and  the  remainder  wood  for  the  camp-fire.  Then 
you'll  have  the  entire  evening  to  admire  Epaminondas 
and  Joan." 

Shortly  Clarence  arrived  with  some  milk,  Reginald 
with  eight  eggs,  and  Percy  broiight  an  apple  pie  almost 
as  large  as  his  diminutive  self.  Out  of  such  raw  ma- 
terial a  most  palatable  supper  was  concocted  of  eggs 
scrambled  in  new  milk,  bread,  coffee  and  the  pie  for 
dessert.  During  the  evening  a  number  of  the  relatives 
of  our  juvenile  friends  came  to  the  camp,  to  view  the 
wonderful  aggregation  of  asses  from  the  far  West. 

The  next  morning  I  awoke  with  a  severe  attack  of 
lumbago,  contracted  from  sleeping  on  the  damp  ground 
which,  coupled  with  the  sore  Achilles  tendon  in  the  left 
heel,  almost  had  the  walker  incapacitated ;  however,  I 
managed  to  limp  along,  with  the  aid  of  a  cane,  twenty- 
two  miles  to  the  Dudley  ranch. 

If  the  strenuous  life,  as  advocated  by  the  Honorable 
T.  Roosevelt,  Esq.,  has  for  its  foundation  stone  the 
word  "action" — something  doing  every  minute — then 
we  were  certainly  the  leading  exponents  of  it  in  those 
days.  I  am  going  to  particularize  on  one  day's  journey 
of  nineteen  miles,  which  will  give  a  fair  idea  of  the  im- 
mense amount  of  work  this  going  to  housekeeping  and 
breaking  up  every  day  entailed.  It's  astonishing. 

6:30  P.  M.  The  Limited  arrived  at  the  Dudley 
ranch. 

To  7  P.  M.  Tim  unhitched,  hobbled  and  fed  the 
burros,  while  I  unpacked  the  cooking  utensils,  dishes 
and  provisions  and  went  to  the  well  for  water. 


88  The  Arizona  Limited 

To  8  P.  M.  We  gathered  the  wood,  made  the  fire, 
washed  the  dishes  and  cooked  supper. 

To  8.30  P.  M.     The  supper  was  disposed  of. 

To  9  P.  M.  The  dishes  were  again  washed  and  every 
thing  stored  carefully  for  the  night. 

To  9.15  P.  M.  The  bed  was  made  on  the  ground 
alongside  the  schooner. 

9.30  P.  M.     Taps. 

4.30  A.  M.  Reveille  (a  duet  by  Mrs.  Nation  and 
Grover  Cleveland). 

To  5  A.  M.  Cooking  utensils  and  dishes  again  un- 
packed and  fire  made. 

To  6.30  A.  M.  Breakfast  cooked — eaten — dishes  re- 
washed  and  schooner  packed. 

To  7  A.  M.    Team  hitched  up. 

7.15  A.  M.     Camp  broke. 

To  11.30  A.  M.  Ten  miles  accomplished.  The 
burros  unhitched,  harness  removed,  and  each  given 
a  quart  of  oats.  A  fire  lighted,  coffee  made  for  lun- 
cheon, dishes  again  washed  and  re-packed. 

2  P.  M.    The  journey  resumed. 

6  P.  M.    Made  camp  two  miles  east  of  Lamar. 

A  right  strenuous  program  for  twenty-four  hours 
per  day  and  seven  days  per  week. 

June  ninth  we  travelled  to  Holly  where  we  made 
ourselves  perfectly  at  home  in  an  empty  Santa  Fe  box- 
car on  the  siding  near  the  station.  The  railroad  like- 
wise figured  in  the  entertainment  of  the  burros,  for  they 
occupied  one  of  the  company's  bull  pens. 

Eight  miles  east  of  Holly  we  came  to  a  stream  which 
above  the  ford  widens  into  quite  a  body  of  water.  Into 


The  Arizona  Limited  89 

the  very  center  of  it  did  Epaminondas  lead  Joan  of  Arc, 
where  they  halted. 

"Now,  Joan,  we'll  make  those  bums  wade  in  after 
us,"  said  Master  Pytts  in  the  burro  dialect,  "for  it's  per- 
fectly outrageous  at  our  tender  age  to  be  compelled  to 
walk  every  day.  Why  the  day  I  was  born  they  threw 
me  into  the  schooner  and  hauled  and  jostled  me  about 
until  my  poor  mother  Carrie  Nation  was  distracted  with 
grief.  And  ere  you,  Joan,  were  five  days  old  the  skates 
shanghaied  both  you  and  your  mother,  and  none  of  us 
will  ever  see  dear  old  New  Mexico  again." 

We  hallooed,  coaxed  and  threw  stones,  but  the  little 
asses  refused  to  budge. 

Epaminondas  continued,  "See  the  long,  tall  one  in  the 
long,  tall  hat  throw  stones,  Joan — how  cleverly  I  dodged 
that  one — and  isn't  he  mad  though  ?  Look  at  the  other 
one  swear  and  fume;  it's  better  than  a  play.  Now  the 
tall  one  is  wading  in  after  us  and  see  the  water  come  up 
around  his  knees.  Oh!  Joan,  he  has  that  blacksnake 
whip,  too — don't  let  him  get  within  striking  distance 
darling,  or  we'll  be  murdered.  Never,  if  I  live  to  be  a 
thousand,  will  that  lambasting  he  gave  me  in  Colorado 
be  forgotten." 

The  Limited  reached  Syracuse,  Kansas,  at  sundown 
on  the  seventeenth  of  June,  and,  as  usual,  quite  a 
crowd  collected. 

The  proprietor  of  a  hotel,  with  a  long  spinach  on  his 
chin,  inquired: 

"Have  you  boys  had  supper?" 

"No,"  I  answered. 


90  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Take  the  burros  'round  to  the  stable  and  come  to  the 
hotel,"  he  replied,  "for  you  two  are  about  the  biggest 
pair  of  fools  that  ever  passed  through  Syracuse,  and  I 
want  the  honor  of  entertaining  you  during  your  stay." 

We  had  seen  the  last  of  the  prairie  dogs.  For  hun- 
dreds and  hundreds  of  miles  these  little  fellows  had 
furnished  diversion  for  me.  On  arriving  at  the  out- 
skirts of  a  dog  town  the  marshal  (there  is  always  one  or 
more  on  guard),  sitting  on  the  rim  of  his  dwelling,  regis- 
tered his  most  emphatic  disapproval  of  the  invasion  of 
the  sacred  precincts  of  the  city  by  a  vigorous  barking. 
When  within  about  fifty  yards  of  the  marshal  he  would 
disappear,  and  the  last  glimpse  of  Mr.  Prairie  Dog,  as 
he  disappeared  down  his  hole,  showed  a  defiant  shake 
of  his  bushy  tail  which  said  all  too  plainly,  "Catch  me 
if  you  can."  However  he  doesn't  stay  down  long,  for  in 
a  few  minutes  he  will  bob  up  again,  having  made  his 
way  through  one  of  their  innumerable  subterranean 
passages  (the  ground  in  a  prairie  dog  town  is  a  verit- 
able honeycomb)  and  continue  his  barking. 

The  prairie  dog  is  an  extremely  wary  animal.  As  he 
sits  perched  on  the  rim  of  his  hole  he  invariably  tumbles 
into  it  when  shot.  I  investigated  the  prevalent  but 
erroneous  impression  that  the  prairie  dog,  owl,  and  rat- 
tlesnake occupy  amicably  the  same  apartment.  'Tis 
true  that  an  owl  is  frequently  seen  sitting  on  the  ground 
close  to  a  prairie  dog's  hole,  but  it  is  an  abandoned  hole. 
It  is  also  true  that  the  rattlesnake  is  often  seen  in  the 
vicinity  of  a  dog  town,  but  Mr.  Kattlesnake  is  there  for 
a  purpose,  and  a  deadly  one  too.  On  the  menu  a  young 


The  Arizona  Limited  91 

prairie  dog  occupies  the  same  relative  position  to  the 
rattlesnake  as  does  the  diamond-back  terrapin,  the  gem 
of  the  Chesapeake,  to  the  Metropolitan  clubman.  On 
the  approach  of  their  deadly  enemy  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Prai- 
rie Dog  skiddoo,  leaving  the  children  to  be  devoured 
by  the  reptile.  Should  Mr.  Eattlesnake,  however,  after 
the  custom  of  snakes,  take  his  after-dinner  siesta,  the 
chances  are  he  will  have  paid  dearly  for  his  meal.  The 
bereaved  relatives  and  friends  of  the  young  dogs,  know- 
ing this  weakness  of  the  reptile,  set  to  work  energetically 
to  close  every  avenue  of  escape,  and  Mr.  Kattlesnake 
awakes  to  find  himself  entombed  alive  and  rattles  his 
life  away  in  impotent  rage. 

One  night,  near  Garden  City,  our  bed  was  made 
under  a  big  tree  in  the  yard  adjoining  a  ranch  house. 
We  were  awakened  in  the  night  by  a  terrible  wind  and 
rain  storm.  The  rain  came  down  in  torrents  and  be- 
fore we  could  dress  everything  was  soaking  wet.  By 
the  aid  of  the  almost  continuous  flashes  of  lightning  we 
gained  the  shelter  of  the  barn,  where  in  the  hay-mow, 
and  wrapped  in  the  wet  blankets,  the  remainder  of  the 
night  was  passed. 

June  fourteenth,  while  travelling  eastward  by  what 
was  known  as  the  prairie  road,  unluckily  for  us  we  met 
a  cowboy  who  said  there  was  no  water  to  be  had  for 
fifteen  miles  and  that  we  should  take  the  trail  via 
Pierceville.  Imagine  our  dismay  on  reaching  the  town 
to  ascertain  that  the  cow  puncher  was  mistaken  about 
the  scarcity  of  Ha  O  on  the  prairie  road,  and  that  we  had 
travelled  six  miles  further  than  was  necessary.  A 


92  The  Arizona  Limited 

cheering  bit  of  news  which  had  a  tendency  to  sweeten 
the  disposition  of  two  of  the  members,  at  least,  I  don't 
think. 

Really  it  was  appalling,  the  ignorance  the  people  dis- 
played about  the  roads  of  their  own  community.  One 
can  readily  understand  how  a  man  living  in  Kansas 
wouldn't  know  or  be  expected  to  know  anything  about 
the  roads  in  Maine,  but  he  should  certainly  be  able  to 
direct  you  intelligently  in  his  own  county. 

Smith  says  go  that  way ;  Jones  this  way ;  Brown  will 
tell  you  to  go  neither  by  Smith's  nor  Jones's  route,  but 
that  his  is  the  shortest  and  best.  Smith  will  tell  you 
there  is  heavy  sand  on  Jones's  road;  Jones  is  positive 
that  the  schooner  will  go  to  pieces  on  Smith's  rocky 
road;  Jones  and  Smith  will  unite  in  condemning 
Brown's  trail  because  of  the  hills.  All  three  have  lived 
in  the  county  all  their  lives  and  travelled  each  of  the 
roads  not  scores  but  hundred  of  times.  There  you  are, 
make  your  choice;  one  is  fine,  the  other  two  execrable. 
Is  it  any  wonder  that  the  Arizona  Limited  wandered 
around  the  prairies  like  the  children  of  Israel  in  the 
wilderness  ? 

On  the  trip  to  Howells  we  were  again  victimized  by 
a  rancher  who  misdirected  us,  and  it  was  truly  a  tired 
aggregation  that  arrived  there  at  ten  o'clock  P.  M., 
especially  the  rear  guard;  I  was  still  suffering  a  good 
deal  with  the  sore  ankle.  We  were  too  weary  to  cook 
any  food,  so,  after  feeding  the  burros,  we  munched  at 
a  loaf  of  bread  and  retired  for  the  night. 


The  Arizona  Limited  93 

Saturday,  June  eighteenth,  we  reached  Dodge  City, 
Kansas,  where  the  Limited  remained  for  a  day  as  there 
was  some  repairing  to  be  done  to  the  schooner. 

One  morning  near  Mackville,  Tim  went  in  search  of 
the  burros  and  in  a  short  time  returned  driving  five 
ahead  of  him. 

"Where's  Mark  Twain?''  I  inquired. 

"I  couldn't  find  him,"  answered  Tim,  "he  must  have 
strayed  further  than  the  others,  or  possibly  some  one  has 
stolen  him." 

We  were  inclined  to  believe  that  the  latter  fate  had 
befallen  him  as  he  was  a  kindly  disposed  brute  and 
would  allow  anyone  to  do  with  him  as  he  pleased ;  pull 
his  ears  and  tail  or  tickle  his  heels,  having  a  disposi- 
tion essentially  different  from  Teddy  or  Mrs.  Nation. 
It  must  have  happened  about  like  this.  Mark,  no 
doubt,  tired  of  feeding  on  insipid  bluegrass  and  white 
clover,  thought  he'd  cross  the  railroad  track  and  search 
for  a  choice  morsel  of  thistle,  when  his  attention  was 
attracted  in  the  distance  to  what  appeared  to  him  to 
be  a  full,  large,  red  desert  moon. 

Alas!  poor  Mark. 

The  mistake  was  fatal ;  he  mistook  an  on-rushing 
headlight  of  the  engine  for  the  moon.  We  found  him 
where  he  fell,  with  his  back  broken. 

This  was  the  noblest  burro  of  them  all. 

All  the  others,  save  only  he,  did  that  they  did,  in  envy  of  each 

other ; 
He,  only,  in  a  general  honest  thought  and  common  good  to  all, 

made  one  of  them. 

His  life  was  gentle  and  the  cactus  so  mixed  in  him 
That  Nature  might  stand  up  and  say  to  all  the  world, 
This  was  an  ASS! 


94  The  Arizona  Limited 

So  it  devolved  upon  the  strenuous  Teddy  alone  to 
lead  the  two  old  dames  and  their  babies  across  the 
plains  of  the  Sunflower  state. 

One  afternoon  during  a  heavy  rainstorm  the  Limited 
sought  shelter  under  a  tree.  Situated  at  some  little 
distance  from  us  was  a  barn,  and  thinking  it  would 
afford  better  shelter  Tim  suggested  that  we  go  to  it. 
However,  I  thought  it  better  to  remain  with  the  team 
under  the  tree.  Ten  minutes  later  the  barn  was  struck 
by  lightning  and  entirely  consumed.  It  certainly  seems 
that  we  are  guided  by  the  kind  hand  of  Providence  in 
these  matters,  for  repeatedly  we  had  sought  the  shelter 
of  barns  in  inclement  weather  and  had  never  come  to 
harm. 

Near  Hutchinson  one  morning,  while  cooking  break- 
fast, we  were  raided  by  a  band  of  stranded  harvesters. 
These  men  had  been  lured  to  the  rural  districts  of 
Kansas  by  vivid  newspaper  articles  which  promised 
large  returns  for  being  Knights  of  the  Pitchfork  for  a 
brief  space.  However,  it  had  been  raining  daily  and 
the  poor  fellows  had  neither  work  nor  money.  Fifteen 
of  them,  desperate  with  hunger,  surrounded  our  camp ; 
and  had  I  not  once  been,  in  my  bright,  brilliant  and 
checkered  career,  a  harvester  myself,  they'd  have  cleaned 
out  the  Limited,  food,  blankets,  cooking  utensils  and 
all.  No  matter  how  low  a  man  may  fall  there  is  gen- 
erally a  sense  of  gratitude  left  for  one  who  tries  to 
help  him.  I  didn't  wait  for  the  men  either  to  ask  for 
or  say  they'd  take  something  to  eat,  but  took  the  initia- 
tive and  invited  them  to  breakfast.  The  larder  of  the 


The  Arizona  Limited  95 

Limited  was  quite  well  supplied  at  the  time,  so  I  set 
the  whole  business  before  them  and  soon  they  had  sev- 
eral camp-fires  burning  and  were  cooking  bacon  and 
eggs  on  tin  and  old  shovels,  and  making  coffee  in  tomato 
cans. 

San  Francisco,  2,104  miles — 1,606  miles  New  York. 


96  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTER  XI. 

MUD— MUD— MUD— WE  WERE  IN  A  STATE  OF  MUD. 

A  Credulous  Rube — Newton — Repeated  Breakdowns — A  Night  at 
"Clovercliff" — The  Glorious  Fourth — The  Angel  of  Death 
Again  Visits  the  Limited — Held  Up  in  Quenimo  by  High 
Water — The  Pedestrian  Leaves  the  Schooner  for  a  Time — 
Old  Friends  in  Shawnee — Kansas  City — Albertus  Babe  Kel- 
ley  a  Back-woods  Philosopher  and  Hermit — A  Hot  Appetizer. 

June  twenty-eighth  we  arrived  near  Newton,  Kan- 
sas, but  how  we  got  there  is  a  muddy  story,  sure.  For 
the  week  previous  we  were  in  mud  and  the  mud  in  us ; 
the  Limited  fairly  revelled  in  mud — slept  in  mud- 
walked  in  mud — and  ate  in  mud.  There  was  mud  in 
the  blankets — mud  in  the  cart,  and  Tim  and  I  were 
cakes  of  mud. 

We  could  no  more  avoid  it  than  could  the  Egyptians 
escape  from  their  plagues.  What  kind  of  mud  was  it? 
Kansas  mud;  the  very  stickiest,  nastiest  and  blackest 
in  the  world,  and  why  the  State  wasn't  named  mud  I 
don't  know.  We  met  a  man,  who  had  mud  in  his  head 
instead  of  brains.  No?  A  fact,  nevertheless.  While 
slushing  through  the  rain  one  afternoon,  we  met  Steve 
Peppercorn  driving  west  in  a  buckboard.  He  was  so 
astonished  at  seeing  such  an  aggregation  on  the  high- 
way, that  he  stopped  and  asked: 

"Where  are  you  going,  partner,  with  them  little 
asses  ?" 


The  Arizona  Limited  97 

"We  are  travelling/'  answered  I,  "overland  to  St. 
Petersburg,  in  Russia,  from  Japan." 

"Gosh!"  exclaimed  Steve,  "that's  furdern  K.  C. 
ain't  it?" 

"Yes,"  I  continued,  "about  five  hundred  times  as 
far.  You  know  these  are  among  the  rarest  animals  in 
the  world — Japanese  mules  they  are,  from  the  private 
stud  of  the  Emperor  of  Japan.  We  are  taking  them  as 
a  present  to  the  Czar." 

"By  Gosh!"  ejaculated  Steve. 

We  left  him  standing  in  the  road  with  his  mouth 
agape,  swallowing  Kansas  rain,  and  trying  to  assimi- 
late it  all.  Guess  he'll  be  talking  and  telling  his  neigh- 
bors, "bout  them  Japanese  mules  what  he  saw,"  for  the 
next  decade. 

Since  Mark  Twain  had  taken  his  unexpected  depart- 
ure for  mule  heaven  we  decided  to  replace  the  tongue 
in  the  schooner  with  a  pair  of  shafts,  and  work  the 
burros  three  abreast.  Soon  after  we  left  Hutchinson 
we  came  to  a  grove  of  saplings  opposite  a  farm.  We 
pitched  the  camp,  went  into  the  woods  and  cut  two 
saplings,  and  worked  faithfully  on  the  job  the  entire 
day,  finishing  at  nightfall. 

One  night  was  passed  in  a  man's  corncrib  where  we 
afforded  the  rats  and  mice  quite  a  diversion,  for  they 
were  running  and  hurdling  us  all  night  long.  June 
twenty-ninth  the  Limited  managed  to  cover  seventeen 
miles  in  ten  hours,  camped  near  a  farm  house  where,  as 
usual,  the  couch  was  made  in  the  hay  loft.  Supposed 
when  New  York  was  reached,  from  continuous  habit, 


98  The  Arizona  Limited 

I'd  seek  out  a  livery  stable  instead  of  a  hotel.  On  the 
road  west  of  Florence  the  schooner  sank  in  mud  holes 
up  to  the  axles  three  times.  We  sat  on  the  roadside, 
patiently  waiting  for  a  team  of  horses  to  come  along  and 
extricate  us.  The  burros  are  as  game  animals  as  ever 
looked  through  a  collar,  but  because  they  are  so  diminu- 
tive, and  possessed  of  such  small  feet,  they'd  sink  right 
up  to  their  bellies.  We  would  unhitch  them,  one  would 
grab  the  burro  by  the  ears  and  the  other  catch  him  by 
the  tail,  and  thus  pull  him  out. 

At  this  stage  of  the  journey  a  good  deal  of  time  was 
consumed  in  repairing  breakdowns.  The  schooner  and 
harness  were  not  made  to  withstand  the  many  hard  pulls 
and  jerks  to  which  they  were  subjected.  We  expected 
three  or  four  repair  jobs  a  day,  but  when  it  came  to 
mending  the  strenuous  Ted's  trace  or  Carrie's  breast 
yoke  a  dozen  times,  more  or  less,  in  a  day's  journey,  it 
grew  monotonous.  We  would  never  have  gotten  through 
without  the  baling  wire  and  wire  pliers — both  were  in- 
dispensable. The  latter  is  the  most  useful  little  imple- 
ment imaginable,  not  only  for  all  kinds  of  repairing  to 
both  schooner  and  harness  but  also  around  the  camp  fire 
while  cooking  a  meal  it  was  a  very  handy  tool  to  lift 
pots,  pans  and  kettles  on  and  off  the  fire. 

One  afternoon,  after  a  hard  day's  travel,  we  hove  in 
sight  of  a  very  beautiful  place  called  "Clovercliff."  It 
is  an  immense  alfalfa  ranch  of  many  thousand  acres. 
We  found  the  people  cultured  and  refined ;  they  appre- 
ciated the  novelty  of  the  trip,  and  the  whole  family  ex- 
erted themselves  to  make  the  Limited  comfortable  for 
one  night  at  least. 


The  Arizona  Limited  99 

While  the  "chief  cook  and  bottle  washer"  made  a  fire 
preparatory  to  cooking  supper  the  male  member  of  the 
family,  together  with  twenty  or  more  farm  hands,  gath- 
ered to  see  how  the  trick  was  done. 

We  received  donations  of  eggs,  bread,  milk  and  cake, 
and  they  seemed  to  enjoy  the  novelty  hugely  while  we 
enjoyed  the  cake  et  cetera. 

After  supper  Tim  and  I  took  a  scout  to  see  how  the 
burros  were  faring.  What  do  you  think?  In  the  first 
stall  Teddy  Roosevelt  was  occupying,  mind  you,  a  great 
big  box  stall  alone,  wrapped  in  the  solitude  of  his  own 
originality  and  chewing  away  at  a  bale  of  alfalfa  about 
the  size  of  himself.  Carrie  and  her  son  Epaminondas 
were  ensconced  in  the  next,  and  the  old  lady  was  going 
for  a  bale  as  though  her  very  life  depended  on  its  being 
consumed  before  morning.  Epaminondas  was  rendering 
slight  assistance  by  occasionally  nibbling  a  few  choice 
straws  which  ever  and  anon  he'd  wash  down  with  a  drink 
of  milk.  And  what  of  old  dame  Grover  ?  Had  she  upon 
entering  her  apartment  with  Joan  lapsed  into  innocuous 
desuetude?"  Not  much.  They  were  industriously  en- 
gaged on  a  bale  of  the  same  brand. 

July  third,  after  accomplishing  eight  miles,  a  heavy 
rain  set  in,  and  on  arriving  at  a  schoolhouse  where  the 
fuel  house  was  found  open  with  an  abundance  of  dry 
wood,  we  decided  to  spend  the  remainder  of  the  day  in 
placing  a  covering  over  the  water-soaked  schooner.  Be- 
sides my  ankle  needed  a  rest ;  it  was  not  conductive  to  its 
improvement  to  have  carried  along  several  pounds  of 
Kansas  real  estate  clinging  to  each  of  my  rather  dilapi- 


100  The  Arizona  Limited 

dated  shoes  as  I  had  been  doing  for  the  past  three 
weeks.  To  a  farmer  in  the  neighborhood  a  pair  of 
mounted  steer  horns  was  given  in  exchange  for  some 
hoops  and  a  piece  of  canvas,  which,  together  with  an 
old  tent  we  had  secured  in  Trinidad,  formed  the  cover- 
ing. In  the  afternoon  the  sun  came  out  and  that  night, 
for  the  first  time  in  several  weeks,  the  engineer  and  con- 
ductor luxuriated  in  dry  clothing  and  blankets. 

After  the  organization  of  the  Limited  we,  once  a 
week,  would  have  wash  day;  we  would  camp  some 
afternoon  early,  make  a  fire,  and  put  a  change  of  cloth- 
ing in  a  pot  to  boil. 

If  it  was  dry  weather  we'd  tie  the  clothes  to  a  rope 
attached  to  the  back  part  of  the  schooner.  If  it  was 
rainy  weather  we  would  put  them  on  wet ;  'twas  only 
an  exchange  of  the  clean  wet  for  the  soiled  wet. 

On  the  glourious  Fourth  we  arrived  in  Lebo,  flying 
the  Star-spangled  Banner — the  one  given  us  in  Los 
Cerrillos — where  quite  an  ovation  awaited  us  by  the 
celebrators.  I  gave  the  crowd  one  of  my  choice  ora- 
tions which,  while  it  lacked  the  eloquence  of  a  Patrick 
Henry,  was  well  received,  and  at  its  termination  I  sold 
some  souvenirs.  No  Fourth  of  July  celebration  is 
complete  without  the  usual  game  of  baseball.  The 
"Strong  City  Giants"  were  on  hand  to  struggle  with 
the  "Lebo  Invincibles,"  for  fame,  glory  and  the  bright 
smiles  of  the  rustic  beauties  who  were  greatly  in  evi- 
dence, bedecked  in  their  best  bibs  and  tuckers.  It  was 
great  fun!  There  is  more  real,  downright  enjoyment 
to  be  had  from  a  country  game  of  baseball  than  from 


The  Arizona  Limited  101 

a  National  League  contest.  As  is  usually  the  case  in 
these  games,  the  features  were  the  player  by  accident 
catching  the  ball,  and  the  immense  score.  The  Fickle 
Goddess  of  Fortune  placed  the  laurel  wreath  of  victory 
on  the  noble  brows  of  the  Leboites. 

July  sixth  we  camped  on  a  hill  overlooking  the  town 
of  Quenemo  where  we  learned  that  it  would  be  impos- 
sible to  cross  the  river  for  several  days,  owing  to  the 
high  water  which  was  in  the  streets  of  the  town.  Tim 
and  I  slept  in  the  schooner  in  wet  blankets,  lulled  to 
sleep  by  the  incessant  pattering  of  the  raindrops  on  the 
canvas. 

We  woke  on  the  morning  of  the  seventh,  the  rain 
still  pouring  in  torrents,  wet,  hungry  and  almost  de- 
spairing. Not  one  gleam  of  light  marked  the  horizon. 
This  communing  with  Nature  in  fair  weather  was  all 
right,  for  what  is  more  alluring  than  to  camp  in  a 
picturesque  spot,  with  a  bright  camp  fire  burning,  and 
after  a  good  meal  to  loll  around  on  the  blankets,  smok- 
ing and  swapping  stories  until  bed  time;  and  then  to 
seek  a  luxurious  couch  of  pine  boughs  with  the  bright 
canopy  of  heaven  for  a  covering?  But  the  communing 
business  through  dripping  Kansas  was  "a  gray  horse 
of  another  color." 

The  Limited,  at  Quenemo,  again  suffered  the  loss 
of  one  of  its  members.  The  terrible  weather  had  proved 
too  much  for  Joan  of  Arc,  and  the  poor  little  brute 
died  of  lung  fever.  When  we  first  noticed  that  she  was 
ailing  with  a  bad  cough,  she  was  carried  to  a  stable 
where  we  worked  faithfully  over  her  all  one  night ;  but 

7. 


102  The  Arizona  Limited 

she  died  the  next  morning.  She  was  a  cute  little  ani- 
mal, kind  and  gentle,  and  all  day  long  she'd  walk  con- 
tentedly by  my  side  like  a  big,  faithful  dog.  Joan  was 
never  so  precocious  as  Epaminondas  who'd  be  here, 
there  and  everywhere.  He'd  plough  through  the  mud 
all  day  long,  and  when  night  came  would  run  races 
with  himself  and  kick  your  hat  off  to  give  himself  an 
appetite  for  supper. 

July  ninth  the  water  had  fallen  sufficiently  to  allow 
us  to  cross  the  river,  and  after  starting  the  team  on  its 
way  I  left  for  Kansas  City  where  I  expected  to  secure 
an  advertisement  from  some  big  enterprise  for  the 
World's  Fair.  Tim  said  he  thought  he  could  manage 
alone  for  a  few  days,  and  we  would  join  forces  again 
in  Missouri. 

The  year  previous  I  had  known  in  Chicago  a  vocalist 
of  fine  attainments  who,  when  on  the  verge  of  becoming 
a  great  tenor,  contracted  typhoid  fever  and  died.  I 
walked  into  his  father's  store  in  Shawnee,  and  both  he 
and  my  friend's  widow  were  delighted  to  see  me.  The 
following  day  was  passed  resting  under  the  big  shade 
trees  and  talking  over  old  times  in  Chicago. 

The  Sunflower  State  was  at  my  back  when  the  river 
was  crossed  into  Kansas  City,  Mo.  Why  it  was  so 
called  I'm  at  a  loss  to  understand,  for  old  King  Sol 
certainly  didn't  distinguish  himself  by  any  lengthy 
exhibitions  while  we  were  traversing  it. 

Poor  old  Kansas!  Her  trials  and  tribulations  have 
been  many.  It  appears  to  me  as  though  the  Lord  takes 
special  delight  in  chastising  her  good  people — for  they 


The  Arizona  Limited  103 

are  good,  kind  and  hospitable;  at  least  we  found  them 
so.      Among   my   earliest    recollections    are    hard-luck 
stories  emanating  from  Kansas.     You  may  have  pos- 
sibly heard  the  story  of  the  farmer  who  had  gone  bank- 
rupt in  the  State,  back  in  the  eighties.     The  poor  devil 
was  making  his  exit  from  Kansas,  as  rapidly  as  a  poor, 
worn  out,  old  plug  of  a  horse  could  travel,  with  the  fol- 
lowing sign  in  large  letters  on  the  wagon  cover ; 
"In  God  we  trusted, 
In  Kansas  we  busted." 

But  these  Kansans  are  stickers,  and  the  tenacity 
with  which  they  cling  to  their  State  is  most  admirable. 
The  Creator  has  tried  blowing  them  out  with  cyclones ; 
burning  them  up  with  droughts ;  beating  them  out  with 
hail;  eating  them  up  with  grasshoppers;  and  as  a  last 
resort  is  trying  the  drowning  process.  Guess  he'll  give 
them  up  as  a  bad  job  if  the  latter  fails.  They  certainly 
deserve  a  few  peaceful  years,  at  any  rate. 

While  walking  the  track,  several  miles  east  of  Little 
Blue,  Mo.,  I  met  an  old,  old  man,  with  a  long  white 
beard,  hobbling  along  with  the  aid  of  a  walking  stick, 
and  carrying  a  bundle. 

"Where  are  you  going,  young  man  ?"  he  inquired. 

"I'm  on  a  walk  from  San  Francisco  to  New  York 
City,"  I  answered. 

"Walking  from  San  Francisco  to  New  York,"  he 
repeated  slowly ;  "I  wouldn't  do  that  for  all  the  money 
in  the  world." 

"Oh,  it's  not  so  hard  after  one  becomes  accustomed 
to  it,"  was  my  reply. 


104  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Yes,  it's  true.  I  guess  h—  -  would  be  all  right 
after  one  became  accustomed  to  it,"  he  answered,  "but 
come  and  spend  the  night  with  me  in  my  shack  up  in 
the  woods,  and  I  want  you  distinctly  to  understand, 
young  man,  that  I'm  the  only  man  in  Jackson  county 
who  would  extend  you  hospitality.  They  are  a  bad  lot 
these  Missourians,  a  very  bad  lot;  and  I  have  been 
here  long  enough  to  find  them  out,  over  forty  years." 

The  old  fellow  was  quite  a  character  so  I  decided  to 
accompany  him  to  his  lodging  up  in  the  hills,  situated 
a  mile  from  the  railroad.  On  reaching  his  rudely-con- 
structed shack,  I  planted  myself  on  a  bench  under  a 
tree  after  removing  my  knapsack. 

"Will  you  have  a  drink  ?"  he  called  from  the  interior 
of  his  cabin. 

"Don't  care  if  I  do,"  was  my  reply,  thinking  that  a 
little  nip  of  good  old  Kentucky  Bourbon  would  do  me 
good. 

The  old  man  shortly  emerged  from  the  doorway  with 
two  tincups,'  some  sugar  and  a  bottle.  He  placed  him- 
self beside  me  on  the  bench  to  mix  the  drinks.  The 
bottle  was  labeled  "ALCOHOL." 

And  he  rambled  thusly :  "My  name  is  Albertus  Babe 
Kelly,  formerly  of  Kentucky,  and  the  most  serious 
charge  for  which  I'll  be  compelled  to  answer  before  the 
last  tribunal  is  that  forty  years  of  my  life  were  mis- 
spent in  Missouri.  I  came  here  forty  years  ago,  to 
escape  being  drafted  for  the  war,  and  have  never  had 
money  enough  to  return.  The  very  idea  of  a  Kentucky 
gentleman  having  sojourned  here  so  long  is  alone 


The  Arizona  Limited  105 

enough  to  condemn  him  to  eternal  and  everlasting  pun- 
ishment." 

As  he  poured  the  fiery  liquid  into  the  cups,  he  con- 
tinued : 

"A  good  drink  of  whiskey  cannot  be  secured  any- 
where in  Jackson  county,"  and,  as  he  handed  me  the 
drink  he  proposed  the  following  toast: 

"Here  is  to  dear  old  Kentucky, 
The  land  of  the  rich  blue-grass; 
And  to  Missouri  eternal  damnation, 
Which  is  only  fit  for  an  ass." 

Of  course  Albertus  Babe  would  have  been  mortally 
offended  had  I  balked;  so  I  was  game  and  down  went 
the  fiery  concoction  to  the  last  drop.  My,  how  it  burnt ! 

In  reply  to  the  inquiry  as  to  why  he  lived  a  hermit's 
life,  he  answered: 

"I  am  close  to  Nature  here,  far  removed  from  the 
lying  and  deceitful  world.  With  the  trees,  birds  and 
animals  for  my  friends,  I  am  spending  my  last  days 
contented  and  happy.  I  earn  with  my  axe,  chopping 
wood  and  splitting  rails,  the  necessities  of  life,  and 
here  I  will  remain  until  the  last  call." 

Poor,  lonely  old  man !  Can  you  imagine  a  more  piti- 
ful sight  than  a  man  eighty  years  of  age  quitting  this 
world  for  eternity  without  a  single  friend  ?  I  cannot. 

The  next  morning  the  old  fellow  insisted  on  my  try- 
ing another  of  his  famous  Alcohol  high-balls,  but  'twas 
nay,  nay  Pauline — never  again  for  little  Willie.  Al- 
bertus gave  me  a  cane  carved  from  heart  oak  and  it  was 
a  peach  of  a  dog  stick. 

San  Francisco,  2,361  miles — 1,349  miles  New  York. 


106  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTER  XII. 

NEWS  OF  THE  LIMITED. 

Marauders  Disturb  the  Slumbers  of  the  Pedestrian — The  Reunion 
at  California,  Mo. — Jefferson  City — Epaminondas  Has  His 
Picture  "Took"— A  Fish  Story— An  Argument  With  the 
Ferryman — A  Feast  of  Game  and  Fowl — The  Consideration 
of  Teddy — Triumphal  Entry  Into  the  World's  Fair  City — The 
Arizona  Limited  Makes  Its  De"but  Into  Fast  Society. 

July  seventeenth  the  weather  was  very  warm  and 
after  accomplishing  ten  miles  a  halt  was  made  under 
the  shade  of  some  oaks  which  line  the  Missouri  Pacific 
railroad.  At  four  o'clock  the  journey  was  resumed  to 
Strasburg,  which  was  reached  at  ten  o'clock.  As  the 
whole  village  had  apparently  retired,  I  spread  my  blan- 
ket on  a  trunk  truck  which  was  standing  on  the  plat- 
form of  the  station,  and  a  good  bed  it  was ;  a  little  hard, 
it  is  true,  but  then  I  had  become  so  accustomed  to  hard 
things  on  this  trip  that  when  anything  soft  came  my 
way  it  was  quite  a  shock  to  the  system. 

Four  A.  M.  found  me  up  and  doing.  The  same 
policy  was  pursued  as  on  the  previous  day;  that  is, 
walking  early  and  late  and  resting  in  the  heat  of  the 
day.  Upon  my  arrival  in  Warrensburg  I  repaired  to 
a  drug  store,  and  there  met  a  party  who  had  two  days 
previously  seen  the  Limited  pass.  They  kept  my 
whistle  wet  with  divers  and  sundry  soft  drinks  and  I 
spun  them  a  few  yarns  about  the  road. 


The  Arizona  Limited  107 

The  nineteenth  I  walked  twenty-five  miles  into  Dres- 
den, where  an  empty  box  car  was  occupied.  These  were 
strenuous  days,  and  I  was  forcibly  reminded  of  the  long 
walks  across  the  Great  American  Desert  into  Albu- 
querque, before  the  organization  of  the  Limited.  While 
reposing  on  the  platform  of  the  railroad  station  at  Syra- 
cuse, I  was  awakened  by  hearing  two  persons  convers- 
ing in  close  proximity: 

"  To  Gawd,  what  is  dat  a  layin'  dar  ?" 
It  was  then  that  I  rose  on  my  elbow  to  see  who  it 
was  that  dared 

Beard  the  lion  in  his  den, 
The  pedestrian  at  his  rest. 

Her  companion  replied: 

"He's  jes'  takin'  res',  Lize,  come  away  and  lef  'im 
be;  he's  jes'  takin'  his  res'." 

The  next  marauder  to  disturb  the  pedestrian's  rest 
was  old  King  Sol,  and  I  wasn't  long  in  getting  busy. 

I  left  the  railroad  track  and  followed  the  county 
road,  and  if  no  one  had  told  me  that  the  schooner  had 
passed  I'd  have  known  it.  How?  Because  there  was 
no  other  pair  of  wheels  in  the  world  that  made  such  a 
trail;  for  describing  paraboloids  they  stood  alone  and 
apart  in  a  class  by  themselves.  The  tracks  looked  like 
two  serpents  had  crawled  the  road,  side  by  side. 

On  reaching  California,  Mo.,  the  first  thing  that 
came  within  my  line  of  vision  was  the  schooner  stand- 
ing at  the  watering  trough.  When  within  fifty  feet  of 
the  outfit  what  do  you  think  happened  ?  Epaminondas 
espied  me  and  walked  down  to  meet  me  and  rubbed 
against  my  leg,  as  much  as  to  say : 


108  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Where  have  you  been  all  this  time,  old  sport,  and 
I'm  real  glad  to  see  you."  The  dear  little  fellow.  I 
put  my  arms  around  him  and  he  was  treated  to  a  real 
good  hug.  How  attached  one  becomes  to  dumb  creat- 
ures! All  the  attention,  however,  was  not  given  to 
young  Master  Pytts.  Teddy's  new  suit  of  clothes  was 
patted — the  burros  in  my  absence  had  shedded  their 
long  hair — and  Carrie's  contrariness  was  forgotten, 
and  only  her  faithful  work  remembered  in  those  trying 
days  in  Kansas.  Tim  told  me  that  Grover  was  still 
very  sad  over  her  recent  bereavement,  and  that  she 
didn't  sing  the  song  of  the  Tennessee  Mocking  Bird 
with  the  same  expression  as  of  yore. 

At  Jefferson  City  we  secured  a  local  advertisement 
from  a  drygobds  concern  and  invested  the  money  in 
a  new  stock  of  pictures.  The  photographer  said  that 
the  picture  of  the  entire  outfit  was  good,  but  that  the 
one  of  Epaminondas  (we  had  one  of  him  taken  alone) 
lacked  animation. 

Said  I  to  him,  "You  go  up  to  the  studio  and  be 
Johnny  on  the  spot,  and  I'll  guarantee  to  give  you  all 
the  animation  you  want." 

Taking  the  little  rascal  in  my  arms,  I  carried  him 
up  a  flight  of  stairs  and  deposited  him  at  one  end  of 
the  studio  immediately  facing  the  camera.  It  was 
truly  ludicrous.  With  every  muscle  tense,  head  erect, 
eyes  glaring,  and  ears  pricked,  our  young  hero's  atti- 
tude indicated  the  following : 

"Well,  what  do  you  think  of  this?  Surely  this  is 
the  queerest  place  an  ass  ever  found  himself  in.  Pic- 


The  Arizona  Limited  109 

tures  on  the  wall,  yes,  and  this  stuff  on  the  floor;  and 
oh!  what  is  that  terrible  instrument  facing  me?  I 
wonder  if  my  long,  tall  friend  in  the  long,  tall  hat  will 
allow  me  to  be  murdered  in  cold  blood  ? 

"If  he'll  just  take  me  out  of  here  alive,  I'll  promise 
never  to  take  the  studs  again,  nor  will  I  ever  kick  at 
him  when  he  twists  my  tail.  Oh!  mamma,  mamma,  I 
want  my  mamma !  She'd  save  her  baby  boy  by  smash- 
ing that  infernal  machine  with  one  kick  of  her  nimble 
heels.  And  see  that  man  cover  his  head  with  a  black 
cloth,  yes,  and  he's  pointing  the  muzzle  directly  at  me, 

too.  Oh !  what  will  I  do — he'll  blow  me  to ." 

Click  went  the  machine  and  'twas  all  over. 

The  photograph  was  a  howling  success. 

July  twenty-fourth,  Tim  was  so  ill  with  cramps  in 
his  stomach  (possibly  the  result  of  my  excellent  (?) 
cooking)  that  he  was  unable  to  continue  the  journey 
until  the  afternoon.  The  man  at  the  west  side  of  the 
ferry  said  that  the  boss  wouldn't  be  over  until  four 
o'clock,  when  the  western  mail  would  be  brought  over. 
While  we  wait  I'll  tell  you  a  fish  story. 

If  I  hadn't  had  that  cherry  tree  story  about  George 
Washington  hammered  into  me  at  an  early  age  with  a 
shingle,  it  would  be  like  this : 

I  saw  many  large  fish  bobbing  around  in  the  river, 
and  to  while  away  the  tedious  hours  borrowed  a  fishing 
line  from  the  man  at  the  ferry.  I  cast  the  line  and  sat 
on  the  river  bank  to  await  results.  Possibly  half  an 
hour  had  elapsed  when  I  was  rudely  awakened  by  a 
terrible  jerk;  realizing  that  I  was  unable  to  cope  alone 


110  The  Arizona  Limited 

with  the  monster  of  the  deep,  without  a  moment's  hesi- 
tation the  line  was  wrapped  around  the  trunk  of  a  big 
tree  in  close  proximity.  I  called  lustily  for  Tim  to 
bring  Teddy  to  my  assistance.  I  thought  that  the  com- 
bined efforts  of  Tim,  the  strenuous  one,  and  myself, 
might  be  so  fortunate  as  to  bring  the  immense  catch  to 
terra  firma.  After  tugging  vigorously  with  might  and 
main  our  hopes  seemed  about  to  be  realized  when  the 
line  snapped  and  the  monster  escaped. 

However  I  cannot  tell  a  lie.  The  crazy  fish  bobbed 
all  around  my  line,  and  nary  a  bite  did  I  get  in  two 
long  hours.  Yes,  the  fish  were  left  in  the  Osage  river, 
and  they  can  bob  around  until  eternity  without  fear  of 
molestation  on  my  part. 

Four  o'clock  came  and  with  it  the  ferryman.  I  in- 
sisted on  his  ferrying  us  over  free  of  charge  but  he  de- 
murred. However  his  demurrer  was  overruled  by  my 
strong  arguments  in  favor  of  free  transportation  as 
follows : 

Firstly,  that  we  were  affording  the  people  at  large 
a  good  deal  of  free  entertainment,  and  that  it  was  our 
right  to  demand  help  and  assistance  from  the  people 
with  whom  we  came  in  contact. 

Secondly,  that  his  ferry  would  be  advertised  far  and 
wide  throughout  the  country. 

Thirdly,  that  we  had  no  money,  and  if  we  had  he 
wouldn't  get  any  of  it  as  it  was  needed  for  other  pur- 
poses; and  unless  he  ferried  us  across  the  river  we'd 
stay  right  there  and  live  on  the  country. 

The  last  one,  as  the  old  nigger  says,  "fotched"  him. 
He  couldn't  take  us  over  fast  enough,  for  he  saw  our 


The  Arizona  Limited  111 

hungry  eyes  feasting  on  his  nice  fat  chickens  strolling 
'round  the  barn  yard. 

While  journeying  along  the  road  we  scared  up  a  half 
grown  rabbit.  Hare  a  la  Limited  popped  into  my  nog- 
gin, and  the  thought  was  no  sooner  formulated  than 
bing!  Tim  and  I  were  in  hot  pursuit.  I  must  confess 
had  we  not  worked  the  flim-flam  on  poor  bro'  rabbit  he 
would  have  escaped.  When  one  of  us  became  ex- 
hausted after  turning  him,  the  other  would  take  up  the 
chase.  At  length  Tim  caught  the  little  fellow  and  he 
was  immediately  added  to  the  fresh  meat  supply  of  the 
Limited. 

Good  luck  always  runs  in  streaks.  Whenever  chick- 
ens were  caught  on  the  roadside  chasing  butterflies  I, 
who  pride  myself  on  being  prepared  for  all  emergen- 
cies, would  let  fly  at  them  with  a  rock.  Fortune  never 
favored  me  until  one  day  we  came  upon  four  wallowing 
in  the  dust,  when  letting  fly  with  a  stone  one  was  laid 
out  with  a  smack  on  the  side  of  the  head.  Chicken 
fricassee,  tourist  style  for  ours,  you  bet.  The  funny 
part  of  it  was  I  threw  at  one  chicken  and  killed  an- 
other. 

Tim  and  I  camped  under  some  trees  where,  while 
rolling  around  on  the  grass,  we  got  full  of  chigoes.  They 
are  tiny  little  insects  almost  invisible  to  the  naked  eye 
which  bury  themselves  under  the  skin.  Then  it's 
scratch — scratch — scratch — until  a  great  big  sore  arises ; 
oh !  it's  great  fun — for  the  chigoe. 

July  twenty-seventh  we  pushed  on  to  Gray's  Sum- 
mit where  that  evening  we  had  a  beautiful  camping 


112  The  Arizona  Limited 

place  in  a  patch  of  woods  that  lines  the  State  road.  Hav- 
ing lost  the  case  for  my  glasses,  I  put  them,  when  re- 
tiring for  the  night,  on  the  top  of  a  box  of  oatmeal, 
closed  and  carefully  covered  with  a  piece  of  canvas, 
never  dreaming  that  aught  would  molest  them  before 
morning.  However  I  failed  to  reckon  with  the  shrewd 
Teddy  Roosevelt  who,  no  doubt,  was  sleeping  with  one 
eye  open  under  an  adjacent  tree  and  observing  the 
whole  transaction. 

"]STow,"  thought  he  to  himself,  "after  the  boss  goes 
to  sleep  under  the  pale,  wan  moon,  I'll  sample  a  box 
of  that  wonderful  oatmeal  that  old  Carrie  says  is  so 
delicious.  I  am  tired  of  hearing  her  harp  on  that  old 
story  of  the  swell  midnight  lunch  she  and  poor  Mark 
Twain  had  one  night  down  in  New  Mexico.  It  will 
be  a  great  joke  on  Carrie  and  Grover  when  I  tell  them 
about  it  in  the  morning." 

Several  times  during  the  night  Teddy  was  chased 
away  from  the  schooner,  and  we  couldn't  imagine  why 
he  hung  around  the  rig.  The  next  morning  we  found 
out;  the  oatmeal,  box  and  all,  had  mysteriously  disap- 
peared. I  felt  a  sinking  of  the  heart  when  a  few  pieces 
of  pasteboard  were  found  strewn  on  the  ground.  I  was 
helpless  without  the  glasses  and  they  cost  four  times  as 
much  as  the  Limited  had  in  the  treasury  at  the  time. 
A  search  disclosed  the  glasses  pushed  carefully  to  one 
side  after  having  been  mouthed  considerably  but  un- 
broken; which  all  goes  to  prove  what  a  very  sensible 
fellow  our  Ted  was. 


The  Arizona  Limited  113 

"What  do  you  think  of  this,"  thought  T.  E.,  as  he 
pulled  the  top  off  the  box,  "here  are  the  boss's  glasses, 
and  I'll  push  them  to  one  side  for  the  old  boy  needs 
them.  It  will  do  me  no  good  to  break  his  glasses.  If 
that  vindictive  old  Carrie  Nation  were  here  she'd 
smash  them  to  even  up  old  scores,  but  as  for  me  there's 
nothing  like  that  in  my  mechanism;  I'm  above  such 
little  meannesses  of  the  soul  but  not  too  high  and 
mighty  to  enjoy  a  real  good  bait  of  oatmeal." 

July  thirty-first  we  reached  the  outskirts  of  St. 
Louis  where  we  decided  to  camp  until  Monday.  The 
next  day  my  old  friend  "Chicago"  came  out  to  the 
camp,  and  we  spent  a  very  pleasant  day. 

August  second  we  entered  the  city  and  created  quite 
a  sensation  in  the  down-town  district.  It  was  the  first 
large  city  we  had  had  the  Limited  in,  and  by  drawing 
such  immense  crowds  and  blocking  the  streets  we  nar- 
rowly escaped  arrest  several  times. 

The  team  was  quartered  on  Grand  street  at  a  livery 
stable,  and  Tim  and  I  slept  in  the  delivery  wagons 
under  the  shed. 

One  morning  I  awoke  spinning  down  Grand  street. 
The  driver  had  hitched  his  horse  to  the  rig  and  jumped 
on  the  seat,  all  unconscious  of  the  prize  package  he  was 
about  to  deliver  at  the  door  of  some  fashionable  west- 
end  residence.  When  aware  of  the  fact  he  halted  and 
allowed  me  to  dress,  and  I  took  up  my  bed  and  hiked 
back  to  the  stable. 

In  looking  for  employment  a  call  was  paid  the  man- 
ager of  Manufacturers'  Day,  and  he  engaged  the  Lim- 


114  The  Arizona  Limited 

ited  to  advertise  the  day  in  the  down-town  district  of 
St.  Louis  one  day,  and  the  following  one  to  come  to  the 
Fair  grounds  as  a  side  attraction.  At  the  Fair  an  im- 
mense throng  congregated  around  us  all  day  and  I 
repeatedly  mounted  the  schooner  and  regaled  our  ad- 
mirers with  stories  of  the  trip  across  the  western  plains, 
and  how  the  entire  outfit,  cart,  harness,  whiffletrees, 
bridles  and  bits,  everything  but  the  burros,  had  been 
manufactured  with  four  tools,  viz:  a  saw,  a  claw-ham- 
mer, wire  pliers  and  a  leather  punch.  We  were  cau- 
tioned against  selling  souvenirs  but  we  worked  a  game 
in  which  had  we  been  detected,  no  doubt,  would  have 
resulted  in  our  expulsion  from  the  grounds.  However 
"there  was  never  a  law  made  that  couldn't  be  fenced," 
and  we  fenced  that  one  by  putting  the  pictures  in  a 
gunny  sack,  and  having  those  who  wished  one  take  the 
picture  and  leave  the  money. 

An  immense  platform  had  been  constructed  on  the 
Plaza  on  which  the  carnival  was  held.  Late  in  the 
afternoon  on  looking  over  the  list  of  prizes  to  be  dis- 
tributed I  noticed  that  there  were  several  for  the  best 
mining  outfits,  the  first  being  fifty  dollars  in  gold. 
While  I  went  in  search  of  a  pick  and  shovel  Tim  made 
a  minature  pack  for  Epaminondas,  and  on  it  tied  a 
piece  of  blanket  and  the  canteen.  On  the  platform 
was  a  heterogeneous  company,  surely.  There  were  ele- 
phants, camels,  horses,  Rubes  dressed  in  the  most  ridic- 
ulous costumes,  Oriental  girls,  and  the  Arizona  Limited. 

The  Rube  who  took  the  first  prize  in  his  class  had  a 
white  pig  three  weeks  old  that  was  dodging  between 


The  Arizona  Limited  115 

his  legs  continually.  The  Rube  carried  in  his  pocket 
a  nursing  bottle  with  a  nipple  on  the  end,  and  ever  and 
anon  he'd  give  the  little  fellow  a  nip  of  milk  which  only 
served  to  whet  his  appetite  for  more.  The  pig  would 
grunt  and  squeal  to  beat  the  band;  it  was  too  comical, 
and  caused  a  great  deal  of  amusement  to  the  crowd. 

The  judges  called  your  uncle  Dudley  up  and  handed 
out  fifty  sheckels  in  gold.  Rich !  why  Rockefeller  with 
all  his  millions  never  in  his  life  felt  half  so  wealthy  as 
did  the  Limited. 

The  Post-Dispatch  made,  August  7th,  the  following 
comment : 

"Alcibiades-Pytts,  donkey,  made  his  debut  in  fast 
company  in  the  carnival  procession.  Alcibiades  was 
born  three  days  before  his  parents  and  his  master 
started  from  San  Francisco  to  the  World's  Fair  in  a 
prospector's  wagon.  Alcibiades  walked  all  the  way,  but 
never  did  he  meet  with  so  many  obstacles  as  he  did  on 
the  Plaza  platform. 

"He  tried  to  stay  next  to  his  mother,  but  maskers 
got  in  his  way  and  the  turns  were  hard  to  make  for  the 
little  unhitched  donkey." 

San  Francisco,  2,644  miles — 1,066  miles  New  York. 


116  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTEE  XIII. 

THE   LIMITED   BEFORE   THE    FOOTLIGHTS. 

The  Outfit  in  Litigation — The  New  Engineer — Advertising  a 
Commodity  in  the  City — Preparations  for  Leaving  St. 
Louis — A  Night  With  the  Mosquitoes — The  Rifle  Brought 
Effectively  Into  Action — The  Engineer  Displays  Mechanical 
Attainments  of  a  High  Order — An  Amusing  Incident  at 
Effingham,  111. — A  Turkey  Feast. 

The  week  following  "Manufacturers'  Day/'  we  made 
efforts  to  be  taken  into  the  Fair  as  a  side  attraction  for 
some  show.  The  Limited  received  offers  in  abundance, 
but  none  that  were  pecuniarily  advantageous.  I  then 
signed  a  contract  with  a  show  at  the  Odeon  theatre — 
Kiralfy's  "Louisiana  Purchase  Spectacle."  We  were 
featured  in  the  emigrant  scene,  which  represented  the 
Forty-niners  crossing  the  plains  to  the  gold  fields  of 
before  retiring  for  the  safety  of  the  party,  and  then 
Epaminondas  by  my  side,  I'd  lead  the  procession, 
closely  followed  by  the  rig  driven  by  Tim;  then  came 
the  actors  and  supers. 

After  several  songs  and  a  ballet,  prayer  was  offered 
before  retiring  for  the  safety  of  the  party,  and  then 
all  lay  down  except  Epaminondas  and  me.  We  did  a 
stunt  all  by  our  lonesome. 

I  would  spread  the  blanket  as  closely  as  possible  to 
the  footlights,  and  lay  the  gun  and  accouterments  be- 
side it;  then  I  would  take  Epaminondas  in  my  arms, 
carry  him  across  the  stage  and  put  him  on  the  blanket, 


The  Arizona  Limited  117 

when  he  would  lie  down,  allowing  me  to  use  him  for  a 
pillow.  Epam  and  I  never  failed  to  bring  down  the 
house.  During  all  the  shooting  and  yelling,  when  the 
Indians  attacked,  he  would  lie  perfectly  quiet;  but  at 
the  fall  of  the  curtain  he  would  rise  with  the  other 
actors.  Really,  I  believe  he  thoroughly  appreciated 
being  a  star,  and  enjoyed  it. 

When  our  engagement  terminated  at  the  Odeon  I 
wished  to  renew  it,  but  I  ascertained  that  Tim  was  dis- 
satisfied with  my  management.  He  was  badly  advised 
by  some  idle  fellows  around  the  stable,  and  hid  the  bur- 
ros and  schooner  in  a  private  stable;  and  several  days 
elapsed  before  I  found  them.  Replevin  proceedings 
were  instituted,  and  I  again  had  possession  of  the  outfit. 
However  before  the  action  came  up  for  trial  it  was 
compromised  by  the  payment  of  an  inconsiderable  sum 
to  Tim,  and  his  connection  with  the  Limited  was  sev- 
ered. 

When  the  smoke  of  battle  cleared — for  you  know 
full  well  that  a  law  suit  is  a  luxury — I  was  again  down 
and  out  financially.  All — every  cent — of  the  nice  stake 
made  at  the  fair  and  theatre  was  consumed  in  the  fire 
of  angry  passions.  For  several  days  during  the  con- 
troversy I  went  hungry,  but  the  burros  had  their  three 
meals  per  day.  On  relating  the  story  to  a  friend  he 
remarked : 

"But  it's  fine  stuff  for  your  book,  you  know." 

"Yes,"  was  my  reply,  "fin?,  indeed,  but  don't  you 
think  it  preferable  to  have  the  dope  come  in  install- 
ments, and  give  the  stomach  a  treat  occasionally  ?" 

8. 


118  The  Arizona  Limited 

The  acquaintance  of  a  Virginian  was  made  who  was 
on  his  uppers  for  fair.  He  had  been  working  for  a 
medicine  man  who  manufactured  medicine  and  sold  it 
from  a  cart  in  small  towns  in  Illinois  and  Indiana.  He 
made  formal  application  for  the  position  rendered  va- 
cant by  the  elimination  of  Tim,  and  after  due  consid- 
eration he  received  the  appointment  of  engineer  and 
mechanic  of  the  Arizona  Limited  Express,  the  emolu- 
ments of  his  office  to  be  one-third  of  all  he  could  graft. 
The  new  official  answered  to  the  name  of  Heine,  was 
highly  educated  and  spoke  several  languages  fluently. 

A  contract  was  procured  from  a  large  shoe  concern 
to  advertise  their  commodity  on  the  streets  of  St.  Louis 
in  the  business  district,  and  we  were  also  able  to  sell 
a  number  of  pictures  of  the  Limited,  and  a  button  bear- 
ing the  name  and  likeness  of  Epaminondas-Alcibiades- 
Pytts.  Every  day  at  luncheon  time  we'd  go  to  a  Ger- 
man restaurant  for  lunch,  and  the  old  frau,  who  owned 
the  place,  would  send  out  a  big  box  of  stale  bread  for 
the  burros,  of  which  they  were  very  fond.  The  old 
lady's  special  pet  was  Epaminondas,  and  his  portion 
was  always  milk  which  he  drank  from  a  pan  held  by 
the  old  dame  herself. 

The  last  few  days  of  our  stay  in  St.  Louis  were  spent 
in  preparations  for  the  trip  to  New  York.  I  was  pre- 
sented with  the  running  gear  of  an  old  buggy  to  which 
the  body  of  the  schooner,  lengthened  several  feet,  was 
transferred.  It  was  a  great  help  to  the  burros,  as  it  is 
next  to  impossible  to  equalize  a  load  on  a  two-wheel . 
cart  so  not  to  bear  heavily  on  their  necks.  Again,  the 


TJie  Arizona    Limited  119 

boxings  of  our  old  wheels  were  worn  to  a  frazzle  and 
could  not  have  possibly  lasted  more  than  a  couple  of 
hundred  miles. 

A  call  was  paid  "uncle  Iky,"  who  kept  a  three-ball 
shop  on  Olive  street,  and  negotiations  opened  for  a 
small  Winchester  that  carried  a  twenty-two,  long  or 
short ;  with  this  we  expected  to  keep  the  larder  of  the 
Limited  supplied  with  domestic  fowl  as  we  travelled 
athwart  the  middle  West.  Uncle  Iky  wanted  three 
dollars  for  the  rifle ;  I  offered  one,  and  we  compromised 
on  two. 

Heine  was  also  a  bugler,  and  a  good  one  too.  So  to 
have  all  of  his  talents  utilized,  a  bugle  was  purchased 
with  which  in  clarion  notes  the  people  could  be  notified 
of  the  Limited's  coming. 

Monday,  September  twenty-sixth,  we  wended  our  way 
over  the  Eads  bridge  into  East  St.  Louis,  thereby  termi- 
nating the  visit  that  promised  so  much,  started  so 
auspiciously,  and  ended  so  disastrously.  We  left  the 
city  in  the  same  financial  condition  in  which  we  entered 
it  eight  weeks  previous:  BROKE. 

The  first  night  out  the  camp  was  made  near  one  of 
the  Mississippi's  lagoons.  It  was  intensely  warm,  and 
I  lay  down  on  the  porch  of  a  chicken  house  in  the 
vicinity.  All  night  long  it  was  a  question  as  to 
whether  I'd  prefer  being  smothered  to  death  in  a 
blanket  or  consumed  bodily  by  the  mosquitoes.  And 
such  gallinippers !  For  size  and  viciousness  their  equal 
had  never  been  seen  by  me  in  Jersey,  Florida  or  the 
Dakotas.  Heine  had  had  his  battles  also,  for  the  in- 


120  The  Arizona  Limited 

terior  of  the  schooner  resembled  a  shambles  more  than 
anything  else. 

The  twenty-seventh  we  accomplished  only  ten  miles, 
owing  to  the  poor  condition  of  the  road  which  rivalled 
the  quagmires  of  the  Sunflower  state,  and  camped  near 
a  cornfield  which  afforded  us  choice  roasting-ears  for 
supper  and,  sad  to  relate,  proved  the  undoing  of  Heine. 
He  awoke  the  following  morning  really  ill.  Heine 
hadn't  had  sufficient  time  to  develop  the  stomach  of  a 
trans-continental  traveller,  that  is,  to  be  able  to  digest 
ten-penny  nails  with  the  heads  on. 

In  the  forenoon  a  large  and  juicy  opportunity  was 
afforded  us  to  try  our  Winchester  against  the  real  thing. 
A  number  of  young  spring  chickens  were  chasing  in- 
sects on  the  public  highway — foolish,  foolish  birds!— 
all  unconscious  of  the  approach  of  their  avowed  enemy, 
the  Arizona  Limited  Express,  with  its  death-dealing 
weapon.  On  our  approach  they  never  desisted  a  moment 
from  their  occupation-^-for  had  they  not  from  child- 
hood's earliest  hour  chased  June  bugs,  unmolested  from 
the  passing  vehicles? — and  one  proud  young  cockerel, 
bolder  than  the  rest,  halted  to  take  a  look  at  Epaminon- 
das.  "He  who  hesitates  is  lost."  While  speculating 
as  to  whether  he  had  better  run  from  that  queer  bit  of 
mule  flesh  or  treat  him  with  contempt,  an  eye  was 
trained  on  him,  yes,  the  eagle  eye  of  the  engineer  of 
the  Limited,  down  the  glistening  barrel  of  the  Winches- 
ter— Bing!  Alas,  for  poor  Master  Dominicker  who 
lay  fluttering  on  the  roadside  with  a  bullet  through  his 
neck,  his  bright  and  brilliant  career  as  a  Junebug 


The  Arizona  Limited  121 

catcher  brought  to  an  early  and  untimely  end !  A 
fraction  of  a  minute  sufficed  to  yank  off  his  head  and 
drop  him  into  a  bucket  which  hung  to  the  rear  part  of 
the  schooner. 

We  were  travelling  on  the  National  Road  which 
runs  parallel  to  the  Vandalia  line — part  and  parcel  of 
the  Pennsylvania  railroad.  I  was  kept  very  busy  tack- 
ing signs  of  a  tobacco  concern  of  Louisville,  Kentucky, 
for  which  we  received  the  sum  of  three  cents  each. 
Before  leaving  St.  Louis  the  manager  put  into  the 
schooner  a  bushel  of  tobacco  samples.  I  thought  it  good 
business  policy  to  exchange  the  weed  with  the  natives 
for  vegetables,  eggs,  bread,  et  cetera.  As  long  as  the 
samples  lasted  the  larder  was  kept  well  supplied  with- 
out foraging. 

One  afternoon  while  jogging  along,  a  most  remark- 
able feat  was  performed  by  a  horse  attached  to  a  buggy 
in  which  were  two  men  travelling  west.  The  horse,  on 
perceiving  the  Limited,  broke  to' one  side  on  a  dead  run, 
went  clear  over  a  two-strand  barbed  wire  fence,  drawing 
the  buggy  after  him  without  upsetting  it,  and  ran  'round 
and  'round  a  field.  Heine  and  I,  of  course,  thought  the 
horse  must  have  been  cut  badly  and,  when  the  man 
returned  to  the  road,  I  went  up  to  see  how  the  animal 
had  fared  and  to  offer  our  valuable  services  in  making 
needed  repairs  to  the  buggy  and  harness.  Would  you 
believe  it  that  an  examination  disclosed  not  a  single 
scratch  on  the  animal,  the  buggy  intact,  and  not  even  so 
much  as  a  strap  broken  on  the  harness  ? 

Saturday,  October  first,  we  camped  on  the  outskirts 
of  Vandalia  where  we  had  many  visitors  and  kept  the 


122  The  Arizona  Limited 

boys  busy  bringing  cakes,  pies  and  milk.  In  the  even- 
ing there  was  a  band  concert  in  the  city,  and  to  avoid 
having  the  burros  scare  the  passing  horses,  many  of 
which  were  driven  by  women,  they  were  taken  to  an 
orchard  in  the  vicinity  and  tied,  with  the  exception  of 
Epaminondas.  I  disliked  making  the  little  rascal  walk 
all  day  and  not  give  him  his  liberty  at  night.  He  was 
driven  in  the  orchard  with  his  mother  but  didn't  remain 
there. 

He  strayed  out  in  the  middle  of  the  road  and  nearly 
caused  a  runaway.  All  the  mule  species  dearly  love  to 
wallow  in  the  dust.  It  was  sufficient  to  scare  any  horse 
to  have  a  tiny  mule,  the  like  of  which  he  had  never  seen, 
rise  up  at  his  very  feet  like  Banquo's  ghost. 

October  second  was  a  beautiful  autumn  day,  and  as 
we  had  very  good  roads  eighteen  miles  were  covered. 
During  the  day  we  came  to  a  hill  the  descent  of  which 
was  impracticable  without  a  brake  to  assist  the  burros 
in  holding  back  the  schooner.  I  borrowed  an  auger 
from  a  farmer,  and  for  a  bar  Heine  selected  a  fence 
rail  which  he  sawed  to  the  proper  length.  This  we 
placed  underneath  the  rig  on  the  pieces  connecting  the 
front  and  rear  wheels,  and  immediately  in  front  of  the 
latter,  and  on  the  rail  was  tacked  the  blocks.  For  rub- 
bers the  soles  of  old  shoes  were  used.  Then  by  means 
of  wire,  rope  and  an  iron  ring,  Heine  made  a  pulley 
and  attached  it  to  a  lever  which  he  had  previously  made 
and  set  up  in  the  front  part  of  the  rig  by  the  driver's 
seat.  By  pulling  back  on  the  lever  with  moderate 
strength  the  rear  wheels  could  be  locked  so  effectively 


The  Arizona  Limited  123 

that  they  would  drag.  Heine  was  a  great  mechanical 
genius. 

When  driving  through  the  streets  of  Effinghain,  Illi- 
nois, we  met  a  party  of  ladies  and  gentlemen. 

One  inquired,  "Is  this  outfit  from  Virginia  ?" 

Imagine  their  surprise  when  I  told  them  we  were 
both  from  the  Old  Dominion.  The  announcement  was 
greeted  by  the  entire  party  with  roars  of  laughter.  Then 
we  were  let  into  the  joke  and  enjoyed  it  as  much  as 
they.  The  Illinois  family  had  some  relatives  from  Vir- 
ginia visiting  them  and  whenever  a  queer,  freaky  look- 
ing affair  was  seen,  to  twit  their  Virginia  cousins  some 
one  would  ask,  "Don't  that  remind  you  of  home  ?" 

We  pitched  the  camp  in  a  brickyard  and  after  tea 
the  people  we  met  in  the  afternoon  came  down  and  all 
had  a  fine  time  as  wood  was  plentiful  and  we  could  have 
a  jolly  big  fire.  We  spent  the  whole  forenoon  of  the 
following  day  at  their  residence,  and  when  we  left  they 
loaded  us  down  with  good  things  to  take  along. 

Near  Jewett  the  fast  Vandalia  Express  ran  into  a 
flock  of  half-grown  turkeys  and  killed  four.  The  poor 
lady  to  whom  they  belonged  was  heart  broken  over  her 
loss,  and  as  she  didn't  care  to  use  them  herself  I  gave 
her  two  pounds  of  tobacco  for  two  turkeys.  We  had 
shot  two  chickens  during  the  day  with  the  rifle,  so  there 
were  busy  times  around  the  campfire  that  night  pick- 
ing and  frying  fowls.  At  one  A.  M.  the  job  was  com- 
pleted and  we  had  a  supply  of  turkey  and  chicken  to 
last  several  days. 

San  Francisco,  2,770  miles — 940  New  York. 


124  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

YOUR   UNCLE   DUDLEY  WAS   THERE   WITH  THE   GOODS 
AND  SO  WAS  THE  COW. 

Terre  Haute — The  Pedestrian  Bested  by  a  Hoosier  in  an  Argu- 
ment— The  Ways  and  Means  Committee  of  the  Limited  Go 
Into  Executive  Session  at  Reelsville — Two  Adventurous 
Youths  Visit  the  Camp — 111  With  Malaria  at  Plainfield— 
Advertising  in  Indianapolis — The  Speech — A  Street  Fight. 

October  fifth  we  travelled  twenty  miles,  and  camped 
in  the  edge  of  a  wood.  Reveille  was  sounded  by  a  cow. 
While  Heine  made  a  fire,  I  grabbed  a  pail,  scouted 
around  in  the  gray  dawn,  and  located  the  bovine  on  the 
outskirts  of  the  woods.  It  had  been  many  years  since  I 
milked  a  cow,  and  at  first  glance  she  looked  to  be  a  very 
formidable  brute.  For  several  moments  we  regarded 
each  other — the  cow  fiercely  and  I  pleadingly.  For  a 
brief  space  I  was  in  a  quandary.  Shall  I,  thought  I  to 
myself,  or  shall  I  not  ?  "To  be  or  not  to  be,  that  is  the 
question."  I  disliked  very  much  returning  to  the  camp 
milkless,  to  be  laughed  at  by  Heine,  but  again  I  wasn't 
hankering  after  being  kicked  into  next  week,  gored  and 
possibly  killed.  Ah!  an  inspiration.  That  song  my 
dear  old  grandmother  used  to  sing  to  us  children,  back 
there  somewhere  in  the  mist  of  years,  arose  in  my 
memory :  "Say,  Tiny,  my  pretty  little  cow,  stand  still." 
My  pure  melodious  voice  broke  the  stillness  of  that  new- 
born day.  The  soulful  rendition  of  this  melody  had  the 
desired  effect,  for  before  the  completion  of  the  third 


The  Arizona  Limited  125 

stanza  "the  soft  and  limpid  brown  eyes/'  immortalized 
by  the  poets,  were  discernible.  That  cow  was  touched 
and  deeply  too. 

Approaching  with  the  stealth  of  a  panther  I  gently, 
oh !  so  gently,  touched  her  on  the  right  hind  leg.  Much 
to  my  relief  back  went  the  leg  and  down  went  I  upon 
my  knees — but  not  to  pray.  With  my  head  pressed 
against  her  flank  I  pulled  away  for  dear  life,  and  de- 
sisted only  when  a  quart  of  the  lacteal  fluid  had  been  ex- 
tracted. 

When  we  were  preparing  to  break  camp  the  old  lady 
to  whom  the  cow  belonged  appeared  on  the  scene  with 
pail  in  hand;  but  no  Tiny.  The  cow,  doubtless  think- 
ing she  had  done  her  morning's  duty,  or  possibly  to 
escape  another  song,  was  grazing  in  the  seclusion  of 
some  woody  dell. 

"Have  you  seen  my  cow  this  morning  ?"  she  inquired. 

"Yes-er-I  believe  there  was  a  cow-er-'round  here 
about  daybreak,  wasn't  there,  Heine?"  was  my  reply. 

As  the  old  lady  climbed  the  fence  to  search  for  the 
recreant  Tiny  she  muttered : 

"I  don't  know  what  has  gotten  into  Tiny ;  she  never 
acted  so  strangely  before." 

Doubtless  there  was  food  for  further  speculation 
when  the  milk  was  measured.  However,  had  we  known 
the  prank  would  cause  the  old  lady  so  much  trouble 
we'd  have  dispensed  with  milk  in  our  coffee. 

On  the  sixth,  after  journeying  twenty  miles,  the  camp 
was  pitched  near  a  sawmill  where  the  slabs  furnished 
us  ample  fuel  for  a  roaring  camp  fire  as  the  night  was 
quite  cold. 


126  The  Arizona  Limited 

In  the  morning,  before  breaking  camp,  several  chick- 
ens came  and  were  picking  where  the  bnrros  had  been 
fed.  Among  them  was  a  bright  red  cock,  a  proud,  fear- 
less young  thing,  and  thinking  he'd  adorn  the  skillet  I 
picked  up  the  Winchester  and  when  within  twelve  feet 
of  him  levelled,  aimed  and  fired.  Gee  Whiz!  That 
rooster  is  running  yet.  On  looking  'round  very  much 
disconcerted,  Heine  was  rolling  over  the  ground  in  a  fit 
of  convulsions  at  my  marksmanship. 

A  stop  of  several  hours  was  made  in  Terre  Haute, 
and  we  camped  six  miles  east  of  the  city.  Quite  an 
amusing  incident  happened  with  an  old  gentleman  who 
furnished  us  wood  and  water.  I  handed  him  the  button 
bearing  the  name  and  picture  of  Epaminondas-Alci- 
biades-Pytts,  with  the  remark : 

"Here  is  a  photograph  of  my  baby." 

The  old  fellow  looked  at  it  by  the  light  emanating 
from  the  camp  fire  and  said : 

"What  a  beautiful  child  it  is.  Where  is  the  mother 
now — in  San  Francisco  '?" 

"Grazing  out  there  on  the  roadside,"  was  my  answer, 
"take  another  peep." 

He  did,  and  "Oh!"  was  his  ejaculation. 

Later  in  the  evening  a  man,  who  from  appearances 
earned  his  daily  bread  by  manual  labor,  came  to  the 
camp  and  spent  several  hours  with  us.  He  was  far 
above  his  class  in  intelligence  and  conversational  powers. 

"Who  is  going  to  be  the  next  President  of  the 
United  States  ?"  I  asked. 

"Roosevelt,"  was  his  reply,  "by  an  overwhelming 
plurality." 


I 


The  Arizona  Limited  127 

"Are  you  a  Republican  ?"  was  the  next  inquiry. 

"Yes,"  he  answered. 

"Why  ?" 

You  should  have  seen  the  fellow.  With  flashing 
eyes  and  upraised  arm  he  exclaimed : 

"I  am  a  Republican  because  the  Republican  party 
has  for  the  past  forty  years  been  the  backbone  and 
sinew  of  the  country  in  both  war  and  peace."  And 
continuing  he  asked,"Why  are  you  a  Democrat?" 

"Blamed  if  I  know  unless  it's  because  my  grand- 
father was  one,"  was  my  answer. 

Ah!  it  was  the  middle  westerners  of  this  type  that, 
fifty  years  ago,  humbled  the  stars  and  bars  so  frequently 
in  the  West,  and  finally  brought  the  Confederacy  to  an 
end  on  the  field  of  Appomattox. 

One  evening  at  Reelsville  we  hurried  through  sup- 
per and  the  ways  and  means  committee  of  the  Arizona 
Limited  went  into  executive  session  to  consider  several 
momentous  propositions  affecting  the  welfare  of  the 
said  Limited.  I  was  chairman  of  the  committee,  Heine 
recording  secretary,  and  Epaminondas  sergeant-at-arms. 
The  little  burro  always  participated  in  the  councils. 

The  moment  he  finished  his  corn  he'd  sedately  walk 
over  to  the  camp  for  his  dessert,  a  handful  of  sugar 
which  he  would  eat  from  my  hand.  Very  strong  on 
sweets  was  Epaminondas.  Did  he  then  leave  and  spend 
the  remainder  of  his  recreation  in  idleness  or  in  search 
of  weeds  and  thistles?  Nay,  nay.  A  wise  one  was 
this  youngster  in  his  generation.  He  appreciated  good 
company,  Ahem!  He  would  place  himself  directly 


128  The  Arizona,  Limited 

over  the  camp  fire,  inhale  the  smoke  therefrom,  and 
assimilate  the  words  of  wisdom  which  frequently  came 
from  the  lips  of  the  chairman  and  the  secretary.  Ahem ! 

The  following  is  an  extract  from  the  minutes  of  the 
meeting : 

"Chairman  Harman,  sitting  on  a  fence  rail,  promptly 
at  eight  o'clock  P.  M.,  called  the  committee  to  order 
by  tapping,  gently  rapping,  on  a  tin  pan  with  a  spoon. 
The  secretary,  Heine,  was  present  in  his  usually  dis- 
graceful attitude  of  reclining  on  a  blanket.  Sergeant- 
at-arms,  Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts,  was  on  hand 
prepared  to  administer  a  simultaneous  right  and  left 
uppercut  to  the  jaw  of  any  intruder  on  the  delibera- 
tions of  the  august  body.  After  the  pros  and  cons  of 
several  propositions  had  been  discussed  Heine  was 
called  to  the  rail,  and  the  chairman  offered  the  follow- 
ing resolution : 

"WHEKEAS,  there  has  been  a  serious  falling  off  in 
the  proceeds  of  souvenirs,  the  sale  of  which  constitutes 
the  main  support  of  the  Arizona  Limited  Express,  and 

"WHEREAS,  wintry  weather  is  approaching  and  it 
is  necessary  to  procure  a  tent  and  a  stove  to  afford  pro- 
tection and  comfort  to  the  engineer  and  conductor  of 
the  said  Limited,  and 

"WHEREAS,  the  Chancellor  of  the  Exchequer  re- 
ports only  one  dollar  and  seventy  cents  in  the  treasury 
and  it  is  necessary  that  heroic  measures  be  adopted": 

"RESOLVED :  That  the  said  conductor  be  and  he  is 
hereby  ordered  by  this  committee  to  prepare  a  speech 
concerning  the  journey,  the  same  to  be  declaimed  by 
him  vociferously  on  the  street  corners,  roads  and  at  all 
available  public  places. 


The  Arizona  Limited  129 

"And  that  the  said  engineer  is  ordered  to  make  a 
board  which  will  show  off  to  advantage  the  souvenirs, 
and  is  further  ordered  to  pass  it  among  the  benighted 
natives  and  use  all  possible  means  to  separate  them 
from  a  portion  of  the  good  United  States. 

"And  the  said  Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts  must 
look  cute  on  all  occasions  when  on  exhibition,  and  eat 
everything  poked  at  him  by  the  boys;  with  the  single 
exception  of  barbed  wire  which  might  cause  serious 
complications." 

"The  resolution  was  passed  unanimously  by  the 
committee,  without  amendment. 

"(Signed)     M.  G.  HAKMAF,  Chairman. 
"By  the  Secretary,  Heine." 

When  Plainfield  was  reached  October  tenth  at  three 
o'clock,  I  was  too  ill  to  continue.  Heine  unpacked  the 
schooner  and  made  a  bed  in  it  to  which  I  went,  sore  and 
aching.  The  following  morning  the  nature  of  the  dis- 
ease was  disclosed.  Malaria,  that  malignant  enemy  of 
man,  had  me  in  its  toils  for  fair.  Did  I  shake?  Ask 
Heine.  The  old  schooner  rocked,  creaked  and 
groaned  like  an  old  bark  in  a  gale  at  sea,  and  the  cow 
bell  swinging  in  the  rear  of  the  schooner  kept  up  a  con- 
tinual ding-dong.  It  was  contracted  either  in  St. 
Louis  or  on  the  night  we  encamped  in  the  Mississippi 
river  bottom. 

All  day  long  I  lay  in  the  schooner  while  Heine  went- 
to  Indianapolis  for  some  medicine,  and  to  get  employ- 
ment for  the  Limited  for  a  few  days.  Late  in  the 
afternoon  he  returned  with  some  medicine  and  the  glad 
tidings  that  a  local  concern  would  give  us  employment 
for  four  days. 


130  The  Arizona  Limited 

Late  in  the  afternoon  two  youths  from  Indianapolis, 
Cyril  and  Marmaduke,  put  in  an  appearance  at  the 
camp.  Cyril  carried  a  small  rifle  on  his  shoulder,  and 
Marmaduke  was  "totin'  "  a  chicken  which  they  asked 
us  to  cook.  The  following  is  the  gist  of  the  youngsters' 
story.  Having  become  weary  of  school  and  desiring  an 
adventurous  life  in  the  "wild  and  woolly,''  they  had  left 
Indianapolis  the  previous  afternoon,  with  no  money. 
Their  sole  reliance  to  supply  them  with  sustenance  was 
placed  on  the  rifle.  The  night  was  passed  in  a  hay  barn 
and  in  the  morning  they  awoke  very  hungry.  Cyril, 
the  ETimrod  of  the  combination,  shouldered  his  rifle 
and  went  in  search  of  game.  He  drew  a  bead  on  a 
chicken  somewhere  down  the  road,  but  after  killing  it 
the  same  proved  a  white  elephant  on  their  hands,  as 
neither  of  the  boys  could  make  a  camp  fire  or  prepare 
the  fowl.  After  wandering  around  all  day  they  fortu- 
nately came  across  us.  Heine  and  I  regaled  them  with 
hard  luck  stories  of  the  road,  and  when  we  suggested 
paying  their  carfare  back  to  the  city  they  gladly  ac- 
cepted. I  think  their  experiences  will  hold  them  for 
a  while  and  that  Marmaduke  and  Cyril  will  be  content 
to  remain  a  few  years  more  on  the  paternal  roost. 

In  pursuance  of  the  order  of  the  ways  and  means 
committee,  the  speech  was  prepared  and  delivered  vari- 
ous and  sundry  times  while  in  Indianapolis.  It  ran 
about  like  this: 

"Ladies  and  Gentlemen :  On  the  eighth  day  of  Feb- 
ruary of  the  present  year  I  left  San  Francisco,  Califor- 
nia, on  a  pedestrian  tour  across  the  United  States  to 


The  Arizona  Limited  131 

New  York  City,  starting  with  a  single  three-cent  piece 
in  my  pocket.  After  encountering  almost  insurmount- 
able obstacles,  endurance  and  perseverance  landed  me 
in  your  beautiful  city  yesterday. 

"Fifty  miles  east  of  Albuquerque,  N.  M.,  the  Ari- 
zona Limited  Express  was  organized,  and  it  does  not  re- 
quire a  close  examination  to  perceive  that  both  schooner 
and  harness  are  hand-made.  The  former  engineer  and 
myself  accomplished  this  feat  with  the  aid  of  four  tools, 
viz:  a  saw,  a  claw-hammer,  wire-pliers  and  a  leather 
punch.  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  the  Limited  is  not  noted 
for  speed,  nor  have  we  ever  taken  a  prize  in  a  beauty 
show,  but  I  assert  without  fear  of  contradiction  that 
there  are  more  varieties,  kinds,  sizes,  shapes  and  colors 
of  asses  connected  with  it  than  can  be  found  in  any 
other  aggregation  in  the  world. 

"Permit  me,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  to  make  you  ac- 
quainted with  the  individual  members  of  the  Limited. 
On  the  nigh  side  stands  Teddy  Roosevelt,  the  embodi- 
ment of  strenuosity.  It  is  needless  to  add  he  is  vio- 
lently opposed  to  race  suicide  among  the  burros,  and, 
furthermore,  he  is  DEE-LIGHTED  on  all  occasions, 
but  especially  so  when  a  member  of  the  audience  pur- 
chases his  photograph. 

"In  the  centre  is  Grover  Cleveland.  It  requires  not 
a  close  examination  to  disclose  the  fact  that  Grover  is 
a  jinny.  But  old  Grover  always  was  right  much  of  an 
old  woman,  hence  the  name.  Grover  is  a  great  ducker, 
she  vetoes  vehemently  any  liberties  taken  with  her 
business  end,  and  one  of  the  engineer's  chief  duties  is 


132  The  Arizona  Limited 

to  prevent  the  old  dame  from  lapsing  into  innocuous 
desuetude.     Grover  drinks  very  little  water. 

"On  the  off  side  will  be  found  our  old  friend  Carrie 
Nation.  If  you  don't  believe  it,  walk  up  and  take  a 
look  at  the  original  Carrie  Nation  hatchet  attached  to 
her  bridle.  Our  Carrie  possesses  all  the  eccentricities 
of  her  notorious  namesake,  but  especially  are  her  smash- 
ing propensities  wonderfully  developed. 

"Now  you  are  about  to  be  introduced  to  the  most 
wonderful  little  ass  in  the  world.  Yes,  even  more  won- 
derful than  Balaam's  ass  which  argued  with  the  said 
Balaam  for  an  undeserved  licking.  Epaminondas-Alci- 
biades-Pytts  is  no  talker  but  he's  one  h —  -  of  a  walker. 
He  is  the  foal  of  Carrie  Nation  and  was  dropped  on  the 
twenty-first  day  of  May  at  Fort  Union,  N.  M.  He 
started  on  his  walk  the  next  day  after  his  birth,  and 
when  ten  weeks  of  age  he  hiked  into  St.  Louis,  a  distance 
of  twelve  hundred  miles.  Epaminondas,  in  addition  to 
his  walking  feat,  took  a  prize  of  fifty  dollars  in  gold  at 
the  World's  Fair  on  the  sixth  of  August,  and  a  week 
later  made  his  debut  before  the  footlights  in  Kiralfy's 
Louisiana  Purchase  Spectacle,  where  he  immediately 
became  a  star. 

"The  next  ass  on  the  program  is  Heine,  the  efficient 
engineer  of  the  Limited.  He  has  enjoyed  his  highly 
honorable  and  lucrative  post  a  short  time  only,  having 
joined  the  Limited  in  St.  Louis. 

"But,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  the  most  colossal  ass  of 
all  yet  remains  to  be  introduced.  (At  this  point  the 
speaker  gracefully  removes  his  sombrero,  and  smilingly 


The  Arizona  Limited  138 

bows  to  the  right  and  left) — myself — the  conductor  and 
originator  of  the  Arizona  Limited.  He  feels  a  delicacy 
in  enumerating  and  dwelling  upon  his  many  accom- 
plishments, so  will  leave  them  to  the  vivid  imaginations 
of  his  highly  intelligent  audience." 

There  was  usually  some  fresh  guy  in  the  audience 
who  thought  because  he  was  in  his  home  town  we  could 
be  insulted  with  impunity.  While  standing  on  Wash- 
ington street,  in  Indianapolis,  a  man  started  to  pick  a 
row.  Several  times  he  was  cautioned,  when  his  re- 
marks became  obnoxious,  to  leave  us  alone,  and  that  if 
he  persisted  there  surely  would  be  trouble.  He  finally 
called  me  a  liar.  I  removed  my  glasses  and  landed  on 
his  jaw.  However,  before  either  he  or  I  could  do  any 
serious  damage,  Heine  emerged  from  the  back  of  the 
schooner  like  a  catapult,  and  was  on  him.  One  blow 
of  his  fist  was  all-sufficient.  When  Mr.  Fresh  Guy 
came  to  his  senses  he  found  himself  lying  in  the  mid- 
dle of  the  car  track,  with  a  lump  on  his  cheek  the  size 
of  a  hen's  egg.  The  sympathy  of  the  crowd  was  with 
us,  and  several  gentlemen  gave  us  their  cards  and  said 
they'd  be  glad  to  testify  in  court  in  our  favor,  if  ar- 
rested. 

After  purchasing  a  tent  and  some  photographs  of  the 
Limited  we  left  the  city  on  October  sixteenth. 

San  Francisco,  2,227  miles — 783  miles  New  York. 


9. 


134  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTEE  XV. 

HEINE  MAKES  A  STOVE. 

A  Catastrophe  Narrowly  Averted — A  Runaway  Accident — Mala- 
ria— In  a  Lunatic  Asylum  at  Columbus — A  Bunch  of  Rol- 
licking, Frollicking  Girls — With  the  Red  Devils — The  Pedes- 
trian Gives  a  Driving  Lesson — The  Limited  Runs  Amuck  of 
a  Virago — A  Brilliant  Geographical  Scholar — In  Which  the 
Sheriff  of  Cadiz  County  Involuntarily  Assumes  the  Role  of 
Acrobat. 

After  procuring  a  tent  and  some  pictures,  the  treas- 
ury of  the  Limited  was  so  depleted  that  there  was  not 
sufficient  money  to  purchase  a  stove.  When  we  wanted 
anything  we  never  let  a  little  thing  like  lack  of  money 
hinder  us.  The  Limited  needed  a  stove,  just  had  to 
have  one.  So  we  got  a  roll  of  sheet  iron  and  a  box  of 
rivets,  and  on  reaching  Knight stown,  Ind.,  a  local  tin- 
smith was  asked  if  he  would  lend  us  his  tools  which  he 
very  surlily  refused  to  do.  However,  nothing  daunted, 
we  repaired  to  a  blacksmith's  shop,  and  the  proprietor 
allowed  us  to  work  there.  In  the  short  space  of  five 
hours  Heine  with  my  assistance,  designed,  cut  out  and 
riveted  the  parts  together.  It  was  a  bully  stove,  with 
lids  on  the  top,  and  the  nicest  little  oven  imaginable, 
and  sufficiently  large  to  accommodate  a  plump  western 
fowl.  Three  tools  only  were  used  in  its  manufacture, 
viz:  a  hammer,  cold  chisel  and  anvil. 

October  twentieth  the  Limited  passed  through  Rich- 
mond, Ind.,  and  while  there  the  proprietor  of  a  livery 


The  Arizona  Limited  135 

stable  gave  us  four  horse  blankets  to  cover  the  burros  at 
night.  The  camp  was  made  at  a  schoolhouse  just  over 
the  Ohio  State  line.  At  this  camp  we  came  near  losing 
another  member,  but  luckily  it  was  prevented.  The 
burros  had  been  allowed  to  graze  in  the  yard  for  a  time, 
but  before  retiring  the  three  old  ones  were  tied  to  the 
boughs  of  a  large  tree  in  close  proximity  to  the  tent. 
During  the  night  we  were  aroused — such  a  braying 
was  never  heard.  Thinking  some  animal  was  interfer- 
ing with  the  brutes,  I  rushed  forth  in  my  stocking  feet 
and  found  Epaminondas  lying  on  the  ground,  while 
Teddy  was  on  his  knees,  holding  the  small  jack  by  the 
throat  and  choking  the  life  out  of  him.  Ted's  hold  was 
broken  after  he  had  been  belabored  with  the  rifle. 
Epam  came  very  near  taking  the  short  route  to  burro 
heaven.  For  several  moments  after  Teddy's  grip  had 
been  broken,  the  little  burro  rolled  over  the  ground, 
gasping  for  breath  and  trying  his  level  best  to  bray. 
What  intelligent  brutes  these  burros  were.  Old  Carrie, 
knowing  full  well  that  her  youngster  was  being  killed, 
was  struggling  with  might  and  main  to  break  her  tether, 
and  at  the  same  time  braying  loudly  for  help.  Grover 
Cleveland,  purely  out  of  sympathy,  joined  in  the  chorus 
with  her  sweet,  resonant  voice. 

On  the  twenty-second  of  October  we  made  the  thriv- 
ing town  of  Dayton,  the  place  made  famous  by  the 
National  Cash  Register.  Ever  since  leaving  St.  Louis 
we  had  been  searching  for  a  nice  dog,  and  a  man  at  the 
last-named  point  presented  the  Limited  with  a  beautiful 
fox  terrier.  "It  never  rains  but  it  pours."  A  man 
named  Cooper  asked: 


136  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Don't  you  want  a  companion  for  your  dog  ?" 

"Trot  the  dog  out  and  let's  have  a  look  at  her,"  was 
my  reply,  "this  is  a  very  select  bunch  of  asses,  and  you 
can't  palm  off  on  the  Limited  just  any  old  thing." 

He  returned  bearing  a  very  funny  little  creature. 
She  was  the  embodiment  of  many  breeds — in  other 
words  a  mongrel — a  mixture  of  black  and  tan,  pug  and 
what  not.  She  looked  so  forlornly  pitiful,  and  as  she 
had  no  home,  the  gentleman  having  found  her  that 
morning  crouched  at  his  door,  we  gave  her  a  berth.  The 
fox  terrier  was  named  Daytonia  in  honor  of  the  city, 
and  the  mongrel  was  given  the  appellation  of  Cooperina. 

One  morning,  east  of  Springfield,  I  went  into  a  hay 
loft  to  lie  down  until  a  chill  passed  off.  After  several 
hours,  on  returning  to  the  rig,  I  found  Heine  and  a 
farmer  picking  up  the  remnants  of  a  buggy  which  were 
scattered  around  the  road.  The  following  was  Heine's 
account  of  the  accident: 

"After  feeding  the  burros  I  climbed  into  the 
schooner  and  commenced  a  letter.  So  engrossed  was  I 
that  the  first  intimation  I  had  that  anything  was  ap- 
proaching was  a  terrible  crash.  On  looking  out,  two 
men  were  observed  crawling  from  beneath  a  capsized 
buggy,  and  one  inquired  of  the  other: 

"Are  you  hurt?" 

"No,"  was  his  reply,  "but  dog-goned  scared." 

"And,"  Heine  continued,  "a  short  distance  from  the 
buggy,  the  horse,  a  treacherous  broncho,  was  lying  flat 
on  his  back  in  a  ditch,  kicking  and  struggling  franti- 
cally in  the  endeavor  to  extricate  himself.  We  were 


The  Arizona  Limited  137 

puzzled  for  a  time  as  to  the  best  method  to  get  the 
animal  up,  for  it  was  dangerous  to  go  near  him.  Finally, 
one  of  his  hind  legs  was  lassoed,  and  the  four  of  us 
dragged  him  out." 

The  weather  was  cold  and  a  drizzling  rain  had  set 
in,  and  how  I  was  enabled  to  accomplish  that  last  six 
miles  of  the  day's  journey  into  West  Jefferson,  God 
alone  knows.  My  temperature  rose  to  such  a  degree 
that  my  brain  became  addled,  and  the  only  incident  of 
the  walk  remembered  next  day  was  Heine  and  I  scrap- 
ping ;  he  wanted  me  to  get  into  the  rig  and  I  wouldn't. 

How  peculiar  is  this  disease  called  malaria.  One 
may  be  walking  along  feeling  all  right,  when  presto ! 
a  change.  Cold  chills  run  up  and  down  the  spinal 
column,  very  slight  at  first,  almost  imperceptible. 
Presently  a  slight  shiver  will  be  felt — then  a  big  one — 
a  shake — many  shakes — harder  and  harder  they  become 
until  the  teeth  begin  to  rattle,  and  finally  he  is  shaking 
and  racking  from  head  to  foot  as  though  his  very  body 
will  go  to  pieces.  Presto!  another  change.  The  chill 
gradually  lessens  in  its  intensity.  The  body  begins  to 
ache — the  victim  feels  stretchy  and  tired,  oh !  so  tired— 
the  throat  becomes  parched — the  brain  muddled,  and  the 
feet  are  as  though  leaden  weights  were  attached  to 
them;  every  step  is  a  herculean  task.  The  fever  usu- 
ally abates  after  a  few  hours,  when  the  victim  feels  well 
though  weak,  and  is  very  hungry,  for  while  the  attack 
is  on  food  in  any  form  is  nauseating. 

October  twenty-seventh  when  approaching  Columbus, 
Ohio,  we  saw  an  imposing  structure  situated  some  dis- 


138  The  Arizona  Limited 

tance  from  the  pike,  and  stopped  and  asked  a  funny 
little  old  man  what  it  was.  He  replied  that  it  was  the 
State  Asylum  for  the  Insane.  He  told  us  that  he  him- 
self had  been  a  boarder  for  twenty  years.  He  said  if 
I'd  go  up  with  him  he  would  introduce  me  to  the  au- 
thorities and  I  could  get  some  medicine.  I  left  Heine 
in  charge  of  the  Limited,  and  Luny  and  I  marched  up 
to  the  main  entrance,  opened  the  door  and  walked  in. 
In  the  hall  we  met  the  steward. 

"Mr.  Blank,"  said  my  nutty  friend,  "I  have  found 
my  long  lost  brother;  he's  sick  and  wants  some  medi- 
cine." 

The  expression  on  the  steward's  face  was  truly  ludi- 
crous. A  few  words  of  explanation  sufficed,  the  medi- 
cine was  procured  and  Heine  and  I  passed  the  re- 
mainder of  the  day  as  a  guest  of  the  steward. 

In  Columbus  the  burros  were  quartered  in  a  stable 
immediately  in  the  rear  of  the  five  and  ten-cent  store. 
At  noon  a  number  of  girls,  having  read  in  the  papers 
of  our  adventurous  journey  across  the  continent,  came 
down  to  see  the  schooner,  burros,  and  incidentally,  of 
course,  the  engineer  and  conductor.  What  a  merry  hour 
we  had !  Away  back  in  muddy  Kansas  people  com- 
menced writing  their  autographs  both'  on  the  in  and 
outside  of  the  canvas  covering  the  schooner.  After  our 
fair  visitors  had  scribbled  their  names,  a  hike  back  to 
the  store  was  taken,  and  each  returned  with  a  souvenir 
with  which  they  decorated  the  interior  of  the  rig  until 
it  resembled  a  booth  in  a  church  fair. 

One  little  girl,  God  bless  her!  presented  me  with  a 
tiny  skillet  with  the  remark: 


The  Arizona  Limited  139 

"I  was  so  sorry  to  hear  that  you  have  malaria,  Mr. 
Harman.  I  brought  this  small  skillet,  for  sometimes 
when  you  are  feeling  badly  and  only  want  an  egg  you 
can  use  this." 

I  was  so  touched  by  this  act  of  kindness  that  she  was 
presented  with  a  photograph  of  Epaminondas-Alci- 
biades-Pytts  on  the  spot.  The  fellow  that  gets  that  girl 
will  be  a  lucky  dog.  However,  the  chances  are  she  will 
hook  up  with  a  brute  of  a  man  incapable  of  appreciating 
God's  choicest  creation — a  woman  with  a  heart  of  pure 
gold. 

One  venturesome  young  lady  fell  head  over  heels  in 
love  with  Teddy  Koosevelt  and  insisted  on  riding  the 
strenuous  one.  We  tried  to  dissuade  her,  for  the  only 
way  that  feat  could  be  accomplished  was  to  grasp  his 
ear  with  one  hand  and  his  tail  with  the  other,  and  hold 
on  for  dear  life.  Teddy  was  a  bucker  from  your  heart. 
If  he  failed  to  dislodge  the  rider  by  bucking,  he'd  lie 
down  and  roll  him  off.  However  she  was  game,  and 
with  Heine  on  one  side  of  her  and  me  on  the  other,  we 
started  down  the  alley  with  Ted  bucking  at  every  jump. 
How  the  other  damsels  shrieked  with  laughter.  When 
opposite  the  stable  door  Teddy  with  a  supreme  effort 
threw  the  lady,  and  fortunately  she  landed  in  my — 
shall  I  say  reluctant? — arms,  where  she  rested  for  a 
brief  moment,  palpitating  and  panting  against  my 
manly  heart — oh,  fudge ! 

The  Limited  joined  the  Red  Devils  on  Saturday, 
October  twenty-ninth.  A  Cincinnati  concern,  which  was 
putting  a  brand  of  tobacco  on  the  market,  had  a  big 


140  The  Arizona  Limited 

parade  with  a  number  of  men  on  horseback  dressed  as 
red  devils.  A  ten  dollar  william  induced  us  to  partici- 
pate. 

"I  won't  dress  you  fellows  up  as  devils,"  said  the 
manager,  "for  no  suggestion  of  mine  could  make  you 
look  more  like  the  devil  than  you  do  now." 

We  wandered  around  the  streets  all  day  at  the  tail 
end  of  the  procession.  Heine  drove,  and  blew  the  bugle, 
while  I,  wrapped  in  a  red  blanket,  Indian  fashion,  with 
Epaminondas  by  my  side,  followed  behind  the  schooner. 

While  travelling  just  east  of  Columbus,  we  met  a  fel- 
low taking  his  best  girl  out  driving.  From  the  Lizzie 
fashion  in  which  he  was  holding  his  lines  I  knew  that 
he  was  no  horseman,  so  Heine  was  told  to  stop  and  lead 
the  horse  by.  However  before  the  latter  could  reach  the 
nag,  he  commenced  to  back,  and  the  man  deliberately  sat 
there  and  allowed  the  horse  to  upset  the  buggy  and 
throw  both  the  occupants  out.  After  the  buggy  had  been 
righted,  and  the  occupants  picked  up  and  dusted  off,  I 
inquired : 

"In  the  name  of  common  sense  man,  why  didn't  you 
lay  the  whip  on  him  ?" 

"I  was  afraid  he'd  jump,"  was  the  astonishing  reply. 

"Jump !  I  guess  he  would  jump,"  was  the  rejoinder, 
"that  is  what  a  whip  is  for.  I'd  rather  he  would  jump 
twenty  times  than  have  a  beautiful  young  lady  thrown 
out  into  the  dusty  road  when  dressed  in  her  best  bib 
and  tucker." 

I  jumped  into  the  buggy,  gathered  up  the  lines  and 
called  to  Heine  to  turn  the  horse  loose.  When  within 


Walking  From 
Ocean  to  Ocean 


Virginian  Walks  Across  Continent  t 
Gather  Book  Material. 


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FAC -SIMILES. 


The  Arizona  Limited  141 

fifty  yards  of  the  schooner  he  tried  the  backing  game 
with  me,  but  after  being  "tetched"  up  a  few  times  the 
old  skate  was  only  too  glad  to  go  forward  just  any  old 
pace.  We  whisked  by  the  Limited  like  greased  light- 
ning. Look?  He  didn't  have  time,  for  the  lash  was 
descending  mercilessly  on  his  flank.  You  should  have 
seen  the  look  of  disgust  with  which  the  girl  regarded 
her  admirer.  If  he  ever  had  a  chance  with  the  girl,  it 
was  dollars  to  doughnuts  he  lost  out.  The  philosophy 
of  the  proposition  is  very  simple.  You  make  it  so 
warm  for  the  horse  that,  as  he  can  think  of  one  thing 
only  at  a  time,  he  forgets  what  is  in  front  to  scare  him. 

Wednesday  morning,  November  second,  we  travelled 
sixteen  miles,  the  camp  being  made  near  Cambridge, 
Ohio.  At  the  last  named  point  we  left  the  National 
road,  to  travel  via  Pittsburg. 

While  moseying  along  the  road  one  afternoon  some 
boys  joined  us,  going  home  from  school.  We  had  had 
school  children  many  times  walk  with  us,  and,  away 
back  in  Colorado,  examinations  to  ascertain  Young 
America's  knowledge  of  his  country.  Sometimes  'twas 
on  history  and  at  others  on  geography — just  to  ascer- 
tain, you  know,  if  the  school  teacher  was  earning  her 
salary.  For  blissful  ignorance  unquestionably  the  palm 
belonged  to  a  big  strapping  lad  of  fourteen  years,  called 
Chester. 

"Where'd  yer  come  from  ?"  he  inquired. 

"I  am  walking  from  San  Francisco  to  New  York 
City,"  was  the  reply.  "Do  you  know  the  distance  be- 
tween the  two  cities  ?" 

"Nope." 


142  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Can't  you  tell  about  the  distance  from  the  Atlantic 
to  the  Pacific  ocean?"  was  the  next  question. 

"Dunno,"  was  his  answer. 

"Do  you  know  where  California  is  situated  ?" 

"In  the  West/'  he  replied. 

"Yes,  it  is  in  the  West,  but  that  section  of  the  coun- 
try is  a  big  place,"  was  my  reply.  "What  part  of  the 
West?" 

"I  dunno." 

"Where  is  New  York?"  was  the  next  inquiry. 

"Yer  got  ine,"  answered  Chester. 

"Is  Arizona  in  the  West  or  East  ?" 

"West,"  he  replied. 

"Bound  it." 

"Arizona  is  bounded  on  the  east  by  Kansas,  on  the 
north  by  Canada,  on  the  south  by  the  Indian  ocean, 
and  on  the  west  by  the  Pacific." 

At  this  point  the  examination  was  discontinued.  The 
teacher  was  riding  on  horseback  in  rear  of  the  schooner, 
and  while  I  was  negotiating  a  deal  at  a  farm  house 
for  a  jar  of  buttermilk  she  rode  up  to  the  stile  and  dis- 
mounted. 

"Are  you  Chester's  teacher?"  I  inquired. 

"Yes,"  she  answered. 

"Do  you  want  to  teach  this  school  another  session  ?" 
was  the  next  inquiry. 

"Certainly,  why  do  you  ask?" 

"Well,"  said  I,  "if  Chester  is  as  brilliant  in  his  other 
studies  as  he  is  in  geography,  take  a  tip  from  a  friend, 
and  when  the  school  board  comes  get  him  out  of  the 


The  Arizona  Limited  143 

way.  Put  him  in  a  closet  or,  better  still,  give  him  a 
vacation  to  lie  under  the  shade  of  the  old  apple  tree. 
For  if  any  member  of  the  board  should  ask  Chester  to 
bound  Arizona,  you  are  lost." 

It  was  quite  dark  before  a  suitable  camping  place 
was  reached,  near  the  settlement  of  Cassville.  Of 
course  it  wasn't  incumbent  on  me  to  ask  Mr.  Jay's  per- 
mission to  camp  on  the  public  highway,  but  as  the  spot 
selected  was  in  close  proximity  to  his  residence  as  a 
matter  of  courtesy  I  inquired  if  he  had  any  objection 
and  he  said  none  whatever. 

While  unhitching  the  burros  Mrs.  Jay  appeared  on 
the  veranda.  Then  the  fun  began — for  Mr.  Jay.  The 
old  virago  shrieked  in  a  highly  pitched,  rasping  voice: 

"So  you,  Mr.  Jay,  you  gave  these  gypsies  permission 
to  camp  here.  This  is  my  house  and  my  farm,  and  if 
these  creatures  stop  here  to-night  don't  you  dare — don't 
you  dare,  sir,  to  ever  cross  my  threshold  again.  You 
walk,  Mr.  Jay,  do  you  understand,  you  walk!" 

"They  are  not  gypsies,  but  gentlemen,"  she  con- 
tinued, repeating  the  old  fellow's  opinion  of  us,  "yes, 
pretty  gentlemen  they  are  to  be  sure!  They'll  steal 
everything  on  the  place  before  morning.  Don't  you 
dare,  Mr.  Jay,  don't  you  dare!" 

Then  the  old  fury  whisked  back  into  the  house.  The 
foregoing  harangue  was  accentuated  by  gesticulations 
more  eloquent  than  words — for  the  future  comfort  and 
welfare  of  Mr.  Jay. 

Poor  man!  We'd  have  camped  there  if  only  to 
spite  the  old  hag,  but  the  backboneless  specimen  of 
manhood  said: 


144  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Boys,  you  had  better  move  on;  she  means  every 
word  she  says." 

We  were  too  considerate  to  have  the  old  man  lose  his 
happy  home  for  us.  How  many  times  do  you  suppose 
Mr.  Jay  had  been  informed  that  it  "is  my  house  and 
my  farm  ?"  Doubtless  as  frequently  as  there  are  rail- 
road ties  between  New  York  and  San  Francisco.  If  I 
were  Mr.  Jay  and  so  unfortunate  as  to  be  married 
to  Mrs.  Jay,  I'd  do  what  a  railroad  conductor  said  he'd 
do,  once  upon  a  time,  when  in  an  altercation  over  a 
railroad  ticket  with  a  very  positive  and  high-tempered 
woman.  She  said : 

"You  are  the  meanest  man  I  ever  saw  and  if  you 
were  my  husband  I'd  poison  you." 

"Madam,"  replied  the  imperturbable  conductor,  "were 
I  your  husband  the  opportunity  wouldn't  be  afforded 
you  to  administer  the  dose — I  would  take  the  poison 
voluntarily." 

We  pushed  on  to  the  village,  leaving  Mr.  Jay  to  his 
fate,  and  camped  on  a  vacant  lot  in  the  vicinity  of  the 
town.  While  pitching  the  tent  some  one  in  the  crowd 
that  gathered  around  stole  Daytonia.  We  were  very 
sorry  to  loose  her  as  she  was  an  affectionate  little  brute, 
but  not  so  smart  as  the  mongrel  Cooperina. 

One  afternoon  while  travelling  east  of  Cadiz,  Ohio, 
we  met  a  man  at  the  summit  of  a  long  steep  hill,  travel- 
ling westward  in  a  buckboard  and  driving  a  fiery  gray 
horse.  The  nag  no  sooner  laid  eyes  on  the  Limited  than 
he  wheeled  so  suddenly  that  the  man  was  dislodged 
from  his  seat,  performed  a  series  of  revolutions  in  the 


The  Arizona  Limited  145 

atmosphere,  and  terminated  his  acrobatic  feats  by 
standing  in  the  centre  of  the  road  on  his  head.  We 
thought  his  neck  was  broken,  for  surely  never  did  man 
get  a  harder  fall  from  such  a  slight  distance.  He  was 
for  a  time  stunned  and  there  was  a  gash  on  his  head, 
but  he  was  more  scared  than  hurt.  He  proved  to  be  the 
sheriff  of  Cadiz  county. 

San  Francisco,  3,215  miles — 495  miles  New  York. 


146  The  Arizona  Limited 

CHAPTEK  XVI. 

FORDING  THE  OHIO  RIVER  AT  STEUBENVILLE. 

The  Limited  Travels  in  Three  States  in  the  Course  of  a  Single 
Day — Pittsburg — The  Pedestrian  Referees  a  Sanguinary 
Conflict — The  Clouds  Again  Lower  Around  the  Limited — A 
Sweet  Samaritan — A  Jolly  Bunch  of  School-Marms  at  Ebens- 
burg — Arrested  in  Altoona. 

When  we  reached  Steubenville,  November  fifth, 
there  was  only  twenty-three  cents  in  the  treasury,  and 
a  resident  who  visited  the  camp  said  the  charge  for 
ferrying  the  river  was  twenty-five.  However,  we  had 
no  idea  of  being  held  up  by  the  price  of  a  postage 
stamp.  We  went  into  town  and  sold  seven  dollars  worth 
of  pictures. 

Heine  and  I  became  panicky  when  the  old  ferryman 
said,  owing  to  the  low  water,  he  could  ferry  the  outfit 
only  half  way  across.  If  there  is  one  thing  a  burro 
detests  more  than  another  it  is  water — in  that  respect 
like  a  Kentucky  colonel.  The  burros  are  exceedingly 
timid  when  in  the  water,  for  it  is  impossible  for  them 
to  see  where  they  are  placing  their  feet.  On  coming  to 
anchorage  in  mid-stream  the  engineer  made  a  minute 
examination  of  the  gearing  and  harness;  and  all  the 
numerous  pots,  pans,  kettles  and  the  stove,  which,  while 
travelling  the  roadways  hang  from  the  rear  of  the 
schooner,  were  stored  securely.  It  required  the  com- 
bined strength  of  Heine,  the  ferryman  and  myself  to 


The  Arizona  Limited  147 

push  the  burros  down  the  incline  of  the  boat  into  the 
water.  What  a  time  we  had  I  The  cringing,  frightened 
burros  refused  to  pull  in  unison,  but  Heine  with  a  deal 
of  yelling  and  whipping  managed  to  keep  them  in 
motion.  I  was  perched  on  the  rear  of  the  wagon,  pull- 
ing Epaminondas  through  the  water  by  a  rope  which 
was  attached  around  his  neck,  and  Cooperina  was  bark- 
ing for  dear  life.  Carrie's  hind  legs  slipped  off  a  large 
stone  and  the  old  dame  took  a  seat  in  the  middle  of  the 
river.  It  was  quite  swift  in  places  and  rather  deep,  and 
on  one  occasion  the  water  came  within  two  inches  of 
running  into  the  schooner,  and  Epaminondas  took  his 
first  swimming  lesson.  Finally  the  West  Virginia 
shore  was  reached,  much  to  the  relief  of  all  the  mem- 
bers, and  the  only  loss  sustained  by  the  Limited  was 
the  water  bucket  which  was  torn  loose  from  its  fasten- 
ing. We  were  not  long  in  crossing  the  Pan-handle  of 
West  Virginia,  at  that  point  only  seven  miles  wide.  One 
day  we  journeyed  in  three  states,  Ohio,  West  Virginia 
and  Pennsylvania. 

One  morning  when  approaching  the  limits  of  Pitts- 
burg  we  came  to  a  long,  steep  hill,  and  the  road  wound 
around  it  like  the  letter  S.  Heine  took  the  schooner 
down  in  a  gallop  and  left  me  far  in  the  rear.  Epami- 
nondas started  with  the  rig,  but  I  presume  he  stopped 
in  his  mad  career  to  pick  a  few  choice  morsels  on  the 
roadside — a  great  failing  of  his.  What  was  my  aston- 
ishment, on  turning  one  of  the  sharp  curves,  to  observe 
the  little  donkey  walking  back  to  meet  me.  When 
Epaminondas  saw  me  he  stopped,  and  on  my  coming 


148  The  Arizona  Limited 

up  to  him  turned  in  his  tracks  and  followed  me.  If 
the  little  rascal  was  as  adept  with  his  tongue  as  was 
Balaam's  ass  he'd  have  said: 

"I  got  a  little  balled  up,  old  sport,  and  didn't  know 
which  was  the  right  direction."  He  was  a  comical 
hrute  if  there  ever  was  one. 

November  tenth  we  travelled  out  of  the  Smoky  city 
in  a  pouring  rain.  It  was  quite  dark  when  Wilkens- 
burg  was  reached  and,  after  slipping  around  in  the  mud 
for  an  hour  or  more,  we  made  a  parson's  house  who 
allowed  us  to  camp  on  the  premises  and  sleep  in  the 
barn. 

One  evening,  at  Murraysville,  when  Heine  and  I 
were  taking  our  after-dinner  smoke  around  the  stove,  a 
great  braying  and  kicking  reached  our  ears  and  run- 
ning out  of  the  tent  we  saw  Carrie  and  Grover  locked 
in  deadly  combat.  The  stake,  it  was  thought,  was  the 
affections  of  Teddy  Roosevelt.  He  had  been  pay- 
ing marked  attention  to  Grover  who  was  growing  kit- 
tenish and  playful  in  her  old  age,  and  Carrie,  the 
scorned  matron,  took  matters  in  her  own  hands.  Epa- 
minondas  was  in  his  mother's  corner,  while  the  faith- 
less Teddy  officiated  as  a  second  for  Grover.  The  fol- 
lowing is  the  fight  by  rounds  as  seen  by  the  referee : 

Ringside,  Murraysville,  Pa.,  November  llth,  time, 
6.02  P.  M.  Round  one:  Carrie  landed  a  terrific 
right  on  Grover 's  short  ribs — Grover  broke  ground  and 
grunted — Carrie  squealed  with  delight  and  followed 
up  her  advantage — Grover  ducked  a  vicious  jolt  for 
the  jaw — Grover  led  for  Carrie's  stomach  and  missed 


The  Arizona  Limited  149 

— Carrie  led  for  the  body — Grover  side-stepped.  At 
the  sound  of  the  gong  Carrie  was  following  Grover 
around  the  ring  endeavoring  to  land  a  knockout,  while 
the  footwork  and  ducking  of  Grover  were  truly  remark- 
able. 

Bound  two:  Grover  opened  the  round  by  landing  a 
simultaneous  right  and  left  to  the  head — Carrie  rushed 
and  bit  Grover  on  the  neck — Carrie  landed  two  telling 
body  blows — Grover  was  plainly  groggy — Carrie 
chased  Grover  clear  out  of  the  ring. 

The  referee  didn't  award  the  victory  to  Carrie,  for 
it  was  against  the  Pennsylvania  law  to  award  decisions 
in  ring  battles.  However,  the  smasher  was  left  in  un- 
disputed possession  of  the  ring,  after  administering  a 
solar  plexus,  a  la  Fitzsimmons,  to  the  faithless  lover. 
At  eight  thirty  Grover  was  consoling  herself  for  the 
double  loss,  Ted  and  the  battle,  with  a  bunch  of  dried 
weeds.  Carrie  and  Teddy  were  chumming,  each  hav- 
ing forgiven  the  other.  It  is  thought,  after  his  severe 
chastisement,  that  Teddy  will  carry  on  all  future  flirta- 
tions sub  rosa.  Epaminondas  was  so  elated  at  his 
mother's  victory  that  he  chased  himself  around  the  lot 
three  times. 

November  twelfth  we  camped  in  the  Allegheny 
mountains  at  a  school  house.  The  next  morning  before 
breakfast  I  experienced  a  very  severe  chill  and  was  com- 
pelled to  seek  the  feathers.  All  day  long  I  lay  there 
tossing  with  fever  but  was  not  too  ill  thoroughly  to 
appreciate  the  serious  predicament  of  the  Limited.  At 
ten  o'clock  a  snowstorm  set  in  which  didn't  have  a 

10. 


150  The  Arizona  Limited 

tendency  to  lessen  my  anxiety  for  the  successful  com- 
pletion of  the  journey.  We  were  still  over  four  hun- 
dred miles  from  New  York — the  provisions  low — no 
feed  for  the  burros — less  than  a  dollar  in  the  exche- 
quer, winter  setting  in,  and  I  flat  on  my  back  with 
malaria.  It  was  sufficient  to  make  the  stoutest  heart 
faint.  However,  we  were  among  kind-hearted  folk, 
and  when  it  was  remarked  that  I  was  ill  the  farmers 
came  to  camp,  each  bringing  something  for  our  com- 
fort. Wine,  cake,  bread  in  plenty  (good  old  homemade 
bread  baked  in  a  brick  oven)  and  milk.  One  of  the 
visitors  brought  his  little  girl,  and  she  was  the  most 
pleased  youngster  you  ever  saw  when  Epaminondas 
came  into  the  tent  and  allowed  the  little  miss  to  put 
her  arms  around  his  neck  and  hug  him.  Then  Epam 
was  made  to  lie  down,  and  the  little  damsel  took  a  seat 
upon  him.  He  lay  there  perfectly  still  and  blinked  up 
at  her  as  much  as  to  say: 

"I  am  deeply  conscious  of  the  high  honor  done  me." 

"Poor  little  fellow,"  said  I,  "he  wants  his  dinner  and 
he  has  come  to  make  a  personal  investigation  as  to  why 
he  hasn't  got  it.  A  mule's  stomach  is  the  best  clock  in 
the  world." 

"Haven't  the  burros  had  their  dinner  ?"  inquired  the 
visitors. 

"No,"  was  the  reply,  "we  gave  them  all  the  oats  we 
had  for  breakfast." 

Then  he  told  Heine  to  come  to  his  place  and  he'd 
give  him  all  the  oats  and  corn  he  could  carry.  As  a 
matter  of  fact,  the  opportune  appearance  of  Epaminon- 


The  Arizona  Limited  151 

das  was  a  put  up  job.  Any  one  who  could  resist  Epa- 
minondas  had  a  heart  of  stone.  The  first  consideration 
was  always  the  welfare  of  my  faithful  companions.  It 
has  been  said  of  a  burro  that  he  can  suck  the  rail  of  a 
fence  and  keep  in  fair  condition,  but  none  of  that  for 
mine.  On  only  two  occasions  had  they  missed  their  grain 
and  then  it  was  unprocurable.  Never  can  I  forget  how 
they  lingered  around  the  camp,  emitting  a  bray  occa- 
sionally and,  with  pleading  eyes,  looking  for  something 
that  never  materialized.  Never  again  did  little  Willie 
stand  at  the  bar  of  justice — the  accusing  eyes  of  the 
dumb  brutes — and  plead  guilty.  When  we  had  money 
the  grain  was  bought;  when  the  treasury  was  low  we 
went  foraging. 

One  farmer  insisted  that  if  I  was  not  better  by  morn- 
ing I  should  go  to  his  house  until  strong  enough  to  re- 
sume the  journey.  It  was  certainly  very  kind  of  him 
and  he  was  thanked  most  heartily. 

One  day  I  stopped  at  a  blacksmith's  shop  to  take  a 
rest  and  smoke.  The  smith  was  shoeing  a  horse,  a  big 
country  lad  holding  the  bridle.  Naturally  the  three  of 
us  discussed  the  walk.  The  young  fellow  finally  asked : 

"What  is  your  final  ' desieniatiorf  ?" 

While  inwardly  exploding  with  laughter  I  replied 
without  cracking  a  smile: 

"New  York  City." 

Another  time  I  met  a  man  who  inquired  if  I  was 
walking  on  a  "wafer" — meaning  wager. 

November  seventeenth,  having  suffered  a  severe  chill 
in  the  morning,  I  sent  Heine  on  with  the  rig  to  travel 


152  The  Arizona  Limited 

as  far  as  possible,  camp  late  in  the  afternoon  and  wait 
for  me  to  overtake  him  before  breaking  camp.  At  this 
time  every  hour  was  precious  as  we  were  more  than 
three  hundred  miles  from  New  York,  and  the  weather 
was  getting  cold  and  stormy.  After  the  chill  passed  I 
walked  fifteen  miles  into  the  little  town  of  Armagh, 
where  I  learned  at  the  country  store  that  the  Limited 
had  passed  through  several  hours  before  my  arrival. 
Quite  a  number  of  people  gathered  to  be  regaled  with 
stories  of  my  travels,  and  there  were  three  young  ladies 
who  seemed  to  derive  a  great  deal  of  amusement  there- 
from. The  merchant  was  questioned  about  the  hotel 
accommodations. 

"It  is  out  of  the  question,"  said  I,  afor  me  to  over- 
take the  schooner  in  my  ill  and  fagged  condition.  So 
the  hotel  will  have  the  honor  of  entertaining  the  pedes- 
trian to-night  if  the  charges  are  reasonable,  for  the 
finances  are  very  low." 

The  proprietor  was  absent  in  Pittsburg,  but  his  wife 
received  me  and  said  the  charge  would  be  fifty  cents  for 
supper  and  lodging.  The  porter  conducted  me  to  the 
daintiest  little  room  imaginable.  In  the  artistic  arrange- 
ment of  everything  the  hand  of  woman  was  discernible. 
I  was  puzzled  for  a  moment,  it  was  so  different  from 
any  country  hotel  room  that  I  had  ever  seen.  Then  it 
dawned  on  me  all  of  a  sudden.  One  of  the  pretty  girls 
seen  at  the  store  came  into  the  room  during  supper,  and 
unquestionably  was  the  proprietor's  daughter,  for  on 
the  dresser  were  pictures  of  her  father  and  mother,  and 
of  herself  in  various  groups  of  young  people.  I  was  so 


The  Arizona  Limited  153 

touched  that  it  was  impossible  for  me  to  sleep  for  at 
least  five  minutes  after  striking  the  hay.  This  young 
girl  had  voluntarily  surrendered  that  most  sacred  of 
places  to  a  refined  young  girl — her  bedroom — to  an  ill 
and  travel-worn  stranger  that  he  might  be  comfortable 
for  one  night  at  least. 

Six  o'clock  next  morning,  on  coming  down  stairs,  I 
was  surprised  to  find  a  hot  breakfast  awaiting  me.  Pull- 
ing out  the  money  to  pay  my  bill,  the  mother  refused 
to  take  it. 

"No,  Mr.  Herman,"  she  said,  "Eileen  and  myself 
are  only  too  glad  to  be  afforded  an  opportunity  of  en- 
tertaining you." 

"My  dear  lady,"  I  replied,  "no  act  of  kindness  has 
so  affected  me  since  leaving  San  Francisco  as  your 
daughter's  giving  up  her  room  to  me  last  night.  Both 
you  and  your  daughter  have  hearts  bigger  than  water- 
melons. Convey  to  Miss  Eileen  my  deepest  thanks 
and  appreciation.  May  God  bless  you." 

The  city  of  Ebensburg,  where  there  was  a  meeting  of 
country  school  teachers,  was  reached  in  the  afternoon. 
Many  of  them,  accompanied  by  their  escorts,  surrounded 
the  Limited,  but  poor  progress  was  made  selling  souve- 
nirs until  a  man,  evidently  a  big  gun  and  the  wit  of  the 
town,  came  up.  He  and  I,  much  to  the  amusement  of 
the  crowd,  began  jollying  each  other.  After  parrying 
and  thrusting  for  a  few  moments,  I  perceived  my  op- 
portunity and  promptly  took  advantage  of  it. 

"Most  noble  and  valiant  sir,  I,  Michael  Grasshopper 
Harman,  the  Grand  High  Priest  of  the  Ancient  and 


154  The  Arizona  Limited 

Honorable  Order  of  Asses,  deeming  thee  worthy  and 
possessed  of  all  the  essential  qualifications,  do  by  this 
act  (pinning  the  button  bearing  the  picture  and  name 
of  the  little  jack  on  the  lapel  of  his  coat)  proclaim  thee 
an  honorary  member  for  life  of  the  said  Ancient  and 
Honorable  Order  of  Asses." 

"Most  noble  and  courageous  High  Priest/'  he  re- 
plied, "I  do  esteem  and  appreciate  to  the  uttermost  the 
high  honor  conferred  upon  me.  I  have  known  for  the 
past  twenty  years,  and  so  have  my  acquaintances,  that 
I  am  the  most  colossal  ass  alive.  But  you,  worthy 
High  Priest,  are  the  only  one  possessing  the  courage  of 
his  convictions.  Accept  this  (producing  fifty  cents)  to 
help  sustain  that  life  which  is  so  valuable  and  precious 
to  your  fellow  members.  Adieu." 

After  the  example  set  by  the  great  man  of  the  town 
every  one  of  the  jolly  school-marms  wanted  to  become 
a  member  of  the  Ancient  and  Honorable  Order  of  Asses 
and  made  their  swains  purchase  buttons  galore,  until 
over  fifty  were  disposed  of. 

While  pursuing  the  journey  down  the  Alleghenies, 
Heine  saw  a  phenomenon  of  nature  growing  by  the 
roadside.  An  examination  disclosed  the  fact  that  a 
grapevine  had  entwined  itself  around  a  young  ash, 
when  a  mere  sprout,  and  had  caused  it  to  form  a  spiral ; 
the  coils  were  as  perfect  as  those  of  a  corkscrew. 

The  camp  was  made  in  the  famous  Horse  Shoe  curve 
of  the  Pennsylvania  railroad  which  is  some  miles  west 
of  Altoona.  In  the  morning,  soon  after  reaching  the 
city,  I  was  making  a  talk  from  the  rear  of  the  schooner 


The  Arizona  Limited  155 

and  Heine  was  selling  souvenirs  in  the  audience,  when 
two  policemen  arrested  us. 

"Bill/7  said  one  of  the  cops  to  his  partner,  "you  drive 
that  crazy  looking  rig  to  the  City  Hall,"  and  turning 
to  me,  in  that  hectoring,  sneering  manner  so  character- 
istic of  the  blue-coated,  clubbing,  brass-buttoned  gentry, 
"Now  you  are  a  pretty  looking  specimen  of  humanity ; 
where'd  you  come  from  anyway  ?" 

"It's  none  of  your  blamed  business  who  I  am  or 
where  I  came  from/7  was  my  retort,  "you  are  too  ignor- 
ant to  know  if  you  were  told." 

I  then  turned  to  the  other  policeman  and  said,  "Don't 
you  touch  those  lines;  Heine  will  drive  the  schooner 
wherever  you  direct." 

Many  of  the  spectators  were  highly  indignant  at  the 
treatment  accorded  us,  and  followed  to  the  City  Hall  to 
see  the  outcome. 

I  showed  the  Mayor  my  credentials  and  explained 
that  we  were  not  selling  any  commodity,  but  only  souve- 
nirs of  the  journey.  I  gave  him  some  buttons  for  the 
little  mayors  at  home,  of  which  he  had  the  goodly  num- 
ber of  ten,  when  he  said : 

"Mr.  Harman,  the  Arizona  Limited  can  remain  in 
Altoona  as  long  as  you  desire.  Go  out  on  the  streets 
and  sell  all  the  buttons  you  can." 

San  Francisco,  3,387  miles — 323  miles  New  York. 


156  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

HOW  TO  MAKE  A  COMFORTABLE  BED  ON  THE  FROZEN 
GROUND. 

The  Pedestrian  Goes  Shopping — Harrisburg — An  Adventure  With 
the  Tollman — A  Swift  Remedy — Easton — Cooperina  Goes 
Foraging — Hackettstown — A  Severe  Snowstorm — Jersey  City 
— Before  the  Footlights  in  Brooklyn,  New  York — The  Dis- 
bandment  of  the  Limited. 

November  twentieth  we  travelled  to  Mill  Creek  and 
camped  near  a  schoolhouse.  The  nights  had  become 
very  cold,  and  it  may  be  valuable  for  you  to  know  how 
to  make  a  comfortable  bed  on  the  frozen  ground.  An 
oilcloth  was  first  spread  on  the  ground,  and  if  procur- 
able we'd  get  an  armful  of  straw  and  scatter  it  over  the 
oilcloth  about  six  inches  deep.  Then  came  two  horse 
blankets;  then  a  double  layer  of  thick  sign  paper  was 
arranged  next  the  horse  blankets — for  both  straw  and 
paper  are  good  non-conductors.  Then  a  cotton  com- 
forter, and  on  top  of  that  a  double  woollen  blanket.  The 
covering  used  was  three  large  double  woollen  blankets. 
All  around  the  edges  of  the  tent  paper  signs  were  set  up 
to  the  height  of  a  foot.  In  this  luxurious  couch  we'd 
sleep  "as  snug  as  a  bug  in  a  rug." 

Why  I  know  not,  but  the  chickens  along  through 
Pennsylvania  were  very  scarce,  and  when  we  did  see 
one  he  would  take  to  his  heels  before  coming  within 
range  of  the  Winchester.  Possibly  the  feathered 
mourners  in  our  wake  had  sent  their  cousins  a  Marconi. 


The  Arizona  Limited  157 

Since  these  Pennsylvania  chickens  were  so  wise  in  their 
generation  our  principal  diet  was  beef.  I  defy  the 
thriftiest  housewife  to  emulate  my  feat,  viz:  feed  two 
hungry  men  and  a  dog  five  times  on  fifteen  cents.  How 
was  the  trick  turned  ?  Shrewd  marketing  was  the  secret. 
A  meat  market  was  visited  in  one  of  the  small  towns, 
and  while  telling  the  proprietor  of  the  walk  and  laying 
especial  stress  on  the  financial  depression  in  the  affairs 
of  the  Limited,  my  grafting  eye  moved  rapidly  over 
the  contents  of  the  shop  and  finally  settled  on  a  mag- 
nificent quarter  of  beef. 

"I  want  a  nice,  large  fine ." 

"Koast?"  interposed  the  butcher. 

"No,"  was  my  answer,  "fifteen-cent  soup  bone  cut 
from  here,"  indicating  a  point  about  eighteen  inches 
from  the  hock. 

"It's  a  sure  thing  you  don't  want  much  for  your 
money,"  was  his  reply,  "that's  a  forty-cent  bone  at  the 
price  of  cattle." 

"Absurd,"  replied  I,  "a  forty-cent  soup  bone? 
Ridiculous !  My  friend,  I  have  selected  by  actual  count, 
since  leaving  San  Francisco,  one  hundred  and  thirteen 
soup  bones.  That  is  my  specialty — I'm  an  expert  on 
soup  bones." 

"Besides,"  I  continued,  "that  is  the  right  hind  leg, 
which  you  know  full  well  is  more  sinewy  and  muscu- 
lar than  the  left;  and  from  the  color  of  the  meat  that 
steer  was  fodder  fed. 

"You'll  cut  it  there?" — he  had  moved  up  the  joint 
a  few  inches — don't  do  it  until  I  tell  you  of  a  bone  pro- 


158  The  Arizona  Limited 

cured  from  a  whole-souled  butcher  in  Blairsville.  Why 
it  lasted  us  for  three  days  and  Cooperina  finished  up 
the  last  of  it  this  morning  for  breakfast." 

"Having  made  him  give  way  another  inch  I  asked, 
"will  you  kindly  cut  off  two  steaks  from  the  large  end 
for  our  supper,  and  er — by  the  way — we  have  a  little 
dog,  Cooperina;  could  you  not  put  in  a  handful  of 
scraps  for  her  ?" 

He  tossed  into  the  bundle  some  chopped  meat  and 
bones  and,  on  reaching  the  door,  I  turned  and  said : 

"We  have  four  burros  with  the  Limited,  and  Epa- 
minondas-Alcibiades-Pytts  will  be  so  disappointed 
if  he  is  not  brought  something.  Have  you — er — nice 
bale  of  timothy  hay — er — in  the  stable  with  the  wires 
cut — er  ?" 

"Well,"  burst  from  the  butcher,  "for  unmitigated 
gall  you  are  the  limit.  For  fifteen  cents  you  want  a 
quarter  of  beef  cut  in  half,  and  call  the  lower  portion 
a  soup  bone.  To  this  is  added  a  pound  of  scraps  for  the 
dog,  and  now  lastly  comes  a  bale  of  hay  with  the  wires 
cut  for  the  burros.  No,  you  don't  want  anything  for 
fifteen  cents.  Oh!  no,  not  at  all.  Do  I  believe  you 
capable  of  walking  across  the  continent  with  three 
cents?  I  have  no  doubt  of  it  whatever,  but  why  stop 
at  New  York?  Just  continue  the  journey  on  to  the 
gates  of  Paradise,  and  flim-flam  Saint  Peter  into  letting 
you  in  by  saying  you  are  'expert'  at  something.  If 
Peter  refused  you  could  easily  gain  admission  by  talk- 
ing the  hinges  loose  from  the  gate.  Nerve?  No,  my 
friend  you  are  the  most  modest  youngster  I  ever  met. 
Why  didn't  you  ask  me  to  deed  you  my—  -  ?" 


The  Arizona  Limited  159 

At  this  juncture  I  skiddooed,  fearing  the  ending  of 
his  indignant  peroration  would  be  a  fling  of  the  savage 
meat  axe  at  my  classic  front. 

It  was  a  tough  job  cooking  those  soup  bone  steaks,  and 
the  art  was  acquired  only  by  constant  practice,  for,  from 
the  contraction  of  the  muscles  and  ligaments,  they 
would  roll  around  the  skillet  like  a  football  on  a  college 
campus.  The  next  tough  job  on  the  program  was  to 
masticate  them.  If  you  have  false  teeth  or  weak  jaws, 
beware  of  a  soup  bone  steak.  Then  would  come  the  di- 
gesting of  them  which  was  not  an  easy  matter  even  for 
a  pedestrian.  One  evening  after  disposing  of  one,  a 
dream  was  dreamt.  I  thought  I  was  Carrie  Nation  on 
a  saloon-smashing  raid  and  on  awakening  found  the 
saloon  had  been  pounded  right  and  left.  Heine  was 
the  unfortunate  saloon. 

The  following  night  we  had  soup  with  vegetables  and 
cornbread,  and  the  next  morning  hash  was  made.  The 
dose  was  repeated  next  day.  We  had  from  that  soup 
bone  five  meals,  at  a  cost  of  three  cents  per.  Can  you 
beat  it? 

The  day  after  Thanksgiving  we  passed  through  Har- 
risburg,  and  only  remained  sufficiently  long  to  sell  a  few 
souvenirs. 

I  had  endeavored  several  times  to  pass  over  the  pike 
where  the  county  collected  toll  without  digging  up,  by 
working  on  the  sympathies  of  the  tollman,  but  they 
haven't  any ;  and  we  always  ended  by  paying  a  cent  per 
mile.  The  county  east  of  Harrisburg  charged  the 
exhorbitant  sum  of  three  cents,  and  I  made  up  my 


160  The  Arizona  Limited 

mind  until  Armville  was  reached,  where  we  left  the 
pike,  I'd  beat  the  county  out  of  it,  for  two  reasons,  viz : 

First:  That,  as  a  fitting  climax  to  my  journey,  I 
desired  before  reaching  the  final  destination  to  have  a 
tollman's  scalp  dangling  at  my  belt,  metaphorically 
speaking. 

Secondly:  We  need  the  money. 

The  first  gate  was  avoided  by  travelling  'round  it  and 
coming  into  the  pike  through  a  by-road;  on  reaching 
the  second  station  the  toll  gatherer  said  we  owed  him 
forty-two  cents. 

"Forty-two  cents,"  repeated  I,  "how  absurd.  You 
don't  know  who  I  am,  do  you  ?" 

"No,  and  don't  care  a  d "  was  his  retort.  "This 

team  cannot  pass  unless  you  pay." 

"Can't  eh !  and  you  don't  care  who  we  are,  eh !" 
"This,"  continued  I,  "is  the  far-famed  Arizona  Lim- 
ited, and  I'm  sole  proprietor,  conductor  and  chief  cook 
and  bottle  washer  of  the  now  famous  Limited.  Now 
will  you  be  good  ?" 

"No,"  said  the  tollman. 

"But  how  can  we  pay  you  forty-two  cents  when  we 
have  only  three?" 

"That's  none  of  my  business,"  he  replied. 

"If  we  travel  westward  the  tollman  won't  let  me  pass 
his  gate,  will  he  ?" 

"No." 

"And  you  won't  let  us  proceed  eastward  ?"  I  con- 
tinued. 

"No." 


The  Arizona  Limited  161 

"Do  you  want  us  to  live  on  the  county,  and  make  a 
test  case  as  to  whether  the  charge  of  three  cents  is  con- 
stitutional or  not  ?" 

"No"  again  came  from  the  puzzled  tollman. 

"Then  my  kind  know-nothin'  friend,  will  you  tell 
me  what  you  do  want  us  to  do  ?  We  cannot  pay  forty- 
two  cents  because  we  haven't  it." 

"I  don't  know  what  to  do,"  he  replied. 

"I  do,"  said  I.     "Heine,  drive  on." 

In  the  twinkling  of  an  eye  the  Arizona  Limited  was 
on  the  east  side  of  the  gate.  The  poor  devil  took  us  for 
desperadoes  from  the  "Wild  and  Woolly,"  and  was 
bluffed  by  my  bullyragging.  The  finishing  touches 
were  put  on  after  we  were  through,  when  I  turned  and 
said : 

"Aren't  you  proud  of  yourself?  A  pretty  county 
officer  you  are  to  be  sure!  Don't  you  know  you  are 
liable  to  discharge  for  neglect  of  duty  ?  I  have  a  great 
notion  to  surrender  to  the  authorities,  when  the  whole 
proceeding  will  be  aired  in  court.  With  two  such 
worthy  gentlemen  as  Heine  and  myself  to  testify,  two 
against  one,  you  will  be  dismissed." 

"Mister,  please  don't  report  me,"  whined  the  toll 
gatherer.  "I  didn't  know  what  you  wanted.  I  was 
first  threatened  with  discharge  if  I  didn't  let  you 
through,  and  now  the  same  threat  is  held  over  me  for 
allowing  you  to  pass.  I  have  a  large  family,  mister." 

After  thinking  a  moment,  I  replied : 

"I  will  not  report  you  this  time  for  your  family's 
sake.  I'm  inclined  to  be  lenient,  but  you  do  not  de- 
serve any  sympathy." 


162  The  Arizona  Limited 

"Thank  you,  sir,"  said  the  gateman.  He  turned 
and  entered  the  house  where  he  is  no  doubt  still  medi- 
tating on  the  hard  lot  of  the  toll-gatherer. 

We  switched  off  at  Armville  and  traversed  the  Penn- 
sylvania Dutch  settlements.  Heine,  who  was  an  ac- 
complished linguist,  could  talk  to  the  natives  and  we 
got  on  famously.  I  had  contracted  a  cold  which  had 
settled  in  my  bronchial  tubes,  and  when  Allentown  was 
reached  I  could  scarcely  talk  above  a  whisper.  While 
at  the  post-office  a  kind-hearted  old  lady  was  so  certain 
that  I'd  have  pneumonia  unless  I  had  a  bottle  of 
"Jaeger's  Lightning  Liniment"  that  she  went  herself  to 
a  drugstore  and  purchased  one  and  presented  it  with 
instructions  to  rub  my  chest  with  it  and  take  a  spoon- 
ful three  times  per  day  internally.  Kind  old  lady.  She 
was  one  of  those  dear  souls,  who,  whether  one  had  a 
cold,  spinal  meningitis  or  hydrophobia,  there  was  one 
and  only  one  remedy  for  the  malady,  and  that  was  hers. 
I  remember  my  grandmother's  was  Cherry  Pectoral.  She 
managed  to  raise  and  launch  successfully  twelve  chil- 
dren on  the  world ;  so  there  must  be  some  virtue  in  it. 

We  stopped  an  hour  in  Easton,  Pa.,  and  that  same 
evening  crossed  the  Delaware  river  into  New  Jersey. 

The  day  after  passing  Phillipsburg,  Cooper ina  won 
her  spurs.  She  turned  the  trick  and  all  by  her  lone- 
some, too.  No  member  of  the  Limited  evinced  more 
pleasure  over  the  successful  termination  of  the  venture 
than  did  the  conceited  little  brute  herself. 

On  stopping  for  luncheon  she  was  nowhere  to  be 
seen. 


THE  PEDESTRIAN  AT  THE  FINISH. 


The  Arizona  Limited  163 

"Where's  Cooperina  ?"  we  each  inquired  of  the  other. 

We  had  given  her  up  for  lost  and  were  preparing 
to  resume  the  journey  without  her,  when  a  little  black 
object  was  seen  approaching  and  only  hitting  the  high 
spots.  She  came  up,  all  palpitating  and  panting  from 
her  exertions,  and  deposited  something  at  my  feet — 
the  lower  half  of  a  chicken's  leg  and  foot.  She  then 
ran  around  in  circles,  wagging  her  tail  frantically. 
Her  every  action  indicated  the  following: 

"What  do  you  think  of  me — poor  little  me — am  I 
not  smart  ?  Haven't  I  proven  myself  a  worthy  disciple 
of  my  masters?  I  did  not  like  that  cornbread  I  had 
for  breakfast  and,  fearing  the  same  stuff  would  be  my 
portion  for  luncheon,  I  went  on  a  foraging  expedition. 
After  nosing  around  the  kitchen  door  of  a  house  some- 
where down  the  road,  a  chicken  foot  was  observed  in 
a  swill  pail,  and  grabbing  it  I  ran  as  fast  as  my  legs 
could  travel  to  overtake  you." 

We  were  so  tickled  with  the  progress  made  by  our 
understudy  that  ten  minutes  were  alloted  her  to  con- 
sume the  find. 

December  fourth,  having  suffered  a  chill  in  the  fore- 
noon, Heine  was  sent  forward,  and  I  reached  Hacketts- 
town  late  in  the  evening.  At  the  hotel  were  quite  a 
number  of  business  men  of  the  town.  I  regaled  them 
with  stories  of  the  road  for  a  time,  and  the  Mayor  of 
the  city  asked  me  to  remain  over  night  as  the  guest  of 
the  Board  of  Trade. 

The  next  day  the  Limited  made  Dover,  New  Jersey, 
in  a  heavy  snowstorm,  where  we  put  up  in  a  livery 


164  The  Arizona  Limited 

stable.  The  journey  was  continued  without  special 
incident  through  to  Jersey  City,  where  we  arrived  on 
December  eighth. 

After  resting  a  week  we  crossed  over  to  Brooklyn 
and  signed  with  the  Star  Theatre  to  do  some  street 
advertising,  and  also  to  appear  on  the  stage  as  a  side 
attraction.  They  paid  me  fifty  dollars  per  week  for 
the  stunt. 

All  the  newspapers  in  Brooklyn  gave  us  write-ups, 
and  the  following  is  an  extract  from  the  Brooklyn 
Citizen's : 

"Completing  a  Shank's-mare  tour  across  the  conti- 
nent from  the  Golden  Gate,  came  a  strange  cavalcade 
to  Brooklyn  to-day.  The  man  who  hoofed  it  some  three 
thousand  seven  hundred  miles  is  Michael  Garber  Har- 
man,  'a  lawyer  by  profession  and  a  d —  -  fool  by 
choice/  as  the  tired,  tousled  tourist  himself  ex- 
pressed it." 

At  the  termination  of  the  engagement  with  the  Star 
Theatre  I  decided  to  disband  the  Limited.  Negotia- 
tions were  opened  with  several  parties  desiring  to  pur- 
chase the  burros,  but  a  wealthy  coffee  merchant  was 
the  lucky  man.  It  happened  in  this  wise:  One  Sun- 
day the  merchant  came  over  to  Brooklyn,  accompanied 
by  six  of  his  children,  to  see  the  burros.  The  young- 
sters were  delighted  with  them.  While  returning  to 
New  York  the  youngest  of  the  sextette,  a  little  girl  of 
three  years,  said: 

"Papa,  I  want  to  tell  you  something." 


The  Arizona  Limited  165 

"What  is  it  my  dear  ?"  he  inquired,  at  the  same  time 
raising  her  in  his  arms  so  she  could  whisper  in  his  ear, 
yet  not  so  softly  that  I  didn't  hear  her  say : 

"Pop,  buy  the  donks." 

The  little  miss  there  and  then  settled  the  fate  of 
the  burros,  for  when  the  merchant  made  me  an  offer  of 
two  hundred  dollars  for  the  four  it  was  accepted.  It 
was  a  great  relief  for  me  to  know  that  they  would  be 
well  taken  care  of  and  not  separated.  Cooperina  was 
thrown  in  for  good  measure. 

Then  came  the  good-bye  to  faithful  companions  who 
had  stuck  to  me  in  prosperity  and  adversity,  mostly  the 
latter.  They  all  came  in  for  a  deal  of  fondling  and 
petting.  Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts  was  made  to 
lie  down,  roll  over  and  kick  up  his  heels ;  then  he  came 
for  the  lump  of  sugar  which  he  knew  was  always  com- 
ing to  him  after  pulling  off  the  stunt.  Dear  little  fel- 
low! He  didn't  know  he  was  then  receiving  the  last 
caresses  from  the  hands  of  his  old  master  in  whose 
arms  he  was  taken  at  that  desolate  camp  back  in  far- 
away New  Mexico  on  the  day  he  first  saw  the  light, 
and  by  whose  side  he  had  walked  for  more  than  two 
thousand  miles. 

The  dismemberment  of  the  Arizona  Limited  was 
complete.  Heine  went  to  Baltimore  and  the  burros 
may  be  seen  any  day  advertising  a  brand  of  coffee  on 
the  streets  of  New  York;  I  left  for  my  home  in  Vir- 
ginia, where  the  malaria  was  finally  eradicated  by  a 
course  of  medicine  and  a  long,  long  rest. 

San  Francisco  3,710  miles — 0  miles  New  York. 


11. 


166  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTEK  XVIII. 

IS  TRAVELLING   ON  THREE   CENTS  AN   EASY  PROPOSI- 
TION? 

% 

A  Successful  Knight  of  the  Road  must  be  primarily 
a  student  of  human  nature.  He  must  be  tactful,  versa- 
title  to  a  degree,  an  adept  in  the  art  of  nattering,  have 
what  is  vulgarly  termed  "unlimited  nerve/'  and  be 
able  to  measure  off  chin-music  by  the  yard. 

If  Nature  has  not  endowed  you  with  these  essential 
qualifications  the  road  is  not  your  calling.  Just  as  the 
physician  diagnoses  each  case,  and  prescribes  for  the 
patient  according  to  the  nature  of  the  disease  and  the 
constitution,  so  must  the  knight  size  up  each  victim, 
taking  into  consideration  his  peculiar  characteristics  at 
a  glance.  It  is  true  that  the  same  dose  is  frequently  ad- 
ministered to  two  subjects,  but  in  a  different  manner. 
For  instance,  where  the  potion  to  be  given  is  flattery 
one  will  take  it  in  five  grain  capsules,  while  better  re- 
sults will  be  obtained  from  another  by  the  broken  dose 
method.  The  trout  swallows  the  bait  at  a  gulp  while 
his  warier  cousin,  the  perch,  tests  its  flavor  before 
biting.  I  will  cite  two  incidents  which  will  fully  illus- 
trate my  meaning: 

On  one  occasion  in  New  Mexico  when  nearing  a  sid- 
ing where  there  was  stationed  a  telegraph  operator,  he 
was  seen  standing  in  the  doorway  of  a  box  car  which 


The  Arizona  Limited  167 

served  him  as  both  office  and  residence.  When  suffi- 
ciently near  to  see  his  eyes,  I  smiled.  He  grinned  in 
return.  On  my  coming  up  to  the  car  he  extended  his 
hand  and  gave  mine  a  hearty  shake,  remarking  at  the 
time : 

"Mr.  Harman,  I  am  glad  to  see  you.  For  the  past 
hour  I  have  been  on  the  lookout,  fearing  yoli'd  be  too 
late  to  enjoy  the  dinner  my  wife  has  cooked  in  honor  of 
your  visit." 

"Thank  you,  very  kindly,  old  man,"  I  replied,  "but 
how  did  you  know  I  was  coming  ?" 

"The  agent  at  -  -  wired  me  this  morning  that  you 
had  passed  the  night  with  him,  and  that  this  was  your 
objective  point  to-day." 

As  a  matter  of  fact  I  knew  all  about  it,  and  it  was 
at  my  suggestion  that  the  message  was  sent. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  night  I  walked  into  New- 
berry,  Cal.,  the  station  east  of  the  Valley  of  Death, 
where  the  acquaintance  of  Professor  George  Lamont 
Webster  was  made,  soon  after  my  arrival  the  agent 
came  into  the  office  with  an  ugly  scowl  on  his  face 
which  showed  only  too  plainly  that  I  was  an  unwelcome 
guest. 

Said  I  to  myself,  "It's  up  to  me  to  supplant  that 
scowl  with  a  smile,  to  warm  up  the  ice  water  which  is 
coursing  through  this  fellow's  veins,  for,  old  fellow, 
you  are  in  need  of  a  substantial  breakfast  in  the  morn- 
ing before  resuming  the  journey." 

I  merely  nodded  to  him  and  continued  the  conversa- 
tion with  the  professor,  who  was  telling  me  of  his 


168  The  Arizona  Limited 

various  schemes  and  inventions  while  I  reciprocated 
with  my  adventures.  Of  course  special  emphasis  was 
laid  on  the  extreme  hospitality  of  all  railroaders  and 
the  Santa  Fe  operators  in  particular.  Being  an  old 
railroad  man  myself,  I  always  felt  very  comfortable 
when  in  their  hands  for  I  was  certain  of  a  cordial  recep- 
tion, et  cetera. 

Our  hearty  laughs  were  infectious  and  we  soon  had 
the  agent  "going."  He  actually  related  an  anecdote  of 
his  boyhood  days  back  in  Indiana  before  the  party 
broke  up  for  the  night. 

He  returned  with  a  comforter  and  said: 

"Mr.  Harman,  this  will  soften  the  counter  some- 
what, and  in  the  morning  I'll  be  glad  to  have  you  at 
breakfast  with  us."  Had  entertainment  been  asked  of 
him  on  my  arrival  he'd  have  turned  me  down  good 
and  hard. 

I  was  not  always  successful,  for  I  notably  and 
ignominiously  failed  at  Rio  Puerco  with  the  agent  when 
his  wife  butted  in  and  registered  her  vehement  veto 
to  my  plan. 

Occasionally  bulldozing  methods  were  effective,  as 
in  the  case  of  the  Pennsylvania  tollman,  but  as  a  rule 
"more  flies  are  to  be  caught  with  sugar  than  vinegar." 
Ninety-nine  out  of  every  hundred  people  are  suscepti- 
ble to  flattery.  You  may  meet  one  whose  feelings  are 
as  sensitive  as  the  frail  mechanism  of  the  delicate 
violin,  and  to  play  upon  them  requires  the  touch  of  an 
artist ;  while  you  can  hammer  away  at  will  on  another's 
like  a  big  bass  drum,  with  no  fear  of  striking  a  dis- 


The  Arizona  Limited  169 

cordant  note.  A  mother  can  be  readily  reached  by 
noticing  and  petting  her  child.  In  the  case  of  a  girl, 
no  matter  how  homely,  if  she  has  a  redeeming  feature 
comment  on  it.  It's  a  good  plan  to  kiss  the  child  if 
its  face  is  not  too  dirty.  If  a  boy,  though  he  has  a 
head  shaped  like  a  croquet  ball,  predict  a  brilliant  future 
for  him  in  the  pulpit — nearly  every  fond  mother  desires 
her  son  to  preach  the  gospel;  if  he  is  of  a  serious  de- 
meanor, remark  on  his  judicial  temperament. 

Every  American  is  intensely  loyal  to  his  native 
State,  and  an  observation  on  its  extreme  hospitality 
will  be  appreciated.  If  a  housewife  sends  out  a  pie 
to  the  camp  of  course  it's  the  most  delicious  pie  ever 
eaten.  Ask  her  for  the  receipt,  and  also  if  she  knows 
any  single  girl  in  the  vicinity  that  can  cook  equally  as 
well.  She  likes  it.  In  fact  the  dose  is  so  beautifully 
assimilated  generally  that  it  never  surprised  us  the 
following  morning  to  see  the  good  frau  bearing  down 
on  us  with  a  tray  laden  with  good  things.  Came  for 
a  parting  dose,  you  know. 

Talk  farming,  stock,  any  old  thing  to  the  man.  If 
he  has  a  bull,  swear  it  is  the  best  bull  you  have  seen 
within  the  last  five  hundred  miles;  all  his  pigs  are 
prize  porkers  and  so  forth. 

The  State  of  California  which  was  traversed  before 
the  organization  of  the  Limited,  was  a  splendid  one 
for  grafting.  All  the  big  hotels  entertained  me  free 
of  charge,  on  the  strength  of  a  story  about  the  big 
advertising  I  was  going  to  do  for  them.  The  Vendome 
in  San  Jose;  Hotel  El  Paso  de  Kobles;  the  Kamona; 


170  The  Arizona  Limited 

the  Potter  and  the  Angeles,  all  tumbled  to  the  scheme. 
The  people  are  thoroughly  cosmopolitan,  up-to-date  and 
enterprising  to  a  degree. 

The  people  of  Illinois  were  the  most  difficult  propo- 
sition. When  we  would  drive  into  a  small  town  in  the 
state,  the  Rubes  would  line  up  on  the  opposite  side  of 
the  street  and  take  us  in  from  a  distance.  Why  ?  You 
have  got  me  unless  they  were  afraid  we  would  bite 
them,  or  do  something  else  equally  terrible.  If  a  native 
was  presented  with  a  tobacco  sample  he'd  pull  off  the 
foil  as  though  it  hid  some  infernal  machine — and  then 
would  take  a  tiny  nibble  as  if  testing  a  dose  of  medi- 
cine. How  different  was  the  attitude  of  our  western 
friends.  Had  they  known  that  we  were  the  very  old 
Harry  himself  the  westerners  would  have  come  right  up 
to  get  a  close  view  and  see  what  kind  of  a  lobster  he  was 
anyway.  Would  a  westerner  nibble  at  the  tobacco  like 
a  perch  at  a  fishing  worm  on  a  hook  ?  Not  much.  At 
least  half  would  go  into  his  mouth  at  the  first  pop,  and 
in  two  minutes  he'd  be  spitting  the  eye  out  of  some  fly 
five  steps  distant. 

How  do  I  account  for  the  difference  in  the  attitude 
of  the  inhabitants  of  the  East  and  West  ?  It's  very 
simple.  The  average  westerner  has  seen  something  of 
the  world ;  more  than  likely  ho  was  reared  in  the  East 
and  has  roughed  it  sufficiently  to  lose  that  timidity- 
afraid-he'11-be-buncoed-air  which  is  so  characteristic  of 
the  middle  westerners  who  probably  not  a  half  dozen 
times  in  their  lives  have  been  further  from  home  than 
the  county  seat,  and  consequently  do  not  possess  suffi- 


The  Arizona  Limited  171 

cient  discernment  to  discriminate  between  a  hobo,  a 
gypsy,  and  a  gentleman  travelling  incog.  Take  one  of 
these  Illinoisans  and  put  him  in  the  far  west,  and  let 
him  see  for  himself  that  there  are  other  places  in 
the  world  besides  Slambang  County,  Illinois,  and  he 
will  develop  into  a  fine,  whole-souled  fellow.  One  of 
the  farmers  in  Illinois  who  had  thirty  gallons  of  milk 
refused  us  enough  milk  for  our  coffee  for  the  picture 
of  our  illustrious  and  famous  little  ass,  Eparninondas- 
Alcibiades-Pytts.  On  another  occasion  a  Baptist,  a 
minister  of  the  gospel  at  that,  refused  us  a  drink  of 
water.  He  alleged  that  his  well  was  nearly  dry. 

Indiana  was  better  than  Illinois,  for  hospitality; 
Ohio  was  better  still,  and  Pennsylvania  was  all  to  the 
merry. 

It  was  a  hard  matter  to  sell  souvenirs  on  the  street. 
Unlike  a  fakir's  wares,  our  buttons  and  pictures  had 
no  intrinsic  value.  In  my  speech  preliminary  to  offer- 
ing them  the  most  important  looking  person  in  the 
audience  was  singled  out  and  to  him  I  made  my  little 
talk,  knowing  full  well  that  if  he  started  the  ball  to 
rolling  the  remainder  of  the  bunch  would  keep  it  going. 
The  moment  I  stepped  from  the  rig  the  aforesaid  per- 
sonage would  be  solicited,  with  pictures  and  buttons  in 
hand,  and  generally,  he  having  had  his  vanity  flattered 
would  purchase  one  and  frequently  would  exhort  the 
bystanders  to  help  the  cause  along. 

The  game  of  graft  is  interesting,  fascinating,  but 
not  easy  by  any  means. 


172  The  Arizona  Limited 


CHAPTEE  XIX. 

SOMETHING   ABOUT    ONE    OF   THE   MOST    REMARKABLE 
ANIMALS   IN  THE   WORLD. 

It  is  the  ass.  I'll  probably  be  called  an  ass  myself 
by  the  majority  of  people  for  making  such  a  statement, 
but  wait  before  passing  judgment  until  a  few  of  his 
qualities  are  commented  on  by  a  man  who  has  studied 
the  animal  intimately  for  six  months. 

In  the  days  when  Studebaker  wagons,  steam  cars, 
and  thoroughbreds  were  not,  the  ass  was.  In  the  old 
days  an  ass  was  considered  of  sufficient  importance  to 
be  incorporated  in  the  tenth  commandment,  for  thusly 
are  we  admonished:  "Thou  shalt  not  covet  thy  neigh- 
bor's wife,  nor  his  man  servant,  nor  his  maid  servant, 
nor  his  ox,  nor  his  ass,"  etc.  But,  alas !  since  the  sons  of 
Israel  travelled  into  Egypt  after  corn,  times  have 
changed  for  the  poor  ass.  If  the  commandments  were  to 
be  revised  in  this,  the  Twentieth  Century,  he'd  be  the 
last  thing  thought  of.  It  would  be  made  to  read :  "Thou 
shalt  not  covet  thy  neighbor's  wife ;  nor  his  Fifth  Ave- 
nue residence,  nor  his  box  at  the  Grand  Opera  to  hear 
Caruso,  nor  his  automobile."  Who  would  think  of 
coveting  an  ass  in  this  great  mechanical  age  ?  Should 
you  cast  an  admiring  eye  on  your  neighbor's  ass  out 
in  New  Mexico  or  Arizona,  he  could  become  your  prop- 
erty by  your  giving  in  exchange  a  saw,  a  plane,  two- 


The  Arizona  Limited  173 

bits,  or  most  any  old  thing.  Should  a  Greaser  ask 
more  than  a  dollar  for  his  ass  he  is  holding  you  up. 

Because  of  the  utilization  of  steam  the  poor  ass  has 
fallen  into  disrepute.  Now,  bands  of  them  roam  over 
the  desert  plains  of  the  west — many  are  killed  each 
year  by  the  cowboys  to  preserve  the  grass  for  the  cattle 
and  sheep;  carloads  have  been  shipped  to  Chicago  and 
ground  into  bologna;  and  again,  large  numbers  have 
been  brought  east  as  novelties  for  children. 

The  Greasers  and  Indians  still  use  him  to  pack  wood 
out  of  the  hills,  and  of  course  he'll  always  be  indispens- 
able to  the  prospector  for  several  reasons.  The  ass  is 
a  very  cautious  animal,  and  for  surefootedness  is  un- 
surpassed. He  can  travel  over  a  steep,  almost  impas- 
sable mountain  trail,  packing  half  his  weight,  and  never 
lose  his  footing — he  always  knows  where  he  is  placing 
his  dainty  little  Trilby.  The  ass  is  also  possessed  of 
great  endurance.  Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts  com- 
pleted a  walk  of  twelve  hundred  miles  the  day  before 
he  was  ten  weeks  old.  Did  you  ever  hear  of  any  animal 
at  that  tender  age  capable  of  equaling  that  record  ?  He 
thrives  on  the  roughest  kind  of  food.  I  have  seen  my 
burros,  not  once  but  many  times,  leave  a  nice  patch  of 
blue  grass  to  feast  on  a  patch  of  old  dried  weeds.  The 
prospector  rarely  feeds  his  ass,  but  turns  him  loose  to 
rustle  on  sage  brush  and  cactus. 

The  four  burros  that  came  across  the  continent  con- 
sumed less  grain,  yet  kept  all  the  while  in  good  condi- 
tion, than  would  be  requisite  for  one  horse.  The  ass 
is  especially  valuable  in  the  desert  because  he  can  go 


174  The  Arizona  Limited 

several  days  without  water.  My  burros  drank  less 
water  in  a  day,  all  four  together,  than  would  satisfy  a 
good  big  horse  at  one  drinking. 

The  burro's  masticating  qualities  are  truly  remark- 
able, but  not  more  so  than  is  his  digestive  apparatus. 
The  only  other  animal  in  his  class  is  the  goat.  A  boy 
in  Altoona  was  observed  feeding  Carrie  Nation  a  hand- 
ful of  celluloid  collar  buttons,  which  she  devoured 
greedily.  If  a  youngster  paused  011  the  street  to  take  a 
look  at  the  Limited  and  happened  to  have  a  bundle  in  his 
hand,  Epaminondas  would  take  a  bite  out  of  it.  I 
remember  in  St.  Louis  a  boy  was  delivering  a  lady's 
hat;  he  paused  to  examine  the  Limited,  and  the  little 
burro  bit  through  the  paper  bag  and  pulled  a  big 
bunch  of  false  roses  off  the  hat.  I  felt  very  sorry  for 
the  boy — for  with  that  ruined  hat  he  was  between  the 
devil  and  the  deep  blue  sea.  I  won't  say  which  was  the 
devil,  the  lady  to  whom  the  ruined  hat  belonged,  or 
the  proprietor.  To  the  burros  candy,  fruit,  chewing 
gum,  tobacco  and  cigarettes  were  relishes. 

The  ass  is  the  wariest  of  animals ;  possesses  the  great- 
est powers  of  endurance ;  is  the  strongest  in  proportion 
to  his  size;  can  travel  on  the  least  quantity  of  water; 
can  subsist  on  less  food  than  any  other  animal,  and 
that  of  the  roughest ;  has  digestive  organs  equal  to  the 
goat;  is  the  longest  lived  of  all  America's  beasts  of 
burden — it  is  told  as  a  joke  in  the  west,  that  a  burro 
has  never  been  known  to  die  a  natural  death — has  the 
longest  ears,  and  makes  the  most  charming  and  delight- 
ful music. 


The  Arizona  Limited  175 

CHAPTER  XX. 

THE  NOBLE  RED  MAN. 

A  myth,  gentle  reader.  There  were  no  Fenimore 
Cooper  Indians  in  the  bunches  I  met.  Were  they  sav- 
age, cruel  and  blood-thirsty? 

Fifty-five  years  after  the  Forty-niners  fought  their 
way  from  Dodge  City,  Kansas,  to  the  coast  through  the 
hostile  Indians,  I  walked  the  entire  trail  with  a  hunting 
knife  as  my  only  weapon  of  defense. 

Where  is  the  blood-thirsty  Apache? 

On  his  reservation,  gentle  reader;  if  he  gets  all  the 
dog  soup  he  wants  he  will  stay  there. 

Where  is  the  warlike  Navajo? 

Butting  around  the  desert,  gentle  reader,  with  small 
flocks  of  goats  and  sheep — this  tribe  are  great  nomads. 
The  women  make  the  famous  Navajo  blankets,  and 
some  of  the  men  are  silversmiths,  but  for  the  most  part 
the  men  do  not  strain  any  traces. 

The  ferocious  Mojaves,  what  of  them? 

The  women  make  bead  novelties  which  they  sell  to 
the  tourist  at  Needles,  California.  And  the  men,  what 
do  they  do  ? 

Rest,  gentle  reader,  rest;  the  male  contingent  are 
the  loveliest  resters  in  the  world. 

The  Pueblos  are  really  different  from  the  other 
tribes  in  many  respects.  What  struck  me  most  forcibly 
was  that  they  appeared  to  come  in  contact  with  water 
oftener  than  once  a  year. 


176  The  Arizona  Limited 

They  are  small  of  stature  and  have  rather  a  pleasing 
countenance;  some  of  the  young  squaws  and  maidens 
are  pretty.  They  were  never  warlike  and  are  great 
farmers. 

Take  it  from  me,  gentle  reader,  the  only  noble  red- 
man  is  a  dead  one. 

If  you  ever  start  on  a  journey,  whether  by  automo- 
bile, bicycle,  wagon  or  on  foot,  if  possible  procure  a 
reliable  road-map.  It  will  prove  invaluable.  The  in- 
formation gathered  here  and  there  from  the  residents 
cannot  be  depended  upon,  for  not  one  in  twenty  knows 
anything  about  the  roads  of  his  own  county  three  miles 
from  his  home.  The  Limited  travelled  at  least  one 
hundred  and  fifty  miles  out  of  its  way  simply  because 
we  had  no  map  until  we  crossed  the  Mississippi  river 
but  depended  on  information  picked  up  here  and  there 
from  Tom,  Dick  and  Harry.  A  map,  with  accompany- 
ing folder,  shows  all  the  roads  of  the  state,  distances 
between  points,  the  nature  of  the  roadbed,  grades,  et 
cetera. 

Many  thousands  of  people,  both  during  and  after 
the  completion  of  the  journey,  have  questioned  me  con- 
cerning it.  The  following  are  the  seven  questions  most 
generally  asked: 

How  many  pairs  of  shoes  did  you  wear  out  ? 

If  you  started  with  three  cents,  how  did  you  get  any- 
thing to  eat  ? 

How  did  you  get  water  across  the  desert? 

How  did  you  know  the  way? 

Why  did  you  do  it? 


The  Arizona  Limited  177 

Were  you  walking  on  a  wager? 
Didn't  you  ride  some? 

CONCLUSION. 

There  were  197  days  in  which  some  portion  of  the 
distance  was  covered.  An  average  of  18  and  8-9  miles 
per  day. 

The  army  regulations  call  for  thirty  inches  to  the 
step.  Providing  my  strides  were  of  that  length, 
7,542,187  steps  were  taken  on  the  journey. 

The  longest  interval  between  meals  was  26  hours, 
during  which  time  42.7  miles  were  covered. 

The  fastest  time  made  on  the  trip  was  32  miles  in  8 
hours — from  Laguna  to  Rio  Puerco,  New  Mexico. 

The  longest  walks  were  of  equal  length — 42.7  miles 
—from  Cherokee  to  Seligman,  Arizona,  on  April  19th, 
and  from  Laguna  to  Sandia,  New  Mexico,  on  May  4th. 

The  warmest  day  was  April  13th  when  the  walk  from 
Goffs  to  Needles,  California,  was  made — 31.5  miles  in 
9.5  hours.  On  my  arrival  at  7:30  P.  M.  the  ther- 
mometer registered  103  degrees. 

I  travelled  in  thirteen  States  or  Territories  in  the 
course  of  the  journey,  viz:  California,  Arizona,  New 
Mexico,  Colorado,  Kansas,  Missouri,  Illinois,  Indiana, 
Ohio,  West  Virginia,  Pennsylvania,  New  Jersey,  and 
New  York. 

The  distance  in  miles  was  3,710 

furlongs 29,680 

yards  6,562,933 

feet 19,688,800 

inches  226,265,600 


f* 


